What are you going to wear? Or in this instance, what is HE going wear? St. Nick has a huge job ahead of him. Lots of miles to cover, lots of soot filled chimneys to get down, lots of cookie crumbs & milk spills to avoid. It’s a dirty job, but that doesn’t mean Santa can’t look sharp while doing it. Here’s what he might wear while putting another 25k-50k miles on the sleigh. (Top Photo Credit: @vidarnm on unsplash)
The Sweater: Brooks Brothers English Rib Merino Cashmere Turtleneck – $148.80 ($248). Santa hasn’t been hitting the off-season cookies like he usually has (been practicing some mindfulness), and thus, he’s been staying pretty fit this year. So no massive, bulky bargain bin sweaters for him. Italian spun 90% merino wool/10% cashmere for a luxurious feel and comfort. Ribbed throughout so Santa doesn’t sweat frozen puddles, but still plenty warm. 40% off through Christmas Eve.
The Cap/Crash Helmet: Shearling Sheepskin Leather Aviator Cap – $59.99. Santa has taken some spills on rooftops over the millennia, so to stay compliant with concussion protocol, Papa Elf has recently (like in the last century) added this to St. Nick’s kit. Sheepskin base keeps him warm, while the safety team has added aftermarket padding based on the crystalline atomic structure of marshmallow fluff. Traditional red hat attaches via magic. And velcro.
The Watch: Hamilton Khaki Aviation Converter Auto – $1145. Great as his classic Citizen Nighthawk is, Mrs. Claus treated him to something *wink* really nice last year, and it performed beautifully. Thank you kindly, ma’am. Steel case, slide-rule bezel (in case the on-board sled computer fails), and a fitting red-tipped color scheme.
The Mask: Custom Fur-Lined Facemask w/ TinselTech 2.0 Filtering System. Another custom job from Elf R&D, who upgraded the micro-tinsel weave to keep even more dust and germ particles out, and makes sure Santa doesn’t spread his own “Christmas cheer” all over your goodies. Super helpful with chimney soot, too – shoulda done this years ago!
The Air Freshener: Car Freshener Royal Pine – $0.74. You try sitting behind eight tiny reindeer (or nine, depending on the weather) for an entire evening. The yearly elf initiation involves sneaking some curry chicken into Dasher’s feedbag, which earns him the unfortunate new nickname “Gasser.” Poor fella.
The Nice/Naughty List + Pen: Waterproof Field Notes – $14.95 | Fisher Space Pen – $59.50. The master list stays on the scrolls at the pole, but for the big night, a duplicate is transcribed to a pack of weather resistant “Expedition” Field Notes. Meanwhile, the pen works in extreme temperatures and will write from any angle. Even in zero gravity. And that’s perfect for maintaining order on the list when Blitzen gets a wild hair up his tuchus and leads the team on spontaneous inverted aerial maneuvers over the Aegean.
The Coat: Custom Gore-Tex Cashmere-Lined Topcoat w/ Horween Leather Belt. One of a kind. Made by the Mrs. w/ help from Elf Q Branch.
The Base Layer: Champion Dual-Layer Cotton/Wool Union Suit – $49 ($64.99) A classic for a classic. Flatlock seams, cotton comfort inner lining, and a timeless look.
The Goggles: Mark 4 Split Lens Flight Goggles – $88. Sheepskin face cushion. Prescription progressive lenses by the Reykjavik Costco Optical Department. After market, NORAD connected, heads up display via DARPA.
The Belt: Stretch Woven Elastic Belt via Amazon – $10.99. Santa’s been extra solid with his workouts this year, so a night of indulgence doesn’t seem so bad. That said, he’s got to make a lot of stops. And that’s a lot of cookies and milk. A stretchy, easy to adjust elastic woven belt is a must.
The Boots: Allen Edmonds Weatherproof Higgins Mill in Black – $445. Port Washington is just an Uber away (well, more like 10) from the ‘Pole, so Mr. Kringle is certainly no stranger to Mr. Edmonds. A basic heritage work boot, with weatherproof construction and a studded Dainite rubber sole, then done up with custom red laces, of course. Perfect for Christmas Eve, with all of those slippery rooftops and what not.
The Socks: Flint and Tinder Wool Camp Socks – $18. Wool blend means toasty warm tootsies going from roof to snowy roof.
The Gloves: Give’r 4-Season Glove w/ Waxed Coating – $130. Dexterity and dashing good looks, and can handle -25 degrees F while he’s flying high in the sky, plus famous for being protective enough that the wearer is able to pick up a burning log. Comes in handy if Mom and Pop forget to cool the fireplace before the kids hit the sack. An easy buy for the big man.
The Pants: Bonobos “Off-Duty” Pant in Bracken Brown – $79 ($99). While he does “work from home” 364 days a year, these are still his preferred “on-duty” pants as well. Since he’s invested in a terrific home gym and he has upped his Jinglebell-squat routine, the slightly tapered cut is his fit of choice. Shedding the “big boy” label is a long road, but Mrs. Claus always admires him when he’s working on his thunder.