BE WARNED! This has happened to most of us. You unbox a new purchase and… it’s just okay. Not a home run. You know you should return it, yet for some strange reason you don’t. Inertia is a powerful force, and e-commerce w/ its home delivery uses inertia to their advantage. That’s dangerous. Beware of these pitfalls the next time you’re on the fence about returning something..
#1. Inkjet Impotence
Your rarely used printer ran out of ink and you kept forgetting to pick up another cartridge so you could print off the return label.
#2. The Self Destructing Bag
Because instead of a box, they shipped it in a bag. And when you opened it, you tore a huge hole in the damn bag, and it was just a small thing you got during a free shipping no min. sale, and you’d have to tape the hell out of the bag or… WHY CAN’T THEY JUST SEND STUFF IN A BOX.
#3. The Endangered Species
It doesn’t look as good in person. But it was the last one. Maybe it just needs to grow on you?
#4. Black Hole Trunk
Had it all packed up and ready to ship back, stuck it in the trunk of your car… and promptly forgot it was there until well after the return window had expired.
#5. The… never even made it into the Black Hole Trunk
Had it all packed up and ready to ship back, set it next to the car-wash supplies as you loaded other stuff into your trunk, closed the trunk, drove off, and forgot it was there until well after the return window had expired.
It’s time to play… “spot the waste of money!”
#6. Scuffed Sole Stupidity
You were testing the fit of the shoes “on a carpeted surface” (just like they ask) and then ran outside to put the garbage out on the curb as you heard the truck coming down the street. In the rain.
#7. Fat Chance?
“Man these are tight. Well, I gotta lose a little weight anyway”… annnnnnd PIZZA NIGHT!
#8. The Meatloaf Special: I would do anything for love…
Your significant other said they really liked the way it looked on you… even though you didn’t. And still don’t. Hey… some days it don’t come easy… some days it don’t come hard…
#9. Hidden in Plain Sight
You didn’t want to forget to send it back, so you put the box in a place that you see every day… and it just started to blend in.
#10. Poor eBay execution
THOUGHT: “Maybe I can flip this on ebay?” ACTION: None.
#11. The Mall Deterrent
It seems silly to get charged for the return shipping, especially when you can return it to a store for free, but that store is at the mall. And you hate the mall. The parking, the people, the perpetual construction the… aww to hell with it.
Hell of a parking job there Milton. Really, really well done.
#12. Ex Post Facto Fit Failure
You got the item for an incredible deal, but the fit isn’t quite right, and you’re hoping you can shrink it in the wash/the leather will stretch with wear/etc… and that solution never materializes.
#13. Goodwill Hunting
Set it next to the stack of stuff headed to the thrift store. Guess where it ended up?
#14. Guilt
You’ve been returning a lot of stuff lately from that retailer. And you (stupidly) don’t want “them” to think you’re a bum.
#15. The Rasputin Label
The return label was super small compared to the original shipping label (so you just couldn’t cover the old label with the new return label), and when you tried to peel off the original shipping label you discovered it was affixed to the box with some sort of industrial grade epoxy that refuted every single f*cking attempt to get that motherf&cking thing off the damned box and you ended up with a bent backwards finger nail, an original shipping label that looked like it had been attacked by a lynx (that STILL wouldn’t be covered by the return label), and an overwhelming desire to just chuck the damn thing out the window.
(Parking lot photo credit. Ashamed to say that the garage box fail is an original.)
i do hate the mall. i really do.
The box won’t fit into the UPS dropbox
I love this post!
Joe, did the car wash / garage thing actually happen or is that a staged pic?
And I can’t find the darn UPS Dropbox.
Pro tip, if you ask the USPS guys, they’ll ship it anyway. It’s cruel…and will take longer, but they’ll do it.
“You didn’t want to forget to send it back, so you put the box in a place that you see every day… and it just started to blend in.”
Well, that’s about right for me. I can’t count how many times I’ve boxed it back up, and then just… forgotten it sitting there in plain view.
15 reasons that haunt me at least once a month…
I really, really, really wish it was staged.
haha. Did this post stem from that?
Believe it or not, it wasn’t the direct inspiration.
I’ll be taping the ever-living-hell out of a bag today, for a return. I’m now hell bent on not letting these things happen again.
You didn’t notice one of your items wasn’t Prime-eligible at checkout…
Or go to Staples?
A warning on #14–some retailers WILL blacklist you if you have too many returns. Consequences range from not sending promotional emails to blocking you from placing orders. Kinda frustrating when those retailers don’t post garment measurements online, so the only way you can see if something fits is to order and try on.
Definitely the fit ones. And I bought a pair of the Kenton suede bucks in navy because the SO convinced me (I wanted the tan). The shoes arrived and she could not stop talking about how much she loved them….. I’m still not feeling it. Now the tan ones are just sitting on my wishlist wondering why I didn’t just pick them in the first place.
Number 14 resonated with me. Can you mention any specific retailers who will do this?
Great Post! I cringe over all the online purchases I’ve made over the last year or two that have ended up being donated because I fell victim to one of the ’15 reasons’. Ugh.
The Pizza night part had me rolling. Fantastic post as always!
Pretty sure Target will only accept a certain number of returns in a given amount of time… month? Year? Was told this at customer service.
I believe that’s only if you don’t have the receipt. I was told the same thing a couple months ago – bought a shirt, changed my mind, and could not find that receipt for the life of me.
I find myself saving usable boxes and envelopes for just such an occasion. Not that difficult to store and a huge convenience when you do need ’em.
Welp. I’m 14 for 15. This is a new level of shame for me.
I am guilty of #7 and #15…
That used to be correct and probably still is. I worked in customer service at Target back in the day and we would allow either two or three returns without a receipt in a 90-day period. That was 10 years ago, though, so things may have changed.
Michael–if you bought something from them with a credit card or a gift card they can look up your purchase even if you lost your receipt. That doesn’t count as a no-receipt return.
#1 and #7. Always forget to print it while I’m at work.
Black hole trunk FTW
Shipped in bags? I’m looking at you, Gap family…
#14 and Allen Edmonds… I can’t go to the store at Willowbend Mall anymore. it’s not just perceived guilt, though. The dude working there seriously dislikes me and he’s very snarky.
Well… at least your car looks nice and shiny in the pic. That Gold Class Car Wash stuff looks like it works quite well.
I’ve actually missed returning items because of the carrier whom the return label is for. UPS or FedEx? Got a UPS Store and FedEx Store just around the corner. USPS? Nah, I’ll just hang on to it, no local “mailbox” stores nearby, and I really don’t want to go to the post office.
#14…. Not really a “style” purchase, but I keep ordering stuff from REI.com (stuff that isn’t available in my local REI store) and then returning it at the local store if I don’t like it in-person. I’m pretty sure the REI clerks think I’m completely crazy.
I’m currently sitting on about $200 worth of hiking gear just because I’m too embarrassed to return it in-person, but too cheap to return it by mail….
There’s also the “But I got such a great deal on it” reason. They were only $23.99. How can I send them back for that price? It’s a third of that just to send them back!
Correction: His car WOULD look nice and shiny if he hadn’t set the soap in the garage next to those old boxes, only to forget about it.
Oh it’s (decently) shiny now. Washed it recently. Noticed the box when I did so. Which has been sitting there for maybe a month and a half.
As someone who frequents Goodwills and just today found two new Uniqlo OCBDs for $4 apiece I love number 13.
That park job makes me cringe. It’s a miracle you can’t see the dance of a thousand keys on that caddy’s paint.
Wait whaaat? I’ve been wasting my time then. Thank you for this PROtip!
Some people actually make #7 work for them, especially if it involves only a relatively small amount of weight loss.
It’s sort of an extra dumb variety of #12, but can we include “not allowed to return since the item was final sale, which you knew before ordering, AND you ordered the wrong size because they didn’t have your size left and you hoped it would fit anyway”? Or it that just me?
I live in Australia. Try returning goods that are shipped from the US. The postage cost is a killer and most e-commerce sites do not offer free returns for international customers.
Had a similar situation arise with a Uniqlo shirt I just purchased. Between the return shipping you are responsible for (overseas) and the shipping deduction they take from your refund, I decided the hassle wasn’t worth a $10 refund three weeks later.
I very rarely return things. I should… I really should.
I have a sport coat, a blazer, several polos, and a few dress shirts that are way past their return date that I don’t wear for various reasons. My excuse? None of the above. I’m just f*cking lazy…
We got dinged by one of the automated fraud-prevention return monitors a few months ago. We thought it was because they actually considered us illegitimate users (we’d often add an extra item to get over the free shipping minimum, then return it on the next trip to the mall. Or we’d buy 2-4 of everything and return at least 3 (honest and earnest size uncertainty – my wife and I are both between sizes in most brands)). During an Ann Taylor return, we got told that they’d accept this one, but we wouldn’t be allowed to return any more. I was pretty outraged, and followed up with the consultants that flagged us. It turns out, when Ann Taylor upgraded one of their systems, they failed to link retail returns to internet purchases, so even though we were returning with the receipt, it looked to their system exactly the same as if we had bought the stuff on eBay (or shoplifted) and were returning without one. I went on some outraged rant (along the lines of “why offer free retail-store-returns if you’re just going to call us thieves for doing it?”), and they apologized / fixed it (I’m sure we were only some of the many people hit by the failure to link the two systems). It was an interesting look in the mirror, though – “Am I a fraudster? I DO combine a lot of coupons…”
Wearing my too-big Alden pants right now! Thanks, BR