Dappered

Affordable Men's Style

  • Don’t Miss Anything
  • Start Here
  • Essentials Shop
  • Latest Deals
  • Style Scenarios
  • Reviews

How do I get my stuff back from my angry ex?

June 26, 2014 By Beth | Heads up: Buying via our links results in us getting a commission (not always, but just about), which helps keep the lights on around here. We also take your privacy rights seriously. Head here to learn more.

Ask A Woman: “Have your friends collect your records and then change your number.”

You're hovering a bit there bucko.

If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. She also might provide an answer without waiting to be asked. That happens from time to time too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com .

 

Hi Beth,

I’m a young man who has recently split up with my girlfriend of 4 years. I can’t say that our break-up was ‘clean’ and at this point we want nothing to do with each other romantically.

My ex-girlfriend is clearly very upset about the break-up. See, we lived together, and I still have some of my belongings at our old apartment (I moved out). Every time I try to contact her to coordinate a good time to pick up my things she lashes out, calls me names, compares me to other men, and threatens to steal my belongings.

I’m trying to remain as calm as I possibly can. My question to you is: how can I improve this situation? I care about her and her future goals and my hope is that, eventually, we can keep in-touch and remain friends.

Alex

 

Hi Alex,

Bummer about your break-up, especially after 4 years and living together. That must be rough. My condolences. Unfortunately, you can’t do anything to improve this situation. Your ex is being an ass, and nothing you do or say will change that. She may come to her senses of her own accord, but it won’t be because you finally found the right words. Our relationships with other people are always messy, even if they’re good, because humans have been blessed (cursed?) with free will. Other people do what they want to; we can’t control their behavior. This is really frustrating, especially when we are pretty sure we’re in the right.

So, considering your lack of control in this situation, how do you get the items that you left at the apartment? That’s a difficult call. Is your name still on the lease? If so, and you no longer have a key, you could contact your landlord, explain the situation, and ask if they could let you in to get your belongings (at a time when you know she won’t be there). Otherwise, you could just try showing up at her place, asking her to let you in so you can quickly collect your things, and hope for the best. Though I sort of hesitate to advise you to do that because from what you described, she seems a little…volatile. I don’t know if she’s as immature face-to-face as she is with you on the phone, but if she is, an in-person meeting might escalate quickly. A third option is to try a third party. Do you have a mutual friend who could get your things for you? It sucks to involve someone else but it’s a messy situation, and there’s really not a perfect solution.


Alex should have been more specific in his personal ad: “Don’t steal my stuff.” (NSFW)

I’m sure there are also legal avenues you could take to get your stuff–the attorney I consulted with about this quandary forbade me to bring up any legal issues. Apparently if you try to give legal advice and you’re not, you know, a real lawyer, it’s called the “unlicensed practice of law” and prosecutors frown upon it. Fine, fine. So I don’t know how you’d do it exactly, but surely there’s a way to use the long arm of the law to get your stuff back.

As for the issue of friendship…you’re remarkably calm for a guy who has had his stuff taken hostage. But, hey, maybe she’s really nice when she’s not swearing at you. Under saner circumstances, it would be understandable that you would want to have a connection with this woman in the future. You made a life with her; it can be hard to let go of that bond.  But it’s pretty rare to stay friends with an ex. Even the most mature people find it difficult to forget the sins committed during a relationship and break-up. Also, your ex doesn’t like you right now. That might not change (especially if you pursue legal action to get your belongings back). I’m not saying it’s impossible, but it’s important for you to be realistic about the odds of forging a friendship with her in the future. I also think it’s pretty common to feel this way–“I want us to stay friends”–right after a break-up…but a year later? You may not feel the same need to hold on as you do now, especially if you are seeing someone new.

I hope this helps, Alex. Hey, if you never get your stuff back, maybe a good excuse for splurging a little and replacing those shoes/floor lamps/high school yearbooks? Eesh, well, not everything can be replaced. Good luck.

-Beth

Got something brewing in your life? Send me an email–style, etiquette, relationships–I answer it all:  askawoman@dappered.com

Filed Under: Women Tagged With: Crank Yankers, dating, relationships

Continue the Conversation …

Want to share your thoughts on this article? Send us a tweet, join the discussion on Facebook, or hit us up on Instagram!

Don’t Miss Anything

Subscribe via email to get articles in your inbox or add Dappered on Flipboard. You can also follow us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Or subscribe to push notifications to get alerts immediately.

New Here?

Well, welcome to Dappered. Here are what we consider the most useful posts on the site if you're looking to put a little more effort into your appearance. Just want to see our favorite menswear products? Shop our essentials here.

Steal The Style: Danny Ocean’s Tieless Suit Look in Ocean’s 11, 12, 13

Steal The Style: Danny Ocean’s Tieless Suit Look in Ocean’s 11, 12, 13

“You gotta walk before you crawl.”

Most Wanted Affordable Style – March 2023

Most Wanted Affordable Style – March 2023

Spier’s new stretch cotton blazer. Timex’s new automatic watch. And an old sneaker favorite makes a big return.

Style Scenario: Well Dressed on a Gray Rainy Day

Style Scenario: Well Dressed on a Gray Rainy Day

Prepped for the slop of very-early-spring, while still looking put together.

Follow Dappered on Instagram »

Men’s Fashion or Affordable Style?

Men's Fashion or Affordable Style?

Fashion is temporary and expensive. Style is timeless and affordable. Dappered® helps you work the retail system so that you can be comfortable, look sharp, and save money.

Want to share a great product? Email Us.
For a fit perspective, see Joe's measurements.
Make sure to read our affiliate disclosure.

CONNECT WITH DAPPERED

Thanks! Check your inbox or spam folder to confirm your subscription.

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Most Popular on Dappered

  • Sanders Chukkas, Timex M79 Automatic Watches Under $200, & More – The Thurs. Men’s Sales Handful
  • Monday Men’s Sales Tripod – Woodlore Shoe Trees BOGO, Nike’s Extra 20% off Spring Sale, & More
  • One Store, Five Outfits: Extra 25% off Brooks Brothers Sale Items
  • Style Scenario: Well Dressed on a Gray Rainy Day
  • Stock Alert: The Q Timex GMT is back in stock.
  • header image of green beer Style Scenario: Going Green for St. Patrick’s Day – Casual

Popular Topics

  • Best dress shirts to own
  • Best looking watches under $100
  • Best men’s dress shoes under $200
  • Nike Killshot sneaker alternatives
  • How to wear a suit without a tie
  • Suitsupply store review
  • Suitsupply Blue Line review
  • J. Crew Factory Thompson suit review
  • How much does it cost to tailor a suit?
  • Dopp kit essentials
  • Brown shoes with gray pants
  • Men’s style buying guide

Copyright © 2023 Dappered.com | Dappered, LLC | Dappered® is a registered trademark of Dappered, LLC

Hat tip: Magazine Pro Theme On Genesis Framework

Dappered does not collect or sell its users personal information | Disclosures: Privacy and Affiliates, Gilt.com, FTC

WPE

We work with partners that use cookies to understand how visitors use our site. Find out more.