Ask A Woman: Wedding Wardrobe – The rough scenario.
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Hi Beth,
I’m a 20 year-old student and I’ve got a slight style predicament. My step-brother’s wedding is coming up in a little more than a month and a half. He and I are pretty close, but I won’t be a groomsmen, so I won’t be renting a tux to match. I also have no idea what the dress code will be, so I’m assuming it will be standard formal wear. The problem is I’m a poor student without a suit to wear.
My one and only suit is from my high school graduation, and to put quite simply, it fits me like a potato sack. It was bought and tailored for me when I was shorter and twenty pounds fatter, (thank you gym membership) and recently wearing it to a funeral made me realize that it really just does not look good on me at all. I have a small collection of dress shirts and shoes, and was considering maybe going with just dress pants and a tie with a tie bar.
So, my question is, do I go to this wedding in a poorly-fitting suit, or do I go without the suit in better-looking clothes?
– Trent
Hi Trent,
Good question. First, shoot your stepbrother an email (or your parents) to make sure it’s standard formal wear. The vast majority of weddings these days are not black tie, but it would be good to confirm that. If you have that invitation laying around, that would also mention if it’s black tie. Then check that it’s not an informal backyard/beach/park/BYOB and grill-out wedding. Many couples are opting to marry in simpler fashion, and you don’t want to be more dressed up than the groom. (If you know for sure that the groomsmen are renting tuxes, though, that’s a good indication that the dress isn’t casual.)
If indeed the attire is what most of us are used to expecting from a wedding–women in skirts or dresses, men in suits and/or ties–then you absolutely want to leave that ill-fitting suit at home. Even better, pawn it off on a friend who could make use of it, or the Goodwill. Unless you have an unfortunate incident with an angry bandsaw in a dark alley, you’re not going to get any shorter, so there’s no point in keeping the suit around.
But then again, you could fully embrace it, and kill it on the dance floor during the reception…
Your instinct to opt for clothing that fits but is slightly less formal, is right on. Poorly fitting clothing is a much bigger faux pas. Wear a pair of pressed, clean dress pants, an ironed collared shirt, decent shoes, and a tie. You won’t shame your family in this ensemble, trust me. And I suspect many men will be similarly attired. I often seen men in just dress pants and a button up shirt (sometimes not even a tie) at weddings, and they aren’t being hauled out by the banquet hall’s henchmen. At the age of 20, in college, with limited funds, you’re not expected to be wearing a bespoke Italian suit. You’ll look age and situation appropriate, plus, that’s a good look no matter the circumstances of the man!
On that note…When readers tell me they’re poor students, I suspect that runs the gamut of “too poor to afford the cable package that includes Big Ten Network and porn” to “too poor to afford name-brand ramen.” If you’re in the latter category, stick with your plan; you’ll look just fine. If you’re in the former category, it might behoove you to invest in a blazer.
Three blazers with some polish, all under $100, and none of them all-poly (which is tough to find.)
From left: Kenneth Cole New York Wool Blend – $84.99, Uniqlo Stretch Cotton – $59.90 (how to get it here),
GAP 3-button wool blend – $56.99 (limited sizes)
Something you can wear with several different pairs of dress pants, or even jeans, that can get you through a wedding, funeral, New Year’s Eve, the party celebrating Uncle Ronnie’s parole, and other formal events, without you having to shell out the big bucks for a full suit.
-Beth
Got a question for Beth? Send them to: askawoman@dappered.com
Good advice, I agree 100%. If the weather is cool enough, maybe he could throw a v-neck sweater over the shirt and tie?
I’ve noticed geographic location makes a difference in wedding fashion requirements. In the Midwest, attire is generally much laxer for attendees of weddings. I’d actually say at most of the weddings I’ve attended, it’s somewhat exceptional to see someone in a suit and tie unless they’re one of the immediate family members of the groom or bride.
That said, it’s still important to wear sharp, well-fitting clothes, even if you choose not to wear a suit jacket or blazer. Nobody will chastise you for wearing quality chinos, polished shoes, and a dress shirt. You don’t need to spend much on that outfit.
If you really need cheap you can get matching jacket/pants from H&M. Yeah its polyester but its also $100. Slim cut too!
whoa they seem to have all wool sets for $210 also – giving J Crew a run for its money
The matching gap charcoal blazer is also fairly cheap and looks great!
I’d be willing to bet that since this is a family wedding that if Trent’s talking about a family wedding here, he could probably go to his parents for a favor. Heck, call it an early Christmas present. If this site has taught us anything, it’s that you can look good without spending a ton of money. (This day was also made immeasurably better by The Talking Heads, so thank you Beth!)
I couldn’t disagree more with the advice you have been given. Wear the suit, unless it is FAR too short and you look like you’re wearing children’s clothes. I guarantee that 90% of the men at the wedding will look worse. It isn’t the ideal situation, obviously, but the men who frequent this site are the exception, not the rule, when it comes to men’s style. Wear a sharp shirt, tie, and tie-bar, because you’ll have an opportunity to ditch the jacket at the reception and hit the dance floor. And the best piece of advice that hasn’t been given yet is that the wedding is for the bride and groom, so stop worrying so much about how you look because all eyes should be on them.
Dilemma* 😛
Why not just spend ~$50 and get the thing tailored so that it fits decently?
Thrift store anybody?
If it was tailored already for him, he’s lost 20 pounds, and it still looks like a garbage bag, then there’s only so much that can be done.
Congrats on the weight loss, keep it up! I’d go the parents route. If they are paying for college, then they should be on board with putting up $300-400 for a suit that fits. Having one in the closet is invaluable. I’d sell them by telling them you will need it in a couple years for job interviews anyway.
Please don’t wear a tie without a jacket, that is not good advice.
Option #1: Follow the advice in the post but also pick up a jacket that fits you well from a thrift store.
Option #2: Advice in the post, less the tie.
Option #3: Pick up a suit at the thrift store.
In the price category, yes, but probably not in the quality category.
Just head to a local thrift stores. I’m sure you can find something nice, but it may take a little searching.
Some suits just aren’t worth trying to salvage. I had a couple of my first suits (Men’s Wearhouse abominations) that just couldn’t be saved even if I dropped about $100 per suit for tailoring (the shared opinion of a few different tailors).
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I imagine his current suit may very well have pleats (he probably doesn’t need them), massive arm holes, padded shoulders (although a personal taste matter, I think anything more than very minimal padding is rough looking) and a number of other issues in addition to what Joe mentioned.
In addition to the thrift store, there are some amazing deals on ebay from little consignment shops that have gone online. I’ll copypasta a suit name from
http://www.styleforum.net/t/140387/the-styleforum-working-hierarchical-suit-quality-list-sfwhsql/360 , along with my size, and some real bargains show up.
If the only two options available to him is to wear an ill-fitting suit, or a well-fitting business casual-type outfit, the default should always be what fits best. It doesn’t matter if most of the men there will look worse because the goal should be to look your best, not to barely coast above the standards set by everyone else. This goes back to the thing last week about the girl complementing another guy’s outfit at the movie while said girl and guy were there with their better halves. What other or most people decide to put on in the morning should make zero difference when you get up in the morning. The only time you should be actively concerned about what you wear in terms of overdressing is at a funeral out of respect for the family. Wear a well-fitting black suit, white shirt (not french cuffs), plain black tie, black shoes, and that’s it. No pocket square, no tie clip, no nothing else.
Not too long ago, I was a 20 year old college student with a wife and kid, and no budget for clothes or parents to go begging to for money to buy clothes. This dilemma hits close to home. Trent is a young man who wants to look good for his brother’s wedding, can’t fault him for that. A suit is more appropriate for a wedding unless invitations specifically state otherwise. Period, end of story. When he has the means and ability to improve his wardrobe once he graduates, then fit should be king. Now, it’s time for him to look like a man at his brother’s wedding, and that means a suit. Boys wear slacks, shirts, and ties and nothing else. Men wear suits, coats, and jackets, and when Trent is a man of means, he’ll be able to afford slick, bespoke suits. Broke 20 year old college students have to make due.
Black suit and black tie. Sheesh, there goes your credibility. Those
items don’t belong in any man’s closet unless he’s a mafioso.
Rent a tux that doesn’t look like a tux. They have some now that just looks like a standard black suit. Just wear a white dress shirt and regular tie.
I’m of the opinion that a man showing up to a funeral in anything other than a black suit with a black tie is being enormously disrespectful to the family. An occasion whose explicit purpose is to mourn the loss of a loved one is not the place to wear flashy clothes or business casual attire. Have some respect.
I feel almost the opposite.*At least* wear a tie. Nowadays I think that’s the minimum for showing respect for the occasion, more than it is to just wear a jacket.
That said, if the wedding is still a month and a half away then there’s more than enough time to hit the thrift stores to find a decent suit or blazer and probably enough time to have it tailored. There will also probably soon be a sale at Macy’s too (I think there’s one coming up) where you can pick a new one up and consider and investment for future weddings, interviews, etc.
Makes sense considering that, by your own admission, you grew up in a trailer park. I hope no poor college kids disrespect you or your family at your funeral by showing up in something other than a black suit and black tie. It’s pretty obvious you haven’t been to too terribly many funerals or weddings. Maybe when the King of Jordan dies, his family will invite you to his funeral, and you can show off your snazzy black suit with matchy matchy black tie.
I find clothes from thrift stores often molded to fit the last guy’s body. I suggest a deep discounter like TJ Maxx or better yet Burlington Coat Factory, that often have very good bargains in suits. The advice to get a blazer is also good and even cheaper.
I just got the J Crew Thompson (80/20 blend) and I dont know. I assume theyre both made in china
Hey Bro, just go with a well-fitting white oxford and some gray dress pants with black shoes, simple yet still looks smooth as fuck!
Well, I won’t address your assertion that I haven’t been to ‘terribly many’ funerals other than to say that I’ve been to the funerals of two grandparents, and the mother of a dear friend in the past three months, and that my goal was trying to find a balance between trying to show respect and to not draw attention to myself at the same time (and that it’s incredibly offensive to make such a statement). If you can’t be bothered to try to find something appropriate to wear during a funeral that isn’t 1) Overdressed to the point that people are noticing that you are overdressed at the time when a family is trying to grieve the loss of a loved one, or 2) underdressed to the point that someone could make the mistake that you were going to the office on a random day, that’s your business. Funerals are, unfortunately, something that most men will have to deal with many times in their life. Part of being a man worthy of respect is knowing how to dress during those occasions. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that someone so willing to adhere to such disrespectful behavior is someone who simultaneously won’t attach their real name and photo to these kind of comments. Being an honorable and respectable man requires much more effort than hiding behind a cloak of anonymity.
Hey Bro just wear what you feel comfortable in.
I was a broke college student when I had to go to my father’s funeral. I wore a pair of khakis, a dress shirt, and a black tie because that was all I had that was ‘dressed up’ at the time. If Mr. Spamalot had looked at me funny on that day, I’d have sent him to a hospital for the night.
I like the idea of checking a thrift store but if he can’t find anything there, I’d hit up the shirt and tie option. Even though it gets a bad rap, it CAN look badass if the outfit really works. Besides, he’s a college student, I don’t think anyone is going to scoff at him for not wearing a jacket. Sure it won’t be as formal, and sure he’s running the risk of looking like the kind of guy who never dresses up and is wearing his one and only dress outfit, but if done right, I think that’s the way to go.
Of course, I’m basing this on my financial status at that age, which was generally quite broke.
I like that. One of my friends got married while everyone was still in college and I didn’t really have a great outfit for it, but I had some decent fitting pants and a nice fitting v-neck. It perfectly hid the fact that my shirt was a little billowy and the sleeves were a tad long.
Go to a couple thrift stores and shop around. I picked up a brand new $800 suit for $40 and got it fitted for about $30. As a fellow college study I feel you about the money, as I only had $100 to my name when I picked up the suit. But let me tell you, now it is my absolute favorite suit and fits me wonderfully after the fitting. I myself just went to a wedding this last weekend and got to show it off. I received numerous comments on how good I was looking and was catching more than a few eyes that night. Once you start thrifting you’ll never go back, because there really are so many amazing suits out there just begging to become your favorite thing. Good luck and happy hunting.
Nick, I am very sorry for the loss of your father. I can’t say that I
personally know the pain of losing a parent, but my father-in-law passed
away very suddenly about 5 years ago. It has been very difficult for my
wife and to a much lesser extent, me as well.
To quote
Marshall’s first ignorant comment: “I’m of the opinion that a man
showing up to a funeral in anything other
than a black suit with a black tie is being enormously disrespectful to
the family.” Unfortunately, Nick was only able to wear khakis to his
father’s funeral, so I think he misunderstood which poster took
exception to anything but black suits and ties at funerals. It would
have been Marshall who looked at him funny for being so disrespectful.
Not me. I’ve been around long enough to know that there is no reason for
speaking in absolute or extreme terms.
And Marshall won’t
address assertions, except to address them and defend himself. And I
think you finally found the point I was trying to drive home. There is a
wide variety of appropriate funeral attire outside of black suits and
ties. And you also proved my point about weddings. Weddings and funerals
are not about the attendees, so conformity is the goal. Marshall, it’s
no surprise that The Saban Center for Middle East Policy at the
Brookings Institution
hired such a sharp young man.
As for anonymity, isn’t that the
brilliance of the interwebs? Joe doesn’t divulge his last name or photos
that show his face. What will you do if I expose myself to the world
Keyboard Warrior? And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love
you make.
Wearing a tie without a jacket is tacky and should not be done – ever. As far as other men being “similarly attired”…just because they dont know dress ettiquette doesnt make it o.k. for everyone. Dressing appropriately for the occassion shows respect for your hosts and yourself.
You can get a decent well fitting suit for $200. Go off the rack and take it to a tailor (or off the rack might just fit you well enough). You need to have a suit at your age. It doesn’t need to be anything special, but you will be going to weddings/funerals/dinners where a suit is really going to be the only appropriate wear.
Yes, Raymond, thrift store, thrift store. I’m also a poor (graduate) student with a wife and baby on the way. I just found a Hart Schaffner Marx three piece suit for $7 that I can have tailored for another $25 to fit perfectly. This is definitely the way to go on a super tight budget.
Guys. I deleted a bunch of distracting comments. Please try to stay on topic. Thanks.