Dappered

Affordable Men's Style

  • Don’t Miss Anything
  • Start Here
  • Essentials Shop
  • Latest Deals
  • Style Scenarios
  • Reviews

I Want to Date My Co-Worker…p.s. I’m Married

February 27, 2014 By Beth | Heads up: Buying via our links may result in us getting a commission. Also, we take your privacy rights seriously. Head here to learn more.

Ask A Woman: Someone get Maury Povich on the line…

You're hovering a bit there bucko.

If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. She also might provide an answer without waiting to be asked. That happens from time to time too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com .

 

Hello Beth,

I have a work colleague who I have a crush on. We have spent a lot of time together and have become very close. We talk constantly and text all day. The problem is she has a boyfriend, and I am married but in a long distance relationship that is not working out. I think she may be interested but she respects the situation. Should I attempt to take our relationship to the next level or just simply remain friends and see what happens?

Craig

 

Hi Craig,

Wow, there is a lot going on in your email. You have 1) your own marriage 2) the fact that your co-worker is in a relationship 3) uncertainty about whether this woman is even interested in you 4) the messiness of dating a co-worker. If you feel jumbled while reading this response, trust me, I felt jumbled while writing it.

Call me old-fashioned but before you even think about pursuing another woman, you need to deal with your marriage “that is not working out.” It’s hard to tell what you mean by that—have you hit a rough patch but there’s been no decision made about the future? Or are you separated and there’s an understanding that dating other people is okay? Or are you just waiting for your divorce papers to be finalized? Unless both you and your wife have agreed that you no longer want to be together and that seeing other people is acceptable, and you’re actively pursuing the dissolution of your marriage, you need to put your dating plans on hold.

Having this failing relationship as a part of your current emotional, financial, or legal life is going to make anything you pursue with anyone else, very complicated. For instance, if I were your co-worker and considering dating you I might be concerned that you’d eventually treat our relationship with the same disregard. Not to mention that all of this could complicate your relationships with any mutual friends you share with your wife (who might be horrified that you’re dating while still married), or your future relationships with your co-worker’s family and friends (see previous parentheses). Finally, being unhappy in your marriage might make it seem like a new relationship is a necessary balm to soothing your pain, but it could be a mistake to start something new before you’ve had a chance to get over whatever happened between you and your wife.

A word to the wise, dating your co-worker can get…complicated.

Setting all of that aside is the fact that your co-worker does, in fact, have a boyfriend. Is it possible that you’re misconstruing friendship for serious interest on her part? Knowing nothing else about this scenario, I have no idea either way, but I think it’s something to ask yourself honestly. If you think there’s real potential there, and you’re being responsible about how you’re handling the end of your marriage, you could tell her how you feel in an honest, respectful (i.e., don’t try to make out with her) conversation. If you’re wrong about her feelings, it will may ruin your friendship or at least make it very awkward for the foreseeable future. If you’re right, I hope you’ll wait until she’s ended things with her boyfriend before you carry on.

Finally, before jumping into anything with this woman, find out what your company’s policy on dating in the workplace is. If it’s not forbidden, keep in mind that if you do date this woman and it goes south, it can make for a pretty uncomfortable working environment. Even the most mature adults with the best intentions can become petulant when hurt romantic feelings are involved.

-Beth

Got a question for Beth? Send it to: askawoman@dappered.com

Filed Under: Women Tagged With: Ask A Woman, dating, dating a co-worker, relationships

Continue the Conversation …

Want to share your thoughts on this article? Send us a tweet, join the discussion on Facebook, or hit us up on Instagram!

Don’t Miss Anything

Subscribe via email to get articles in your inbox or add Dappered on Flipboard. You can also follow us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Or subscribe to push notifications to get alerts immediately.

New Here?

Well, welcome to Dappered. Here are what we consider the most useful posts on the site if you're looking to put a little more effort into your appearance. Just want to see our favorite menswear products? Shop our essentials here.

Steal Alert: J. Crew Extra 60% off Final Sale Styles + new items added

Steal Alert: J. Crew Extra 60% off Final Sale Styles + new items added

From $20 swim trunks to $138 unstructured suits.

4th of July Sales for Men: – 50% off J. Crew Summer Styles, Gustin USA Made Stock Sale, & More

4th of July Sales for Men: – 50% off J. Crew Summer Styles, Gustin USA Made Stock Sale, & More

Rancourt. WP Standard. Spier. adidas. Timex. Nordy’s Anniv. Sale preview catalog. Updated for the weekend.

The Best in Affordable Style from the Half-Year that Was – (Jan – June 2022)

The Best in Affordable Style from the Half-Year that Was – (Jan – June 2022)

Outfits. Advice. Lists. Bourbon. Watches. Shoes. Squirrels.

Follow Dappered on Instagram »

Men’s Fashion or Affordable Style?

Men's Fashion or Affordable Style?

Fashion is temporary and expensive. Style is timeless and affordable. Dappered® helps you work the retail system so that you can be comfortable, look sharp, and save money.

Want to share a great product? Email Us.
For a fit perspective, see Joe's measurements.
Make sure to read our affiliate disclosure.

CONNECT WITH DAPPERED

Thanks! Check your inbox or spam folder to confirm your subscription.

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Most Popular on Dappered

  • 4th of July Sales for Men: – 50% off J. Crew Summer Styles, Gustin USA Made Stock Sale, & More
  • Steal Alert: J. Crew Extra 60% off Final Sale Styles + new items added
  • The Best in Affordable Style from the Half-Year that Was – (Jan – June 2022)
  • Style Scenario: All Made in the USA for the 4th of July
  • Monday Men’s Sales Tripod – Taylor Stitch Summer Sale, 365 Shorts Deal, & More
  • The Dappered Essentials Shop

Popular Topics

  • Best dress shirts to own
  • Best looking watches under $100
  • Best men’s dress shoes under $200
  • Nike Killshot sneaker alternatives
  • How to wear a suit without a tie
  • Suitsupply store review
  • Suitsupply Blue Line review
  • J. Crew Factory Thompson suit review
  • How much does it cost to tailor a suit?
  • Dopp kit essentials
  • Brown shoes with gray pants
  • Men’s style buying guide

Copyright © 2022 Dappered.com | Dappered, LLC | Dappered® is a registered trademark of Dappered, LLC

Hat tip: Magazine Pro Theme On Genesis Framework

Dappered does not collect or sell its users personal information | Disclosures: Privacy and Affiliates, Gilt.com, FTC

WPE

We work with partners that use cookies to understand how visitors use our site. Find out more.