Dappered

Affordable Men's Style

  • Don’t Miss Anything
  • Start Here
  • Essentials Shop
  • Latest Deals
  • Style Scenarios
  • Reviews

Dealing with your in-laws

September 28, 2016 By Beth | Heads up: Buying via our links may result in us getting a commission. Also, we take your privacy rights seriously. Head here to learn more.

Although it’s only the end of September, many of us are starting to think about the holiday season. For those who are coupled up, this might mean heading to your partner’s parents house, or hosting them at your place. It also might mean you’re white knuckling it through Thanksgiving and counting the minutes until the Christmas gift exchange is over. If you live close to your in-laws, the holidays may be the least of your worries. Maybe you’re just trying to get through the weekly Sunday dinner. A lot can contribute to a dicey relationship with your in-laws: different values, political views, communication styles, backgrounds, and so on. Despite the frustration you may feel at having to deal with your spouse’s family, it’s pretty hard to avoid. If you’ve had a long-bruised relationship with your in-laws, this won’t be a magic solution, but the following nuggets of wisdom may help ease the pain a bit.

runaway

This you when your in-laws’ Buick pulls up in front of your house? (image credit)

You marry the family, not just the person

If your spouse is close to his family, or even just sees them on a regular basis, it is absolutely a truism that you commit to not just the person, but the family as well. Going into this arrangement accepting this fact is crucial. It will prepare you for the long haul. You’ll see each other at weddings, funerals, and holidays. You’ll deal with family drama together. And unless your spouse’s family patriarch is Charles Manson, you should really support your spouse being close to his family–it’s healthy and important to keep those ties.

Find common ground

You can’t change your in-laws. If your spouse’s father is a passive-aggressive type who refuses to addresses conflict directly, and you’re more of a lay-it-all-on-the-table type, it’s pretty unlikely anything you do will change that. Accept that this will always be something that drives you insane. Then try to find something that you do have in common. Do you both like to read sci-fi? Garden? Watch baseball? Cook? Fish? Find something, anything, and connect. Cultivate your mutual interest in it by discussing or doing things related to it. Trust me, it’s a lot better than spending your time together staring at each other blankly and occasionally making comments about the weather.

Apologies to all the awesome mothers-in-law out there…

Compromise

Ugh, the worst part of being an adult, right? Why can’t we just have what we want all the time? Although it is fair and right to set boundaries, you do have to compromise. A little. That means you can’t ban her parents from your house. It means you do have to go to family birthday parties, and maybe, occasionally, her nephew’s band concert. Grab a pair of ear plugs, gird your loins, and Godspeed.

Set boundaries

Mom-in-law comes by without calling to drop off the hideous knickknacks she purchased at the church craft sale? Dad-in-law assumes he’s always welcome to watch his football games on a better television set? Sister-in-law thinks you’ll usually be free to watch her devil-spawn twins? Whatever your partner is accustomed to before you came into the picture, this will have to change, at least a little. Broach the topic gently. After all, this has been the status quo for a long time. Give both parties time to adjust, and suggest small changes. Maybe Dad comes over only every other week, and you convince Mom to call at least an hour before she wants to stop by.

barbedwire

Set boundaries, you say? I have just the thing…(image credit)

Put each other first

Surely you’ve heard this one before, right? Family of origin is important. The people who raised you and made you–if you or your partner treasure those ties as an adult, that’s marvelous. But once you start a new family (which includes picking a mate), that union has to come first. Avoid arguing in front of either set of parents, and never make a beef that you have with your in-laws part of your relationship with your spouse. Be each other’s champions, have each other’s backs.

 

You're hovering a bit there bucko.

About the Author: If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. She also might provide an answer without waiting to be asked. That happens from time to time too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com .

Filed Under: Women Tagged With: Ask A Woman, family, marriage, relationships

Continue the Conversation …

Want to share your thoughts on this article? Send us a tweet, join the discussion on Facebook, or hit us up on Instagram!

Don’t Miss Anything

Subscribe via email to get articles in your inbox or add Dappered on Flipboard. You can also follow us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Or subscribe to push notifications to get alerts immediately.

New Here?

Well, welcome to Dappered. Here are what we consider the most useful posts on the site if you're looking to put a little more effort into your appearance. Just want to see our favorite menswear products? Shop our essentials here.

MTO Suits, Goodyear Welted Boots, & More – The Thurs. Men’s Sales Handful

MTO Suits, Goodyear Welted Boots, & More – The Thurs. Men’s Sales Handful

Mid Thursday Update: J. Crew has refreshed their final sale section.

The 10 Sweater Styles of a Stylish Man’s Wardrobe

The 10 Sweater Styles of a Stylish Man’s Wardrobe

Crews to Cardigans. Half Zips to Shawl Collars. Plus the pros and cons of each.

7 Reasons Why L.L. Bean Boots are Timeless Classics

7 Reasons Why L.L. Bean Boots are Timeless Classics

The argument for L.L.’s foul weather boots.

Follow Dappered on Instagram »

Men’s Fashion or Affordable Style?

Men's Fashion or Affordable Style?

Fashion is temporary and expensive. Style is timeless and affordable. Dappered® helps you work the retail system so that you can be comfortable, look sharp, and save money.

Want to share a great product? Email Us.
For a fit perspective, see Joe's measurements.
Make sure to read our affiliate disclosure.

CONNECT WITH DAPPERED

Thanks! Check your inbox or spam folder to confirm your subscription.

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Most Popular on Dappered

  • Monday Men’s Sales Tripod – Spier’s Sweater Sale, BR Factory new arrivals, & More
  • The 10 Sweater Styles of a Stylish Man’s Wardrobe
  • MTO Suits, Goodyear Welted Boots, & More – The Thurs. Men’s Sales Handful
  • 7 Reasons Why L.L. Bean Boots are Timeless Classics
  • Steal Alert: Grant Stone’s Sale Section has had a major update
  • Old Navy’s cheap pants stacking sale, UNIQLO coats, & More – The Thurs. Men’s Sales Handful

Popular Topics

  • Best dress shirts to own
  • Best looking watches under $100
  • Best men’s dress shoes under $200
  • Nike Killshot sneaker alternatives
  • How to wear a suit without a tie
  • Suitsupply store review
  • Suitsupply Blue Line review
  • J. Crew Factory Thompson suit review
  • How much does it cost to tailor a suit?
  • Dopp kit essentials
  • Brown shoes with gray pants
  • Men’s style buying guide

Copyright © 2023 Dappered.com | Dappered, LLC | Dappered® is a registered trademark of Dappered, LLC

Hat tip: Magazine Pro Theme On Genesis Framework

Dappered does not collect or sell its users personal information | Disclosures: Privacy and Affiliates, Gilt.com, FTC

WPE

We work with partners that use cookies to understand how visitors use our site. Find out more.