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5 Topics She Doesn’t Want to Hear About

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You're hovering a bit there bucko.Ask A Woman: Ain’t nobody got time for dat!

If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. And don’t worry, your identity will be protected too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com
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Okay, before I launch into all the things you men should shut the eff up about, I want to fully validate the topics that YOU are thinking women should shut the eff up about:

  • the cheesecake we shouldn’t have eaten but did
  • why Katie is such a bad friend/big slut/not helping us at all plan Amanda’s bachelorette party
  • whether you are mad at us…’cause it seems like you might be…even though you insist you’re not…but maybe you are? are you?
  • any information reported by People Magazine
  • the Taco Bell we shouldn’t have eaten but did
  • the funny thing our cat did….EVERY SINGLE DAY

There. That’s not what this post is about, but I do want to acknowledge–women are annoying as hell, too. Got it? Super. On to men.

Stop talking, Carrie. No one cares.

Your bracket

Indiana lost. You can’t believe it. You thought it was a sure thing. Cody Zeller really screwed you. You personally. We get it, we’re sympathetic…to an extent. You get, mmm, two mentions and a total of ten minutes to complain about your bracket (or fantasy football team), and then we’re zoning out. If you have a girlfriend who is similarly obsessed with earning that elusive $15 from the bracket she filled out for her office pool, I suggest putting a ring on it. Because that type of woman is hard to find.

Your exes

You dated a girl who went on to do porn.  You dated a girl who was homecoming queen. You dated a girl your mother wanted you to marry. This information = not welcome. You’ll notice I make this plural–“your EXES” and that’s because of course the person you previously dated is going to be relevant to the relationship you’re currently in (or trying to be in). It’s your most recent point of reference. If you have emotional baggage, it’s likely coming from that break-up. If you’re having trouble trusting because she cheated on you, that’s fair. If you don’t want to move in right away because you did that with your ex and it was a disaster, that’s fair. Every other woman you saw naked, not necessary to bring up.

Your intramural basketball team

You might have a chance to make it to the play-offs if Scotty would just stop pretending he’s good at basketball just because he’s tall. He needs to stop hogging the ball because he can’t shoot for shit. This might be the worst one for me personally. I cannot get excited about the rag-tag team you play on for ten weeks. The team that’s comprised partly of dudes who never got to play basketball in high school or college and now that there aren’t try-outs they’re living their dream, and partly of dudes who did play in high school or college and are now reliving their glory days. If you don’t stop giving me a play-by-play, I’m going to get up and reenact for you every episode of Sex and the City, season 3. Without the sex. Just the dialogue.

 Perfect. Play and discuss amongst yourselves and leave the ladies out of it.

Your video game prowess

This one is similar to the previous. Wanna know why? Because both are kind of…fake. I know, that sounds harsh, but it’s hard to get excited when there aren’t any stakes. If you win a video game…then you win a video game. What level you got to, what points you earned, what the princess said to you when you rescued her (I don’t even know if they make video games with princesses anymore, this is how little I care), what does it all mean, man? Nothing! We understand that video games are great stress relievers, mindless ways to spend a Friday evening when you’ve had the work week from hell. Let’s leave it at that–no sharing of details required.

Why we’re acting so irrational

I saved the best for last, no? If you like fighting and drama in your relationships with women (dating or friendship), the quickest way there, I mean the most direct route to total warfare is to tell us we’re acting irrational/unreasonable/dramatic/overly emotional/insert-any-other-stereotypically-female-trait  and then give us your theory as to why. Oh. My. God. Do not do it. Do not. Is there any scenario in which these conversations end well–“You’re being really irrational…did you cheat on that diet again or something?” “I can’t talk to you when you’re so emotional…are you about to get your period?” Here’s why it pisses us off. Inevitably, your reasoning for why we’re acting the way we’re acting is insulting. No one ever says, “You’re being unreasonable…did you get passed up for a promotion at work?” No, there’s always an assumption that our presumed bad behavior is because our favorite ice cream is out of stock at the grocery store, or we broke a nail. Seriously, don’t go there. We don’t want to hear about it.

Got a question for Beth? Send it to: askawoman@dappered.com

Comments

  2. So you’re saying you don’t want to hear about how I took the Kings to the cup, against the computer with the offsides off? So not money, Beth.

  3. This is ridiculous…You don’t want to hear about my past or my interests…sounds like a great relationship

  4. I’m trying to say this with as little aggression or judgement as possible, but is there a way to subscribe to an RSS feed of just the fashion elements of this blog? I find that the relationship and lifestyle articles promote heteronormative cliches to a degree that makes me uncomfortable to read them.

  7. Funny thing is that I do ask my wife if her period is about to begin when she starts acting strange. She’s now installed an app on my phone so I can check for myself when her period is coming up and brace for it.

  10. But … but .. Katie really is a bitch and I want to hear all about it! And how could you resist that cheese cake – it just looked so yummy! And no, I’m not at all mad at you – I’m just feeling a little passive-aggressive because John took credit for my project with the boss at work and I’m so sorry if I’m taking that out on you. And the funny things your cat does are simply hilarious – it’s a great stress reliever to just listen to you talk about her when I get home from work. Honestly, Beth, what kind of relationship have you had where your guy didn’t want to hear about this stuff?!?

  11. You don’t have more of a past than sex, and more interests than basketball and video games?

  12. I want to know all about her slutty friends, in case things don’t work out or, you know, I get bored…

  13. I never talk about any of those things, and yet I’m, pretty certain I am a man. A man who doesn’t care about football, or basketball, or video games, but a man none the less. I AM aware there is a bunch of stuff I like to obsess about that bores the piss out of my SO, and for that matter most of the people I know. That’s why I talk about jeans on the internet instead of with my friends. If you don’t want us to stereotype women as irrational, maybe don’t stereotype men as all obsessed with sports and video games and porn stars?

  15. With you. These articles always seem to be full of gender stereotypes and assumptions about the gender and type of relationships readers are in. Guess what, there are plenty of women gamers, women basketball fans, etc.

  16. Lol, isn’t part of a relationship sharing your interests? Married almost 7 years. I won’t force a subject down my lady’s throat and she won’t do the same to me, but I at least give a damn about things that interest her.

    The day we stop caring about each others interests no matter how trivial, is the day I’ll begin to worry.

  17. Where did sex enter the conversation? Basically the post above means I wouldn’t date Beth…ever…nor do her comments come close to mirroring the sentiment of all women at all

  18. Beth, normally you’re spot on. However, this one misses the mark all together.

  22. I guess the point is, if you value something (like video games, sports bracket, or People magazine) that the other person does not value equally and/or does not understand why you value it so much, then that other person won’t have that much interest in hearing about it. That’s kind of “no duh.”

  23. I use a similar line- if shes acting crazy, I look at the calendar, then at her and say… “yup, that’s about right…” Years ago I use to get the nuclear reaction but anymore she just smiles and says, “Yup, no sex for you.”

  24. I use a similar line- if shes acting crazy, I look at the calendar, then at her and say… “yup, that’s about right…” Years ago I use to get the nuclear reaction but anymore she just smiles and says, “Yup, no sex for you.”

  27. It’s generalized advice to a general audience, so it speaks in/to generalities. “Stereotype” is just a negative word for a generality that a person finds offensive. I’m pretty idiosyncratic, so the advice is seldom relevant to me, but it’s hard to deny that if you had to address men generally, this would be good advice for a pretty wide swath of us.

  28. It’s generalized advice to a general audience, so it speaks in/to generalities. “Stereotype” is just a negative word for a generality that a person finds offensive. I’m pretty idiosyncratic, so the advice is seldom relevant to me, but it’s hard to deny that if you had to address men generally, this would be good advice for a pretty wide swath of us.

  32. Seeing as how this site gives so much attention to how a man’s style can be greatly improved by adopting a little moderation and a little class… I’d say that can apply equally well to taking a joke.

    p.s. That idea of prohibiting telling anyone what your cat (or any other pet) did… can we apply that to the whole internet, regardless of gender? Facebook would go out of business.

  35. While I would have to agree with some comments that the stereotypes here feel a little heavy, I don’t agree with the suggestion that they are promoting “heteronormative” cliches.

    Beth is a woman, writing for a men’s blog. What kind of relationship discussion would she be giving, if not one that speaks from her opinion as a woman to men, and such connections and curiosities?

  37. This post makes absolutely no sense to me. I talk to my gf about stuff she has no interest in and she talks to me about stuff I have no interest in, but we both enjoy the conversation because we like that the other person loves it and is passionate about something. If I run into something in the Internet that I have no interest in but I know she’ll like, I send it to her and she does the same for me. You just sound extremely selfish and self-centered.

  39. Yes, I’m looking for a Mr. Dan J.? The guys upstairs said I need to collect his man card? I dunno what that’s all about, but they were very adamant about it.

  40. Putting up with irrational behavior is, itself, irrational. There are plenty of women that act rationally most of the time and I’d much rather spend my time with them than someone who acts irrationally frequently.
    .
    Source: I’ve been with both types.

  41. The more controversial the topic, the more heated, and funny, the comments get. More entertainment from the completely pointless personal opinion debates below. Well done Beth!

  43. I’ve experienced both men and women acting irrationally. Humans are irrational creatures. It’s reasonable to ask them why they are acting strangely. However, it is not reasonable to suggest a reason based on sexist stereotypes.

  45. If you don’t want to hear those things, then don’t deserve it. Why on earth would it be OK for you to be “irrational/unreasonable/dramatic/overly emotional/insert-any-other-stereotypically-female-trait” and just expect us to just deal with it? I’m fairly certain that if the roles were reversed, there wouldn’t be such a push to be so forgiving. Women should not be able to get away with personality flaws just because they’re women any more than men should be able to get away with stereotypical flaws that are more prominent in our gender.

  46. Been with both, irrational was kind of fun in my youth when I had the time and energy. Can be such work. lol

  48. Definitely. I’ll call someone out on acting irrationally. I expect people to do the same for me. We don’t always notice when we’re being irrational, and if we’re mature enough to accept some gentle guidance on the matter, a lot of pointless fights can be avoided.

  49. I just look for people in relationships who don’t mind listening to me blather on about how much I love medieval literature and Jethro Tull. It makes life easier when the people you talk to most often don’t mind hearing about the things you’re interested in. All the better if they try to take interest, too.

  50. No…I’m pretty sure most women don’t want conversations dominated by sports, video games, your ex girlfriends, or how irrational they’re acting and why.

    This is not a stretch.

  51. “If my girlfriend is acting irrationally, I will call her on it. I don’t need to offer the cockamamie “explanations” suggested in the article, but I’m going to say something.”

    Exactly. I’m not going to stand by and let “crazy” decide how shit gets done. There needs to be some logic and rationality guiding the ship. Or I’m going to bail out.

    When my girlfriend gets irrational I politely call her on her bullshit and offer to talk stuff through. I try to be patient and we usually reach agreement over time. But if that fails and the crazy is still coming at me? Its called “putting your foot down” for a reason.

  52. I normally think that Beth is pretty much on the money with her relationship advice, but this one? Meh. Painting a gender, any gender, with the stereotypical brush just isn’t cool.

    It’s like men in commercials: either sex obsessed or incompetent. Truth is, both men and women are multi-faceted, diverse and averse to being stereotyped.

  53. So that means women like hearing about our fantasy football teams(plural). Good. Now I know it’s OK to brag about how I picked up the Seahawks Defense on the waiver wire and they put up 40+ points in the first round of the playoffs. My wife will appreciate me reading this post. I’ve yet to talk FF with her and will start now.

  54. I know. Also, que (queue) vs. cue. March Madness and homophones. A few of my many, many points of weakness.

  56. Yeah I’m going to have to agree.

    It also sounds like this is assuming there are no women that are into basketball or videos games which is an absurd and offensive thing to say. It could have been summed up by “don’t go on and on and on about your interests that she doesn’t care about” without stereotyping everyone so hard. The two people represented above sound like a classic annoying sitcom couple.

    Personally I want to be in a relationship with someone who, if they don’t share my interests, are interested in learning about them and maybe come to share them over time. If they’re silently wishing I would shut up about the things I’m excited about, that’s not someone I want to be with in the first place.

  57. I commented above but will agree with you again here, the people described in the post sound like an annoying sitcom couple. The woman is whiny about her friends and her weight and the man only wants to talk about sports and games. Come on.

  58. i love when people just throw in extra power words to try to make an argument…it happened earlier when someone mentioned sex. No one ever said anything about the conversation being dominated by these topics.

  59. I was stunned that this caused the comments to get so “heated”. I’m hardly a stereotypical man, and I wasn’t offended in the least. Seemed like it was about half and half. Half really got offended, the other didn’t. It was a fun read, and while I didn’t relate directly to any of it, I did draw some parallels (my wife still asks “how was your run?” despite me blabbing on about every little thing that happened during it… she’s a sweetheart). And c’mon, it’s all in good fun.

  60. Why did my comment get deleted? Just because I said I wouldn’t date someone like the person described in this column/opinion piece?

    It sounds to me like these are Beth’s opinions about what she can’t tolerate. Which is quite alarming seeing as how you’re doling out relationship advice. Of course there are times and topics that people would rather not hear about, but being in a mature relationship requires a lot of supporting the other person, their interests, and in general simply being a good partner. If there are topics that you specifically want to not discuss such as exes, then the mature thing to do would be to ask your partner to keep such discussions and comparisons to a minimum and explain how that makes you feel when its brought up.

    It seems like the person in this article just rolls their eyes and hates being talked at, rather than having any meaningful dialogue. I must say that I am not impressed with this column in the slightest since I have started frequenting this website.

    Might I suggest perhaps a columnist who can provide real relationship and style advice based on experience and what works? Perhaps from a man or woman who has had the experience of being in a successful relationship?

    It says clearly at the top of the column in the intro, that Beth would be taking and answering questions on Thursdays, but I do not see a question being answered here. What I see is a woman pontificating on what she feels “men should shut the eff up about”.

    If I wanted to be complained at, I would read http://feministing.com/ …

  61. I just wanted to post that this is by far the funniest article and reader response I’ve seen on Dappered. Farhan deserves a NATO watch strap for that immediate response.

  62. I totally agree Joe. None of these really hit home with me, so I wasn’t offended in the least. I definitely enjoyed the funny sarcastic comments more than the heated ones. But I like that she didn’t just tell us what we wanted to hear, or even tell us the “truth” gently. She just drove it home. No regret, no remorse, simply brutal.

  64. Beth/Dappered keeps deleting my comments. I guess Beth’s opinion is simply correct and mine is not. And she banned me from this post. -1 for this website…

  66. I wasn’t personally offended, I just thought it was bad advice. I doubt many were all too sour over the article. Still enjoy Beth’s articles just the same. Just using the comment section to comment as we normally do. (like when you post the love of your life, the danner) =P

  67. Beth’s opinion is probably more legit when it comes to dating, starting out rather than being in a relationship.

    That said, if you’re not open to the idea of watching my favorite football team with me from time to time and enjoying it, or at least pretending to, this is probably not going to work out. I will, in turn, go to yoga or sincerely attempt whatever it is you’re into, because that’s what a relationship is. That way, when the topic comes up, we can actually have a meaningful conversation with each other.

  69. I disagree in every phase of a relationship. I think if you can’t be open and excited about the things you love that it’s just setting you up for problems down the road. I’ve found that feeling like you can’t talk about something often leads you to feel guilty about enjoying it, and that’s not fair to anyone.