Ask A Woman: Fit, but thin. Real thin.
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What’s the true verdict on very thin guys? Ones who clearly exercise and go to the gym/run, but haven’t been looking to really pack on the pounds. Is being 180lbs of muscle the only way to truly have women notice when you walk in a room? I’m 5’9″ and ~125 pounds. I think I look good and I wear clothes that fit, and most people can tell from looking at me that I go to the gym, but clearly I’m many pounds away from ‘buff’, ‘jacked’, or ‘shredded’. Is it worth the attention from the ladies to keep up the gym routine and shove down the protein shakes? Or are slim fitting guys better off than they think?
Hi guy (we accidentally cut your name off the bottom of the email you sent us and we haven’t been able to locate it; it’s probably floating around looking for a cozy Internet place to land even as we speak, so, um, sorry),
I get questions of this nature all the time: “Are women into guys who are ______________?” And the answer is usually the same. Yes.
There are a lot of women out there, and some of them like jacked guys/tall guys/bald guys/hairy guys/thin guys/you-name-it. There is not one standard of beauty for men, there are merely preferences. Just as some men prefer very petite, slender women while others prefer very curvaceous, busty women, and still others prefer athletic, toned women, and still others are more concerned with hair color or facial features than body type, women’s desires in a man run a vast gamut. Certainly, there are women out there whose ideal is a very slender man. And there are even more women out there who don’t come to the table with an expectation for body type but will come to find yours attractive when they’re attracted to the rest of you–face, sense of humor, intelligence, hair.
Just to give you some further insight, my sense is that women are a little more vague about their ideal. (Yes, yes, I know some of you have been burned by women looking for a professional man with a six figure income, height requirement, and perfect abs, but these vultures do not represent women as a whole.) For instance, I knew a girl in college who loved smiley guys. Seriously. She could not resist a guy who smiled a lot, and she went after a whole range of men who looked different in every other sense. The only thing they had in common? Cheshire cat.
When I think back on my own storied past, I’ve dated tall men, short men, ripped men, skinny men, heavy men. What did they have in common? They were all very traditionally masculine–aggressive, sports-watching, hard-headed, take-charge men. (It’s not as archaic as it sounds–I just prefer to be with a guy who’ll spar with me a little, know what I mean? Pushovers need not apply.) It’s been my experience that other women are similar. They want a granola-eating earthy guy or a sensitive poetry-writing guy, but they’re flexible on the package that these guys come in.
So…no need to down protein shakes if you’re happy with your body the way it is. Work your thinness–there are a lot of styles only very slender men can wear, so take advantage! You can wear slimmer-cut pants, suits, and shirts. You can rock a man cardigan. You can probably pull off suspenders or a bow tie. Dress your package–uh, so to speak–in what flatters it most, and then don’t worry about other people’s body types.
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