Ask A Woman: When college isn’t like Animal House…
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I am a college student, and I’m having trouble meeting women. Yes, I know this sounds crazy because a college campus seems like a perfect place to meet women. First of all, I am not fond of the whole partying environment, and I don’t really care for going to the bars or clubs in my college town – I can’t stand the smell of smoke. I am an engineering major, so females are scarce in my classes. I am involved in a few extracurricular activities: UAV design team, band, Bible study. None of these are ideal for meeting women, however. I certainly see plenty of attractive women throughout campus, particularly in the library, but I do not know how to approach them. I just have never brought myself to walk up to a random gal and start talking to her. The fear of rejection does not bother me too much, but I do not want to seem like a creep. Plus, I want to maximize my chances. My main question, then, is how should I approach a woman that I am interested in?
Thanks for writing in–though difficulty meeting women is certainly not a new topic here at Ask A Woman, your particular situation is, so I’m happy to be able to address it.
I think we all have to concede that college is a really weird time in most people’s lives. It’s great, don’t get me wrong, but real world rules do not apply. Case in point: only in college is it considered acceptable and normal to get super wasted, hit on a similarly wasted female you’ve just met, and then try to get her to sleep with you, while approaching someone in the library when both of you have your wits about you is considered creepy and odd. Any other time in your life, the exact opposite is true.
If you were a 26 year old, wanting to know how to meet random women you see out and about, I’d tell you to strap on a pair, approach the woman honestly and openly (“Hi, I noticed you sitting here and wondered if you could use a study break—I’m headed to get coffee, wanna join me?”), risk rejection and just do it. BUT. Your instinct that college women are different is right on. Some women may be open to your advances but I’d wager that MOST college women will not be. It’s probably because many people in college feel they don’t need help meeting potential dates; they have classes and parties and clubs so they’d rather go out with someone they meet in the course of these experiences, than “force” the issue with a complete stranger.
But you have a different situation. You’re not in the party scene, and you’re in a major that attracts relatively few females. I have to say I’m surprised that band and Bible study haven’t panned out for you, but I’ll take your word on that. Here are my best two suggestions: 1) seek out new experiences. Not a fan of theater but have a friend who is in a new play on campus? Go. And after the performance ask him to take you along to the cast party. If you have two hours to spare each week, you can get a regular volunteering gig—most colleges have an office devoted to connecting students with volunteer opportunities. Pick something unrelated to your major—walking dogs at an animal shelter, helping kids with homework at an after school program—but that still taps into your other interests. You may get a date this way, but even if you don’t, it sounds like you need to get out of your comfort zone and meet people you wouldn’t otherwise encounter, and this would certainly accomplish that.
My second suggestion is to wait. Wait until after college. It may seem like wasted time, but it’s not. Have fun with your friends, get kick ass grades, and enjoy the lack of obligations. If you happen to meet someone, that’s wonderful, but if you don’t, no worries! You have plenty of time. And if you hate both of these suggestions, then you’ll have to risk being the creepy guy.
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