IRON MAN TIME: First things first, there was a time not that long ago that this guy had been written off as a lost cause.
KIDS THESE DAYS: Seriously, what the hamburgers? I’m pretty sure I was delivering crappy advertising circulars door to door and losing at Pong when I was that age. Then there’s this kid you may have read about. Now get the less than picture-perfect rest of the story. And the rest of the rest of the story?
YOU HAD ONE JOB: Oops. Also, bwahahaha.
AT THE RISK OF CAUSING A RUCKUS…I’m just going to leave this here and back slowly away. Also, I’m pretty sure that people know how it makes them feel. Editor’s Note: But Jamie Lee Curtis CARES ABOUT MY POOP.
WHEN THE REVOLUTION BEGINS…we can point to things like this as an accelerant.
AND BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE? Because you have a lot going on in your life and you could maybe go without hearing about this. My bad.
PRIORITIES: I thought I knew how much Texas liked football. I had no idea.
YOU HAD ONE JOB: Big, hilarious credibility smooshing oops.
SURFS UP! The more things change, the more things, wait, nope, this is a pretty big change.
INVASIVE SPECIES: The hell is this nonsense?
VIVA LA ROCK!
EVERYBODY LOVES A HAPPY ENDING! This one is mostly satisfying. #expertbonethrowing
SMH: This is the best thing to happen to armchair wisenheimers in forever. And who didn’t see this coming?
OH CANADA: Amid the horrific stories coming out of Fort McMurray, Canada, this.
SIGN OF THE TIMES: Little pink houses, for you and me.
BUT WAIT! There’s more ‘Murica right here. And just when you think that you have heard it all, from the perennially entertaining Sunshine State, we have arrived here. Don’t ever let you get to that point guys. Because, ick. Then again, this might be even worse. Supreme ick.
HOBBIES ARE IMPORTANT: They provide a creative or physical outlet. They provide intellectual stimulation. They bring together interesting people. Then there’s this. A little harsh maybe. But still.