Ask A Woman: Danger, Will Robinson!
If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. She also might provide an answer without waiting to be asked. That happens from time to time too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com .
Did you know that this period of time, between Halloween and Thanksgiving, is when the most break-ups occur? Probably because people begin to think ahead to how much time they’ll likely be spending with their significant other (and their SO’s family) during the holiday season. The holidays are stressful under the best of circumstances. If you realize you’re not that wild about your other half in the first place, well, makes sense to cut ties before you’re stuck at a table with his or her family. In that vein, here are five types of women you should avoid dating. Many of these “types” also apply to men, so if you date men, steer clear of these dudes, too.
#1. Control Freaks
Full disclosure: I’m starting out with the type that I am closest to–I have a small coronary when the dishwasher isn’t loaded to maximize space; I have to sit in the living room with a cold compress on my forehead when my husband is cooking because the kitchen gets destroyed. Just acknowledging that while I judge, I am well aware of my own shortcomings. Okay, control freaks. Anyone with a type A personality, anyone who is driven or ambitious is probably going to be a little controlling. But I’m talking about lack-of-boundaries controlling. For instance, someone who insists on picking out what you wear. Who calls you every half hour when you’re hanging out with the guys. Who doesn’t want you to hang out with the guys at all. Who monitors what you eat. This is not healthy. The two people in a relationship get to remain individuals. That doesn’t go away just because you’re dating someone. You get to make decisions about yourself and your life without constantly being watched by the other person. Cut loose a woman who makes you second guess everything you do.
#2. Mean Girls
Sometimes controlling women and mean girls are one in the same, but not always. This one doesn’t require much explanation. Mean is mean. She constantly criticizes you (especially in front of other people); she’s unfriendly towards your family; she doesn’t care about getting to know your friends; she does and says things that are hurtful and cruel. Why would you subject yourself to this? Kindness is the most underrated human quality. In a partner, in a friend, in a family member, in a boss, in a co-worker. Someone who is kind makes your life easier, and makes themselves easy to love. Pick a partner who is kind.
Mean girls, they’re easy to spot.
#3. Loners
If a woman has no friends, you don’t want to date her. She doesn’t have to have 50 friends, or even 10 friends. There are a good number of introverted people out there who are totally date-able but prefer to keep their social circle small. They have 3 or 4 friends they regularly speak to and confide in, and that’s all they need. Cool. I’m talking about a woman who has no friends. Zero. Not from childhood, not from college, not from work, not from her apartment building. There’s something… off here. There might be someone wonderful lurking inside, but for now, an inability to make or sustain friendships means this person is completely unprepared to sustain a healthy romantic relationship. It also makes it likely that she won’t understand how important your friendships are to you, and thus spending time with them may become a point of contention.
#4. Women-haters
I’d also advise men to proceed with caution when they meet a woman who says she’s never gotten along with other women. I’ve met a number of these women (and lived with one when I was young and foolish, God help me). They might have friends, but most of them are men, and the women friends they do have they talk shit about constantly. Here’s the deal with women who don’t like other women. They say things like, “Girls are always jealous of me” or “I can’t deal with girl drama.” Neither of these things is ever, ever true. Women like this tend to be very competitive with other women–for men, for attention, for whatever it is they are seeking. Other women are not looked at as sources of companionship; they are obstacles to whatever this woman wants. When the friendship inevitably fails, the woman blames it on the fiction that her ex-friend was jealous of her hair or her ability to get guys, instead of the fact that she was a terrible friend. (Guys, this might sound familiar to you among your male friends–I’ve heard men say of an ex-friend, “He was always jealous of how much tail I could get”–yeah, I don’t think so.) Narcissism is a really hard trait to accept in a partner–you don’t want to date a woman like this.
#5. Drama Queens
I kind of hate the term “drama queens” because I know as many overly dramatic men as I do women, and yet the word “drama kings” isn’t really part of our cultural parlance. I also think the term gets used too much, anytime a woman gets upset about something–“She’s such a drama queen.” Or maybe she’s just pissed off about something important. Anyway, to me, drama queens are people who make a big deal about small things, and who pick fights. They can’t get reservations at their favorite restaurant for their birthday and their “special day” is ruined. They’re always in a fight with someone: sister, friend, mom. The bath store is out of their favorite body cream and they demand to speak to the manager. They have two drinks and accuse you of being attracted to their best friend. If you feel exhausted keeping up with a woman and her demands…she might be a drama queen. The good news about drama queens is that they tend to mellow with age. Someone who is spastic at 20 is likely to be less so at 30. Still, do you want to put in 10 years waiting for that to happen? Maybe not.
-Beth
Got a question for Beth? Send it to: askawoman@dappered.com