Mailbag: Suit Direction for the Groomsmen
Hey Joe,
I’m getting married at the end of August and I’m having a hard time trying to establish what the men in the wedding party are going to wear. Ceremony is early afternoon, in a church, with an outdoor reception (in a tent) lasting well into the evening. This shindig is taking place in Vermont. I’m thinking of wearing a solid navy suit (Suitsupply Napoli Fit in navy), white shirt and a tie to match/compliment whatever colors my fiance chooses for her bridesmaids dressed. I’m buying the suit I’m wearing to my wedding mainly because I want to have it tailored to fit me perfectly.
Some of my groomsmen might not be able to afford a new $450 suit. Any ideas on less expensive alternatives to the Napoli fit from suit supply that will look equally stunning? I’m also considering letting my groomsmen wear a suit they already own, as long as its solid grey or navy and it fits them properly. Would that look stupid in my wedding photos?
– Brian
Brian brings up a really good question. So you’re not doing tuxedos on the big day. What the hell do you tell the guys who are standing up on the groom’s side? Here’s a strong suggestion if you’re going to leave it up to them:
Organize, but don’t order.
Brian’s got it right. Not everyone is going to lay down $400 for a new suit just to match. But a bit of direction would be appreciated. I was lucky enough to stand up in a wedding back in early September. While the groom said he’d be wearing a grey suit, he said he didn’t really care what his three groomsmen were wearing, as long as we looked presentable.
Here’s how it broke down on the big day:
- Groom: Solid Charcoal 3-piece suit
- Best Man: Charcoal pinstripe 2-button
- Groomsmen #1: Charcoal 2-button
- Groomsmen #2 (me): Lighter grey 2-button (Indochino Essential)
If I would have known the other guys were wearing charcoal, would I have worn a darker suit? Probably. Did it matter that much? No.
In the end, it all got tied together, literally, by the matching neckties that the groom gave us. (Which is a great idea for non tux weddings.) That, and the fact that both the Bride & Groom are super laid back. They’re the type who don’t see their wedding day as some sort of organizational test, but instead wanted to make the most of it. Dope in the light grey be damned.
For my own wedding, I also failed to give any kind of direction to the fellas who stood as my groomsmen. It was a warm spring day in a park. Two showed up in suits. Two showed up in shirts and ties. It looked great in the photos since our photographer put the shirt & tie guys on one side of me, and the suit guys on the other to form some visual organization. BUT… in the end… I bet they would have liked to have had some direction. If three guys would have shown up in suits, and one guy showed up in a shirt & tie? Shirt & tie guy might have felt a little awkward (sorta like the dope in the light grey suit among the three in charcoal).
Bottom line: Try and gauge who has what and work with it. “Plan is to wear navy suits… do you happen to have one?” is a good question to ask. If someone doesn’t, then go from there. If they really can’t afford to shell out for one right now, but they have a charcoal, maybe it’s half charcoal and half navy. And remember: Wedding photos are stupid and only keep you from actually enjoying the reception (but don’t tell the bride that…)
But back to Brian’s other question…
“Any ideas on less expensive alternatives to the Napoli fit from suit supply that will look equally stunning?”
Equally? Probably not. But any of these three from the Under $400 navy suit list are worth a shot. Safest play is the BR Italian Wool option (they came out with a new version, it has peak lapels… not sure if that matters). Indochino, as always, can be risky. And the Bar III suit mentioned there is a pindot, and not solid. Might appear lighter.
Even cheaper options: The J. Crew Factory Thompson, but that’ll be a shade lighter than yours. Maybe point your guys in the direction of the lighter grey version for some contrast? Otherwise there’s the Macy’s standbys of Hilfiger Trim Fit (warning: strong shoulder pads), Alfani RED (warning: low armholes), or DKNY (hard to find at under $300). Overstock.com can yield some good results, you just have to be patient with sizes and be absolutely sure you’re getting wool. And then there’s ebay… but unless your pal is a seasoned eBay vet, that can be playing with fire if he’s trying to get a basic navy suit for a wedding.
Just remember. A wedding shouldn’t hinge on how perfect everyone is matching for the photos. The success of the wedding, and thus the marriage, is obviously based on what the table centerpieces at the reception look like.
Thoughts from you guys? Advice for Brian for getting his guys in suits on the big day? Leave it all in the comments.
Meanwhile, rapid fire mailbag to be done tomorrow. Thanks for your patience if you’ve emailed lately.
Remember, it’s not about the style, it’s about the fit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wSoT0OpWpI
Renting is always an option.
Though if they are to do random suits they own, get them together and figure out what they own.
Additionally maybe looking at having them do a similar muted non white colour? And the groom to have something to pop out and then have it tie together with ties, cuff links, pocket squares, shoes and socks.
What you need to really concentrate on is making sure it doesn’t look like a bunch of guys getting together after work.
+1 on the give-a-tie idea. Did that for my wedding.
Ha! I love a good Scrubs reference.
Definitely go with the Suit Supply Napoli. I did for my upcoming wedding and it’s awfully impressive. The jacket required no tailoring. In fact, the tailor was struck by how well it fits and looks. Talk about a confidence boost!
I’m getting married on 4/13 and I found a deal on a grey pincord suit from Land’s End. Pretty good quality, and I got it for $180 when they had the 30% off sale earlier this month. Groomsmen are only wearing the pants and a tie I’m giving them. Our ceremony is more informal though, so depends on the bride-to-be, I guess!
I’m a big fan of the “wear your own tux” wedding personally (still want to give direction on black tux (midnight blue is cool, but not for this purpose), socks, shirt/collar preference, etc.), but letting people have a little room to maneuver with the actual tux. I’ve been to plenty of suit weddings lately as well, and I think buy-their-tie is clutch here. IMO, not buying matching suits is much more difficult than buying matching suits; obviously there are cost factors to consider as well, so with a little work, one can figure out something that will be complimentary.
In Brian’s situation, I might suggest going with something slightly different (and cheaper) than the SS Navy, that is, not straight navy from somewhere else, as it may look similar enough so that it’s like you tried to match but didn’t.
I don’t like wedding parties to begin with. To me, there is something a little childish about having your club of besties there with you rather than all the married couple’s friends and family being treated equally. BUT there is something even more childish and prom-like about a completely matched wedding party. Like no one could figure out how to dress themselves so Mom had to do it for them.
If you must have a wedding party, coordinated outfits are so much better than matched ones. This is true for both groomsmen and bridesmaids. People will be happier and look better when you treat them like adults and give them the autonomy to dress themselves.
Never been a big fan of the groom wearing a tie to match the bridesmaids. I get that the wedding is all about the bride, but the groom should stand out from his groomsmen too, not be an accessory to the bridesmaids.
They absolutely don’t have to match at all. I think it’s about identifying the overall feel you want your wedding to have, and then tailoring all the different details around it. The only thing you might want to consider are the bridesmaids. Are they going to wear matching dresses, or different ones? Your fiance might not want one side of the aisle matching and the other side not matching. That’s totally personal taste though.
The most important thing is to have good friends and good music…everything else will seem trivial the day of!
Being relaxed about the day is good advice, but . . . that particular variable is probably more under the bride’s control than the groom’s.
Good article. My wedding in November will be black tie so I’m going to ask my groomsmen to wear their own tuxedos since most of them own one now anyway. The ones who don’t can rent or buy. I bought a tux for one of my groomsman’s weddings and another groomsman made me rent a matching tux/shirt which was incredibly uncomfortable and looked terrible, even knowing I owned a tux (I suspect it was more the bride’s decision).
I’m ok with my groomsmen not wearing matching lapels but I want the rest of the details done right: black self-tie bow tie, black cummerbund, studs, and a proper tuxedo shirt (I prefer a marcella shirt). I was going to buy them each a black, self-tie bow tie/cummerbund set ($75-$100) since I’ve yet to witness any of them wear a self-tie bow tie, let alone a cummerbund, but I also don’t want them showing up wearing a regular white dress shirt with french cuffs (the sheerness of a regular dress shirt just looks tacky). A marcella shirt can be pricey though ($135 at brooks bros). I thought maybe I could negotiate a deal if we bought a bunch of marcella shirts, maybe down to $100/shirt.
Is it reasonable to ask my groomsmen to buy a shirt for $100? It’s a nice shirt, one they could certainly wear again. I’d consider renting the shirts but I doubt they would be good quality, comfortable, or fit well. My fiance’s bridesmaids are each buying a dress for $150 I think so to me $100 seems reasonable. Any thoughts?
One of my friends had the groomsmen (six of us) buy a specified style/color of summer-weight trou from BB. He spec’d white shirts and navy blazers; groomsman’s gifts were identical BB repp ties.
We looked good.
Lots of down-votes but no responses, eh? Obviously struck a nerve with some folks.
I think that kind of misses the point of the groomsmen — which I think gets lost a little bit in general. The idea is that marriage is hard and life is difficult and these are the guys you’re asking to support you in both of those things. They’re there to help you keep your promises and honor your obligations. Ideally you select them for these qualities: men you admire and would hope to emulate, family who are either welcoming a new sister-in-law or welcoming you — people like that.
I get that for most people it’s about set-dressing. But it is meant to be more.
Alternatively, you might do as some friends of mine did and have a short cocktail (actual)hour beforehand. (Of course, they didn’t skip one afterward.)
Traditionally, the groom wears a vest and/or tie to match the *bride*, not the bridesmaids, and then the groomsmen wear vests and/or ties to match the bridesmaids. I think it’s interesting that this groom is matching the bridesmaids, but it sounds like they’ve already made some less traditional choices for their wedding, which is why I didn’t respond directly to the post (also its kind of a trivial point). I strongly feel that a wedding should be whatever the couple wants it to be, tradition be damned (or upheld).
I’m not going to comment on the value of a wedding party itself, as that’s very much a personal thing. But regarding dressing, I totally concur that matchy-matchy can come off as silly or prom-y. To quote blacktieguide.com, friends don’t let friends match the bridesmaids.
I had to argue with my fiancé quite a bit on the topic, but eventually did convince him that standard black-and-white black tie was inherently better than the horrible matching satin vests. He did insist on wrapping the groomsmen’s sword scabbards in ribbons to complement the wedding colors, but that’s all.
That being said, my bridesmaids did wind up all in the same dress, but that’s because I was exhausted after the ridiculously stressful procedure of dress-shopping and just agreed to the first one that was non-heinous out of desperation. So YMMV.
We ended up having no formal wedding party, but instead asked a few close friends to help out with some of the day-of things we knew we needed help with. We gave the guys ties and pocket squares and only asked that they wear a white shirt under the suit (to avoid any garish tie-shirt combos on the day). Worked out really well and the photos looked excellent since nobody jumped out as being “the wedding party”.
I highly recommend the approach of not having a wedding party. It saves you having to choose your “best friends” and dealing with other people’s foibles on your special day. Everyone is there to celebrate with you, so why not make them all feel like your favourites?.
You’ll want to get those Brooks Brothers marcella shirts heavily tailored as they don’t do them in extra-slim fit afaik. And even BB slim fit is pretty big these days.
I got married almost 5 years ago, way before I cared about my style and did the typical rent-a-tux thing and got my groomsmen cufflinks of their favorite sports teams to wear instead of the supplied links. They loved the idea, but most of the cufflinks sit in the original boxes now and haven’t been worn since. My groomsmen don’t have much opportunity for them. If I had to do it again, I’d give them general direction since most of them are not well-off enough to buy a suit for my wedding. But like someone else said, the girls all spend $150 on a dress, so I don’t think it’s out-of-line to ask them to spend something, maybe for a shirt/pants combo and then give them a tie or something that brings everything together.
All great suggestions, fellas. I found nice pants and a vest at Pennys for 75 bucks that the groomsmen could buy. They were all happy to spend 75 instead of 140 for a boring tux. I ended up buying the jacket along with it. With Penny’s all over the nation, It worked great since half of my groomsmen were coming from out of state. I just made sure they wore a white dress shirt and well shined shoes (no square toes, please.) We topped the look off with matching ties and socks that I gifted them.
I have a wedding in may that I will be attending. Would a wool indochino be too hot in warmer weather (Pennsylvania)?
Is the Indochino wool suit possibly too hot for a spring wedding? Going to be on the east coast and up north.
For my buddy’s wedding, he wore a charcoal 3 piece, while the rest of us wore matching sharkskin 2 buttons. Matching suits, but BYO belt, shirt, shoes. He picked us up some black ties and that was that. I like the idea of matching suits, but we were all just coming or ready to come out of college and needed a suit anyways.