Never trust a man who wears…

But first: A big fat disclaimer/hedge on such a strong statement:

Listen. Saying “never trust a man who wears…” seems extremely judgmental. And that, we’d like to think, runs counter to one of the underlying themes of this website. 99% of the time, 99% of us don’t give a damn what someone else wears. And even in that slim 1%? It’s good to remember that there’s always exceptions to whatever perceptions we’ve got rattling around in our feeble, ready to lead us astray buckets of grey matter. But as an exercise in filtering, here’s perhaps some fashion flags that could warrant at least some tactful, slightly suspicious side-eyeing…

A Suit on the First Date – There can be mitigating circumstances where there isn’t an alternative, but, overall this isn’t a good first step.

A Hoodie on the First Date – It happens, but… C’mon man. What we doing out there man?

His Class Ring – Homie, High School (or College) is over the day you get the diploma. Keep the bow of your ship pointed towards the next thing, and away from that trap of a port.

A workshirt with a name on it that isn’t his name – “Hi Dave!” “My name is Aaron.” “Oh.”

Trio of Tie Bar + Pocket Square + Boutineer/Lapel Pin – That’s a lot of chest flair. Pick one. Or two.

Nothing. Proudly. As much as possible in the gym locker room – Y’know who doesn’t do this? Gay guys. So the bros can take their stereotypes and shove em’. It’s the old straights (or the young, peacocking straights) who want to dangle and present with unrepentant pride.

Only French Cuff Shirts – You’re not too good for buttons.

Socks While Having Sex – Man, take care of your toe nails.

Anything with a Hooters Logo On it – Right.

More than Two Rings – Wedding ring? Sure. Inherited family heirloom? Of course, if you’re lucky enough to have one. After that it can get cluttered and convoluted quick.

A baseball cap. All. The. Time. – Baseball hat addiction is something that afflicts many men out there who are crushingly self conscious about their hair or head shape. It’s also a transparent mask. Ditch the hat fellas. Take some small steps to get there. You can do it, and you’ll be better for it.

A Comb Over – In the 21st century, it’s a major sign that you can’t accept your own reality. If you’re not from a time where it was an understandable habit, then don’t even try it. If you are from that time, strongly consider lopping it off.

A Wedding Ring one moment, then NO wedding ring… when he walks into a bar. – Seen this happen in person. It’s scummy as hell.

Bike Shorts at the Gym with no intention of getting on a bike – A guy’s bits and pieces are on his lower half. It’s a little presumptuous to assume the rest of the world wants to see the contours of your genitals.

Cologne that enters the room before he does – If I can smell you across the conference table, or from the next cubicle over, then you’ve made a conscious decision to project your sphere of existence further than the rest of us have chosen to. So you think you’re special then? This is basic, golden rule stuff. Do unto others. I’m not pushing my stink on you, so, the reverse is fair, no?

Stubble & a Suit sans Tie to a Job Interview or Funeral – This isn’t the time, playboy.

Clunky work boots with skinny jeans – How could you even begin to do physical labor if your pants would split the moment you squatted down to pick up something, y’know, heavy? This is like putting all terrain tires on a Miata.

Lifts in his shoes – It’s the comb over of the vertically challenged.