Dappered

Affordable Men's Style

  • Don’t Miss Anything
  • Start Here
  • Essentials Shop
  • Latest Deals
  • Style Scenarios
  • Reviews

Everything you thought about love is wrong, Part 2

September 4, 2014 By Beth | Heads up: Buying via our links may result in us getting a commission. Also, we take your privacy rights seriously. Head here to learn more.

Ask A Woman: You STILL know nothing!

You're hovering a bit there bucko.

If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. She also might provide an answer without waiting to be asked. That happens from time to time too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com .

 

A few weeks ago I posted the first in a series on ideas that seem to be pervasive–but aren’t really true–about love. Today I’m following up with my second post on the same topic. These four beliefs are especially interesting to me because at various points in my life, I held them, which did not do any favors for the relationships I was in at the time. None of them typically works in the complex swirling of real life.

“When you meet THE ONE, you know.”

I’m sure some people do get that thunderclap feeling when they meet their future spouse. But most of us don’t (and I would guess that many of us got it about the wrong person at some point). Maybe we have a lot to talk about right off the bat. Maybe we’re instantly attracted. But to catch someone’s name and shake their hand and be decided right then and there that this is who we’ll end up with? Nope. It takes time to get to know someone, and it takes time to build a relationship. That’s okay. No one gets a prize for “knowing” after two dates versus six months versus one year.

“Everyone has a soul mate.”

One person just for you does not exist. As in, if you happened not to register for the class you met your wife in, you would be destined to be alone forever. Or if you had the thunder clap feeling described above, and then you and that person broke up, you wouldn’t ever find another love. The idea of soul mates is very romantic. But not true. We can make our lives with any number of people. Each life would be different, yes, but each would have its own set of joys and challenges.

Phoebe introduces Monica to her soul mate…who is not Chandler.

“If you love someone, you should love everything about them.”

I think most people know this intellectually. Obviously, you’re not going to love everything about anyone. Everyone has faults. Everyone is irritating sometimes. When you first start dating someone you’re really into, there’s a honeymoon stage. Everything about them is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. Eventually that falls away and you realize that your gregarious boyfriend frequently interrupts other people in conversation. Or criticizes your driving every time you’re both in the car. Part of making a life with someone is accepting and tolerating those irritations. It’s normal!

“It is your duty to change the things you don’t like about your partner.”

Heyyyooo, this one is for Beth circa 1999, and then again circa 2002. This is what I say to young Beth, and to anyone else out there in a similar situation: you aren’t going to change the person you’re with and you really shouldn’t try. People aren’t improvement projects; you are not contributing to the greater good by trying to make someone into the person you’d prefer they be. You can get your sloppy partner to put her dirty clothes in the hamper instead of leaving them on the floor, sure. But it would be near impossible (and unfair) to try and change your other half from a shy introvert who hates going out, to a bubbly extrovert who wants to leave the house at every opportunity. People are responsible for themselves–that means you be the kind of person you want to be, and you either accept others as they are, or choose not to have them in your life.

Perhaps a Part Three is in store?

Got something brewing in your life? Send me an email–style, etiquette, relationships–I answer it all: askawoman@dappered.com

Filed Under: Dappered Classics, Women Tagged With: Ask A Woman, dating, love, relationships

Continue the Conversation …

Want to share your thoughts on this article? Send us a tweet, join the discussion on Facebook, or hit us up on Instagram!

Don’t Miss Anything

Subscribe via email to get articles in your inbox or add Dappered on Flipboard. You can also follow us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Or subscribe to push notifications to get alerts immediately.

New Here?

Well, welcome to Dappered. Here are what we consider the most useful posts on the site if you're looking to put a little more effort into your appearance. Just want to see our favorite menswear products? Shop our essentials here.

Monday Men’s Sales Tripod – Extra 20% off BR Final Sale, Timex at Todd Snyder, & More

Monday Men’s Sales Tripod – Extra 20% off BR Final Sale, Timex at Todd Snyder, & More

Is this a (small) shift for BR when it comes to promos/codes?

Steal Alert: Target 30% off Clothes + $10 off $50 stacking deal

Steal Alert: Target 30% off Clothes + $10 off $50 stacking deal

Shirts, tees, chinos, jeans, sunglasses, & more. You have to be logged in with them to use it, but the deals appear to stack.

Steal Alert: Spier and Mackay Core Suits have been restocked in Navy, Charcoal, & Medium Gray

Steal Alert: Spier and Mackay Core Suits have been restocked in Navy, Charcoal, & Medium Gray

$368 for half canvas, nice wool, two fits, and easy to tailor sleeve cuff buttons. Today’s a good day if you need a suit.

Follow Dappered on Instagram »

Men’s Fashion or Affordable Style?

Men's Fashion or Affordable Style?

Fashion is temporary and expensive. Style is timeless and affordable. Dappered® helps you work the retail system so that you can be comfortable, look sharp, and save money.

Want to share a great product? Email Us.
For a fit perspective, see Joe's measurements.
Make sure to read our affiliate disclosure.

CONNECT WITH DAPPERED

Thanks! Check your inbox or spam folder to confirm your subscription.

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Most Popular on Dappered

  • 20% off Spier Linen Suit Separates, Old Navy’s $32 Blazer, & More – The Thurs. Men’s Sales Handful
  • The Best Sunglasses under $100 for Men
  • Most Wanted Affordable Style – August 2022
  • Steal Alert: Extra 30% off Allen Edmonds Sale Items and Factory 2nds
  • Monday Men’s Sales Tripod – Extra 20% off BR Final Sale, Timex at Todd Snyder, & More
  • The Dappered Space: Most Wanted Affordable Home Style August 2022

Popular Topics

  • Best dress shirts to own
  • Best looking watches under $100
  • Best men’s dress shoes under $200
  • Nike Killshot sneaker alternatives
  • How to wear a suit without a tie
  • Suitsupply store review
  • Suitsupply Blue Line review
  • J. Crew Factory Thompson suit review
  • How much does it cost to tailor a suit?
  • Dopp kit essentials
  • Brown shoes with gray pants
  • Men’s style buying guide

Copyright © 2022 Dappered.com | Dappered, LLC | Dappered® is a registered trademark of Dappered, LLC

Hat tip: Magazine Pro Theme On Genesis Framework

Dappered does not collect or sell its users personal information | Disclosures: Privacy and Affiliates, Gilt.com, FTC

WPE

We work with partners that use cookies to understand how visitors use our site. Find out more.