The right to swing my fist ends at the tip of your nose. Right? Yet if you change the swinging-part to wafting cologne fumes, it’s not as universally respected. Most guys who do scent up get it right: If you’re not close enough to spontaneously launch into a fox-trot, then the person closest to you shouldn’t be able to smell your cologne. Any more scent radius than that, and you risk being “that guy.” The problem is, there are scenarios where we’re either stuck inside another’s space, or, wearing cologne just insn’t a smart play. Those follow.
1. A Funeral – You should smell as subdued as your clothing looks. Skip it.
2. An international flight – If a kid craps his pants behind you, at least you know the diaper will be changed. Sharing a row with someone who reeks like an Abercrombie & Fitch for 8 hours is a hopeless feeling.
3. On a first date – Too risky.
4. On a second date – Still pushing it.
5. At the gym – An incline press bench that smells like CK One isn’t helping.
6. A job interview – Some HR types are just looking for any reason not to hire you.
7. When meeting your significant other’s parents for the first time – Get in, get out, take no chances.
8. Camping – Well, maybe those that do deserve their bear mauling.
9. Making a sales call – Unless it’s to a cologne manufacturer. Then you best be wearing something they make.
10. Drinking Wine – “Ah… the boquet on this red has hints of raspberries, peppercorns, and… Polo Black.”
11. In a recording or radio studio – They’re sealed to keep sound out. So smell stays in. You’ll suffocate someone.
12. On a road trip – That 1994 Toyota Corolla ain’t getting any bigger. The strongest lingering smells on a road trip should be coffee and beef jerky.
13. At the Mall – There’s already too many smells pouring out of those leased spaces. Hollister, Abercrombie & Fitch, Wetzel’s Pretzels… Not sure how those ladies can stand working in the cologne/perfume/cosmetics section at Macys.
14. At the dentist – Best not to distract someone with a sharp pick or drill in your mouth.
15. While dining at a fine restaurant – If your date is a foodie, you’re a dead man.
16. At the humane society – Stressed animals + Brut = deserved growls.
17. While performing surgery – Want to smell fresh for your team? Have a mint before scrubbing in.
18. On the international space station – In space, no one wants to smell your D&G.
19. During a tandem sky dive – Mutually assured destruction has its limits.
20. While performing CPR on the editor in chief of Dappered.com – Just let him expire.
Top Photo Credit: Cory Doctorow
Two, five, and six are the biggest ones, in my opinion.
Following all of these leaves relatively few chances to wear cologne, but that may not be a bad thing. That may just mean there really aren’t many places where you SHOULD wear it.
I don’t wear it regularly, but I’m making a bottle of Tobacco Vanille last. Those ‘fumes… like heaven, to ’em.’
Weve never had a conscious patient in our OR. The nurses, on the other hand…are all men. Yeah i definitely dont think of cologne during surgery
so um… when SHOULD you wear it?
I really only end up wearing it a couple of times a year. And not recently. For whatever reason I just don’t think it adds much and can easily be distracting/detrimental. Shower regularly, wear clean clothes, and you should be all set. Would add – on the train. Nothing worse than being in a packed train or subway car with someone who just bathed in Polo.
Just my opinion: Cologne is highly overrated
I wear cologne at the mall. There’s a lot of pretty ladies, no Hollister, no A&F and (sadly), no pretzel stand.
Any other time but those…even to bed
I’m a little surprised with the no first or second dates. When I go out, that’s typically the only time I wear cologne. You shouldn’t bath in it (well, regardless of the time) so I think it adds a nice finishing touch.
I’m gonna call personal style foul on this one. if someone followed this list, they’d never wear cologne.
You can wear cologne everywhere but the gym or any sport activity like running or tennis…etc, that’s just bad. You just can’t wear every cologne everywhere. in the right hands cologne is powerful; in the wrong hands cologne is over-powering.
you may just want to temper your co-log-ne to the environment.
good!
wearing Dolce and Gabbana- The One Gentlemen Cologne is perfectly fine for a first date. you just need to not shower in it
Bad!
Polo (the original or the lighter modern reserve [equally nose shredding]) has nearly no place in modern society, a tobacco bar or man event maybe… but no one will wonder where you are in a room or if you had been there recently… the wake you’ll leave will clearly communicate your activities. it does do one thing well, it communicates arrogance and wealth… It says, “I can afford to smell like a real man from the 70’s!” Hard, like Burt Reynolds mustache…. hard notes of leather and tobacco followed by patchouli.
Cease and desist!
brute is a universal fail, just don’t do it.
At a funeral is definitely right, but I think wearing it on a date is always a good idea. Moderation is key here. I usually give my neck a quick spritz before I leave for work as part of the morning ritual, but no one at work has ever said ‘Hey are you wearing cologne?’ That seems about right in my book.
Agreed – “wearing” cologne is not the same as “showering” in cologne. I never blast so much cologne that people would gag in a radio booth or the taste of wine and/or food would be ruined. That would indicate someone is wearing too much. I can barely smell a hint of mine right now at work. Its very subtle, and only someone right up in my personal space will be able to smell it (my wife, someone on the train… and maybe one person in the elevator if it is crowded)
That said, obviously some of these are humorous – #5 & #8 are spot on…. and at the dentist. No cologne is going to mask your stale onion/garlic/coffee breath
How about instead, we make a list of when TO where cologne: 1. Anytime you want to smell good. 2. ?
So… basically never?
I never wear cologne at a wedding on the off chance someone is allergic and sneezes throughout the ceremony, or so I don’t distract from the proceedings.
Another place you shouldn’t wear cologne is in court- you don’t want to annoy the judge!
I think this post is a little confused. It’s confused with wearing a fragrance properly that smells good to people around you and matches who are you….and those people who slather themselves in it and choke out the local wildlife. There’s a world of difference there.
Honestly, this is a strange post whose tone and wording are very different from most of what I’ve read on here; somewhat condescending, very snarky, and rather ascetic. In fact, most of the above situations don’t read like a “dappered gentleman” would behave.
Post to the wrong blog?
Cologne is never appropriate. It’s tacky.
Add my name to the list of those who disagree with the bulk of this post. Cologne should be applied lightly, and should be noticeable only to those in very close proximity. If applied properly, cologne can be worn in most circumstances (ok, not at the gym).
I wear cologne every day, one that is not so fragant so as to be overpowering, so that it’s just part of my normal every day wear & scent. Otherwise it becomes a “special event” thing and quite frankly, I don’t know whether I smell or not
I don’t wear cologne, but I almost always wear some sort of aftershave that has a faint yet noticeable smell. I’ve received many compliments on it from first dates to clubs and random intimate encounters. I don’t advise wearing it all the time but it works for me, since it is not as powerful as cologne but still gives off a manly scent when needed.
If the judge can smell your cologne, you are Doing It Wrong.
I wear cologne most days– if you use a tasteful amount (and don’t pick an overpowering scent), it adds a subtle and pleasant touch but isn’t overbearing.
joe i rly dont kno wat u got against cologne. its like almost insulting 2 think that yr dappered readers dont kno how 2 put on cologne properly. i think we all learned in middle school that dousing yrself in AXEspray/cologne works against u in social settings. the only time people ever smell my cologne r when they’re giving hugs or whatnot. ‘wow, you smell great!’ – every1 after hugging me. any distance farther apart, u cant smell me. obv benefits, no cons.
The problem with cologne is that scent is such a personal and subjectively-experienced thing. The same scent may elicit bliss from one person, and complete nausea from another. And a lot of people are simply allergic to perfumes of any kind. I think it’s better to play it safe and lay off the fake fragrances. Be clean, smell clean.
The best thing you can do is just rub dog shit all over your face every day. On the internet, there are no jokes
Joe hates cologne. I don’t think he really wants anyone to wear it anywhere.
I’m sure that most of you complaining about cologne wear deodorant, wash with scented shampoos and soaps, and use scented laundry detergent. These items are often as overpowering as cologne can be. The real problem is people wearing more than is tasteful, which annoys me as much as anyone, even though I am a cologne fanatic.
Baby Powder. Studies show women are attracted to the smell. Google it. When I was single no other scent got me more compliments than baby powder. Not strong enough to smell from a distance but if I was in a tight elevator or jammed onto public transportation with a woman it was sure fire compliment on how nice I smelled.
“robocop gas” awesome. i’d buy that for a dollar
snarky, Dane Cook
I buy colognes from Lucky Scent (
http://www.luckyscent.com/). They carry scents from perfumers not clothiers. They rate the cologne on feminine vs masculine, prevailing notes etc. Their customer services is excellent and they send free trials with your purchase. Frank No.2 is my jam.
The thing is, in most of these situations, when your cologne is a problem, you’re doing wrong (i.e. you’re use too damn much).
How much cologne would one have to apply to make it stronger than the smell of the food on the other side of the table?!
Seriously guys. The right amount is when the people around you realize your cologne mostly subconsciously.
Had to share as this is something that has stuck with me since undergrad. Smell has been found to be linked to an individual’s MHC (part of the immune system). Women like to mate with men with sufficiently different, but not totally totally different, MHC because it bodes well for the fitness of the offspring that the mother must invest a lot of resources into. I can’t find the exact study I remember reading, so it could be about perfume, but I am pretty sure that men also choose cologne that is representative of their MHC–men with similar MHC will rate the same colognes favorably. So depending on what you draw from the studies, cologne may amplify our “immune signal” if you will, or drown out our natural scent and confuse a potential mate. http://www.economist.com/node/12811377 http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200712/scents-and-sensibility
Hospitals. People feel bad enough.
ey yo s/o 2 LV for breaking in on that truth! #raw
I am an avid cologne wearer…YSL La nuit de L’homme to be exact…it only goes on one place, a finger dab where my neck meets my jaw. The intention of cologne is to be smelled when you are intimately close to someone, which renders a lot of these “rules” irrelevant. My wife loves it, but never smells it from afar (unless I’ve just sprayed it in the bathroom.) In any other fashion, it is intolerable to mostly everyone. I also fly quite a bit for work, and would rather smell cologne than horrific BO, which I tend to experience the latter WAY more often.
i like how i agree w/ mostly every1 that commented but yall just h8ting
thank u McRibs!
As someone who actually does scrub in on surgeries, I have to highly disagree. The human body smells FOUL and the ability to sniff cologne, mint, or whatever wafting up from you, versus infected stool from your patient is not to be undervalued.
I disagree with this post. Some of them are good, but in general, the problem with all of these is that the hypothetical person is wearing too much cologne. When I have cologne it is really only noticeable within a couple inches of my chest.
I find cologne to be pointless. A couple of my friends used to wear it until my constant harassment made them stop. I don’t even want to walk by the A&F in the mall.
Again, as someone who works in a hospital, some sick people tend to (understandably) smell awful. You can’t blame docs/nurse/PT/etc for wanting to put a little buffer between themselves and the charming odors of infected abscesses or stool incontinence all day long
The key is defining what “properly” means. There’s a risk of nose-deafness over time. As far as the strangeness of the post, y’know, I think it touches a nerve. If you wear cologne, then it might seem strange, if you don’t, then it’s probably not. It was fueled by a 7 hour flight sitting behind someone wearing it. Was I choking on it? Nah. Did I want to smell it for 7 hours? No to that as well.
Oof. Gross. Stand corrected and them some good Doctor.
It is incredibly subjective. So to say “but I smell good to those around me” is kinda tough to prove. I’m an enormous fan of people, especially men, not smelling like anything really. At least, not smelling like anything when you’re within two feet or more.
“Most guys who do scent up get it right” Italics my man! Most do get it right. And the list above hardly excludes all (or most) activities. 1st and 2nd date is pretty early if you land a 3rd, 4th, and get married. Also, “to work” ain’t on there either. Y’know?
“Most guys who do scent up get it right” Totally with you.
I’m just going to add in that I totally agree with Joe on the concept of this. There’s a time and a place for everything, and even if worn properly, there are in fact places that are inappropriate for cologne.
@4adcca49b3b1e5a08ac202f5d5a9e688:disqus I probably sounded like a dick before, and for that I apologize. But here’s the deal (from my perspective at least), if you talk like a child, people will treat you like one. Speak like an adult, and people will give you the respect that an adult deserves.
I don’t think the post seems strange if you simply consider that Joe has said before that he isn’t a cologne guy. Makes sense why he’d have his opinions in this list.
Someone who wears cologne daily would probably have a much shorter list, or even a ‘When to wear cologne.’ list instead.
You are really living up to your name with that detailed language, MDstudent.
The problem here, much like the problem with the cologne-in-lieu-of-deodorant theory, is that a good smell and a bad smell do not cancel each other out – they simply mix together.
I have never worn toilet water and never will.
So funny: my first car was a 1994 Toyota Corolla. Took an eight hour road trip to Canada and after getting out of the car we realized it wreaked of cigar smoke and fast food takeout. So spot on with #12.
we’ve all had enough of your shit for one week marshall just shut up already
As long as there is moderation I don’t see any problem with wearing it. Def have to agree with no cologne at a funeral.
http://www.heavenshealthplan.com
So when you want to make a great first impression, no cologne. Personally, I always want to make a great impression-must be why I never wear cologne. That being said, my Father is the only person I ever met who put on cologne (Aramis) every day and smelled great.
Come on bro big deal – wear da cologne i say, if dey dont like how you be a smelling den they aint right for ya ok
i’m sorry Joe sir.
Oops, guess I missed that part. Love your posts in general, by the way.
damn bro not vibing on yr hella h8. take a chill pill
Thanks! This one hit some nerves for sure. Happens sometimes…
DUDE. LETS JUST MOVE ON.
its all cool bro. i really dnt have n e thing against n e1. ppl should 1st most consider the ideas being presented rather than the manner they r presented n
There’s no such thing as “not smelling like anything”. Natural body odors differ between regions, ethnicity, etc. It’s like trying to define silence–it may be quiet, but there’s always some sort of sound.
Personally, as much as I can’t stand the smell of cheap and overused cologne (I can’t even step foot inside a Hollister or Abercrombie store–it smells like they pour gallons of cheap scent on the floors every morning), I consider scent an essential element of style. And like any element of style, you can royally mess it up or do it perfectly. The key is knowing what scents work best for your body chemistry, the season, your wardrobe, etc. Also, if you buy cheap, you smell cheap–spend $100 on a nice bottle and it should last you a couple years if you’re using it right.
Regardless, I’d tolerate most any cologne over B.O.–most offensive smell on the planet.
Ha! I feel quite humbled reading that actually. You’re A-ok in my book Nick.
Per your first paragraph: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zLfCnGVeL4 Let’s not over think that part. Pretty sure you know what I’m talking about.
Can any of you cologne gurus suggest a cologne to try that might not upset my allergies? I would like to wear it on occasion but most of the commercial brands that I have tried make me sniffle and sneeze almost immediately.
I wear the same cologne nearly every day have got the application down to where people can only smell it if they’re very close. Have to move from three sprays down to two if I’m wearing short sleeves instead of long. Gave a coworker a hug on her last day and she commented then that she wan’t aware I wore cologne.
I wouldn’t at all be worried about wearing it on any date, first, second, or otherwise. Have worked as an engineer in my youth, worn it plenty inside of recording studios. The only occasions I agree with Joe on are a funeral, a flight, the gym, and the silly stuff (18-20).
I’m pretty far from knowledgeable, but for a start, do you know to what you’re specifically allergic?
The real problem here is that all the people in your scenario are wearing things like A & F and CK one.
I really don’t wear cologne anymore. I try to stay as scent free as possible, between soaps, shampoos, shaving cream, aftershave.
These are great and so true! Thanks for the tips.
The problem is the frags you are referencing. Of course no one wants to smell A&F or CK One.
Way too subjective. That’s assuming your favorite cologne is loved by all.
True, I’m not a cologne wearer. But I’d also argue that this list isn’t nearly as all-inclusive as some are making it out to be. Even if you combine up all of the scenarios, that leaves what… 98% – 99% of a persons life that’s open to cologne wear when done right?
And it’s just opinion of course. But cologne is a highly personal thing, and thus, I understand why some might have gotten a little hot over it.
you should not wear cologne whilst breathing is pretty much what I read.
Then we gotta work on your readin’ skillz. That’s not what was written at all.
wearing my burberry london on my first date w/ this girl this friday
Dumbest article ever. Apart from the gym, there’s no reason not to be wearing cologne all the time. Human’s don’t smell very good in their natural state.
The article should read when not to over-do cologne.