Less clothes, more mistakes? That’s quite possibly the case when it comes to us fellas and dressing for the hotter months. Look, there are always exceptions. We’ve all been there with at least a few of these. But here’s ten pitfalls of summer style to avoid between now and Labor Day.
Sunglasses That Don’t Match The Moment
Sunglasses are like watches (or frankly, any other kind of accessory). They’ll look woefully out of place if they don’t “match” the rest of what you’re wearing. And I don’t mean color. I mean style and/or level of formality. Sporty, chunky shades don’t look right with black tie (as shown above) or other dressed up wear. So when you’re dressed up, leave the sport shades at home, and go with a pair of classic wire frames, subtle wayfarers, or clubmasters.
Shirtless When You Shouldn’t Be
Beach or pool? Sure. Taking a stroll downtown, hitting a friends BBQ, or heading to the mailbox? Keep your shirt on. Same goes for jogging/running in highly populated areas.
Stank/Body Odor
Stay clean, eat clean, drink water. Wear the right fabrics, avoid caffeine, and take cool or cold showers. And make sure you’re actually getting your clothes clean when you’re doing laundry.
Going full “Music-Festival-Hippie-Guy”
Stacks and stacks of necklaces, bracelets, and the random pearl earring. Shirts open to the navel. Looking like you haven’t showered in a month, because you’ve been feverishly working on building your new psychedelic-toad swamp-ranch (“crypto payments only, bruh”). Where did all these hipster pirates come from? How did this become a thing?
Cargo Shorts Weighed Down With 97 lbs of E.D.C.
And on the opposite end of the lifestyle spectrum from hipster-music-festival-pirate-guy, we have the dudes who wear cargos from early March to early November. And load them up with Costanza-wallet levels of junk. Because that tin of Copenhagen, leatherman, pocket constitution, full sized Gadsden Flag, and burned CD library of every episode of the Joe Rogan Experience (ALWAYS HAVE A HARD COPY AT THE READY) can’t be left in the Ford F-350.
F*cked up Feet w/ Sandals
Pulling off sandals, stylishly, can be a difficult task, but if your feet look like they’ve been through a fungus encrusted meat grinder, then it’s darn near impossible. Stick to classic sneakers if your feet are less than easy on the eyes.
Tank Tops
Again, there’s gonna be exceptions, but it’s just difficult for most of us to look good in a tank top outside of the gym. If you’re jacked, then you look like you’re showing off. If you’re less than muscular, tanks can make you look unfairly wimpy. They’re also about as casual as it gets, due to their lack of… um… cloth and structure. If you want something super casual but still classic? Try a short sleeved henley.
Big Fella Beach Body Shyness
Take a cue from Ham in The Sandlot, and own it. If you’re not in the best of shape, yet you’re headed to the beach with some good friends, walking around (or heading into the water) with a shirt on, due to embarrassment, only makes everyone else feel embarrassed for you. So now everyone is embarrassed. Own it.
PALE Fella Beach Body Shyness
NOTE: Everyone, no matter the skin tone, should protect themselves from melanoma. But for those of my fellow fellas who put the caulk in caucasian… tis better to be the sunscreen-slathered sheet of loose-leaf at the beach (with a hat and linen shirt at the ready), then the fried lobster buried 6 feet under. Skin cancer isn’t anything to screw around with. So if you’re particularly vulnerable to sun burn, take the ribbing about your pale complexion. And keep it from being broiled to a crisp. Take it from a guy who’s smelled his own flesh burning. Not at the pool, but instead at the dermatologist, as they cauterize the pre-cancerous chunks they carve out of him every once in awhile. Don’t be shy. Even if you’re fair skinned, and look like you’ve been living in Plato’s Cave for the last decade. Put on the sunscreen, have a rash guard or light shirt at the ready, and get out there.
Wearing Cologne
It’s hot, stuffy, and generally a rough season on the senses. Overwhelming those around you with whatever chosen scent you’ve decided to hit them with seems a little cruel. Sure, I can hear the cologne fans screaming now “but you’re doing it wrong if people can smell you” … okay, then what’s the point if they can’t? It’s a fine line to walk. You risk going nose deaf as it is, since we all get used to things we bombard our senses with on a daily basis. So in the summer? Try to leave it on the shelf.
BONUS Anything related to matching shorts/short sleeve sets, bro rompers, etc.
You’re much better off in bulky cargo shorts, a tank top, and sandals.