DOSSIER UPDATE OF THE WEEK: Remember those horrifying robot dogs from last week which figure out how to open a door? It is so much worse than that. Then there’s this. Shudders.
BECAUSE OF COURSE: This should come as a surprise to nobody who is paying attention.
I’LL TAKE BUSTING BRITISH STEREOTYPES FOR $400, ALEX: It’s not just about fish and chips over there. Also, talk about burying the headline. The brand managers at DHL cannot be enjoying any of this.
IF YOU HAVE SPENT ANY TIME WITH THE DOSSIER…you have an idea just how unsurprising I found this since I consider ants to be our greatest enemies of all time (I blame it all on this). They will be our masters one day. I hyperbolize because I care. (Miss Michael, my 7th and 8th grade English teacher would strike me down for saying that.)
APPARENTLY, AMERICA IS IN NEED OF…(spins the wheel)…Happiness. (Obligatory)
READING IS FUNDAMENTAL: It’s how you avoid things like this. And while we’re at it, paying attention is also kind of important in situations like this.
WHAT DO RUSSIAN TROLLBOTS TWEET? Here are a couple hundred thousand examples.
FIGURE SKATING: It’s not about fancy outfits and spectacular jumps. Case in point: Adam’s abs.
A METAPHOR FOR LIFE:
Why yes! Eric H did send another generous batch of must-reads for the Dossier. I am basically just kickin’ back all up in here.
ICE ICE BABY: When it comes to the Winter Olympics, you don’t skimp on the ice. And that applies to all of the different kinds of ice required to make it all happen.
AUDIO OBSESSION: When you just can’t stop thinking about that one song so you have to write a blog about it. Speaking of great songs, this one is pretty underrated in terms of their catalogue.
EYE ON THE SKY: This is a genuine thing of beauty. I hope we learn great things from this.
EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN: Where memes come from.
CHALLENGE! You have thirty seconds to come up with as many jokes as you can about superwood. Or superheroes. Or both.
LIGHTNING ROUND: China, Hip Hop and the emergence of streetwear. | Eric’s INCOMING! for this week. | The song of the boxer. | Fuck cancer. |
MY KIND OF MONKEY!
QUICK! What is the color of a tennis ball?
REPEAT AFTER ME: Don’t blame the fruit. Don’t blame the fruit. Don’t blame the fruit. Don’t blame the fruit.
OH THAT’S NASTY: For reals. And when you add this to the equation, it’s enough to make eating a stressful endeavor.
WAIT, WHAT? So you decided that this was the way you were going to get some press? Really? Hope it was worth it. Sigh.
REAL, LEGIT IMPORTANT JOBS: Sometimes I wonder what that would be like?
OH BUT PLEASE! Do tell us again why the cost of R & D is the real reason behind drug prices like this. Greed. Pure greed.
THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS: When you have issues with people, this is exactly the kind of thing that keeps me off the high seas.
SUING FOR ‘SQUATCH: When the state doesn’t believe you, take them to court! Also, good luck with that.
PUT DOWN THAT WINDEX! No, really. It seems like we either go back to the days of vinegar and water, or we just stop cleaning our surroundings.
IS IT BAD I RECOGNIZED ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS? LIKE, IMMEDIATELY?
WE ARE SO UPTIGHT: How uptight are we? We are so uptight that we can’t talk about sex with our kids so this is happening.
HEADS UP GUYS: This is my last Dossier. I will be leaving to open one of these. Send me all your band aids and neosporin!
PEPE LE PEW IS NOT AMUSED: Or, perhaps, he’s totally amused.
IS THERE A PUP IN YOUR LIFE? This is relevant to your interests. Also, who knew?
I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU! This is essentially what these adults just did. I’m not sure this will end up going well for them.
I loved this book. LOVED it. I think this might actually turn out ok!
I was going to put this in next week’s playlist but Eric reminded me that it shouldn’t wait.
Tim Johnstone is Dappered’s music correspondent as well as our resident gatherer of all things interwebs related. He doesn’t really hate people. Mostly.