CURRENTLY:
I am the monkey. The bones are ice and snow. That is all you need to know.
FAST FASHION… comes with a price. And not the one that’s on the sales tag.
OH. MY. HAMBURGERS: Please make this happen. We deserve it. Because, uh, 2016 and stuff.
APPLAUSE: Nice to see that Europe has our back.
THE 800 POUND GORILLA: When you are king of the jungle, you can do stuff like this. Remember when their motto was “Do No Evil”?
SOUNDS LIKE A PLOT FROM A NOVEL: Oh wait, it might end up being just that. I don’t even mow my lawn very well and don’t ask me about my electrical panel. So to pull off something like this? Nice work.
MURDER OF SNOW CROWS:
Crows in snowy trees in Portland, Oregon. This is something.
WELL THAT WAS QUICK: So many jokes. SO. MANY. You guys have no idea how difficult it is being responsible and not going for the low hanging fruit. Instead, I’ll let Deadspin go there for me: It “…looked like the Dodgers logo stuck its dick in a wall socket.” I do feel bad for the poor kid in Advertising Design 101 who was given the responsibility of whipping this up.
DULY NOTED: Sometimes maybe you don’t want to put stock in that Darwin stuff after all. Because, Brazil.
SPARE NO EXPENSE! Nothing like having the buzz that comes from scientists successfully resurrecting long extinct animals killed off by the very probable unintended consequences. But still. Rad.
HOW TO LIVE ONE’S LIFE: In three parts. So we will begin at the end. And we continue with on how they are an example for others. And we will end at the beginning. As my Editor says, “Verne Lunquist is, quite frankly, the man.”
THIS BETTER NOT SUCK:
LIFEHACK OF THE WEEK: It’s not often that one finds anything genuinely useful on Tumblr but this is pretty handy. Do you watch Netflix? Do you ever wish you never watched a particular TV show or movie, not only because it was terrible but because, and this is worse, it follows you around forever afterwards, influencing the algorithms which suggest what to watch next? Yeah, no more. Take that crap out of your viewing history by going to your account page. Look for the link that says “viewing activity.” Then you can x the titles that you wish you’d never seen and voila, a better list of recommendations.
SO THIS HAPPENED: I didn’t even know these existed. I have it on good authority that these are pretty cool and I know a few people who have purchased sets to donate to middle schools.
ABSOLUTELY BARKING STARS: Please let this thing do what they think it might be doing. Because, applause.
PSA OF THE WEEK: Remember, taking your furball to a crappy veterinarian is no way to return that unconditional love. This is kind of depressing.
SPEAKING OF DEPRESSING: Here’s your long read of the week.
MAN-BAIT.
PERSPECTIVE: The “I would never stop puking” edition.
NOT EXACTLY A LITTLE RED CORVETTE: But there was a Bentley and a Lincoln MKT. Also, Page 9. Line item 5. Because, of course.
AWKWARD: If only there was some way of quickly discovering if a gift might be considered insulting. If only.
EGGED INTO THE GREAT BEYOND: When tossing your mortal coil, it is generally considered good form to go out with what is referred to as a bang. One word. Cement. Ew.
WHEN YOU ARE IN IT FOR THE FUN: These guys are having a blast. Good for them. And it would be super convenient for me and some pals of mine if they end up with a happy ending.
EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS: Every. Damn. Thing.
CONSEQUENCES: Things will continue to get bumpy as fall out continues from the results of “populist” movements in the West.
WHEN REALITY CATCHES UP WITH FICTION: I just finished Margaret Atwood’s most recent novel. Atwood has a knack for creating richly imagined parables about where we are headed in our possible dystopian future. “The Heart Goes Last” includes a story line eerily similar to this. Only darker.
DAMN MOTHER NATURE: You can be awesomely terrifying. Best special effects ever.
NOT QUITE INCOMING-WORTHY…but worth the time. Up first, a horror anthology featuring stories from four female directors, including Annie Clark, better known as the musician St. Vincent. Then there’s this, and honestly, I have no idea what is going on but I’d watch it.
INCOMING!
Tim Johnstone is Dappered’s music correspondent as well as our resident gatherer of all things interwebs related. He doesn’t really hate people. Mostly.