Ask A Woman: The band that goes on your finger, not the one that butchers “Sweet Child O’ Mine.”
If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. She also might provide an answer without waiting to be asked. That happens from time to time too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com .
Hi Beth,
I recently got engaged, and now I’m starting to looking at wedding bands. I know it’ll be one of the few pieces of jewelry I wear, and it’ll last forever. I want to be traditional and use gold or platinum, but there are hundreds of styles out there. What are some stylish wedding bands that I should consider?
– Nicholas
Hi Nicholas,
Congratulations on your engagement! Hopefully this is an exciting time in your life, and you’re able to enjoy it (and not get wrapped up in wedding planning insanity). Looking at wedding bands is one of the fun parts (also cake testing–hello diabetic coma, but what a way to go). I can link to a whole mess of bands that I think are the bee’s knees, but I’d rather tell you what you should consider when choosing a ring, since you and I probably don’t have exactly the same taste, and you’re the one who’s gotta wear this thing, hopefully, until you turn to dust.
Pick something you like. YOU. Your band doesn’t have to match the style or be the same metal as your bride’s. It doesn’t need to look like the bands your five closest friends have. As I just mentioned, you’re the one who will be wearing this piece of jewelry, so it’s important to pick something you’re wild about, and that you’ll want to wear everyday.
Err on the side of simple. Like everything else, wedding ring styles are cyclical. Yes, Beth, but aren’t there classic styles that never look dated? Here’s the thing. Everything eventually looks dated. We talk a lot about how a navy blue suit never goes out of style, or a little black dress is always on trend…but these classics are constantly being updated, so that at some point, something about that blue suit is going to look dated–width of the lapel, break of the cuff, button placement on the jacket. These items are still your best bet when building a wardrobe, and they’re still where you want to throw your money (as opposed to a red crushed velvet blazer that looked so good during the winter of 1991), because they’ll last you longer than anything else, and you’ll wear them more than anything else.
All of this is to say, if you want a band that will be most likely to look modern and slick year after year, pick something that doesn’t have a ton of bells and whistles. A little etching or grooving is fine, but avoid a really complicated or overdone design.
Consider metals. This is the big one, especially for men’s rings. The metal is all there is (unless your ring is encrusted with jewels), so you really want to make sure you like the metal. Nicholas, you mentioned traditional metals like platinum and gold. Just a little edu-ma-cation for any unschooled guys who are reading…platinum is a heavy, silver-colored metal. It is a hardy metal, resistant to wear and tear, and priced accordingly. Platinum is more expensive than gold. Gold can be white or yellow. White gold has been chemically treated to turn it from its natural yellow color to a silver color. It is also a durable metal. If you choose white gold, you’ll occasionally need to get the ring “re-dipped” as white gold will gradually lose its silver patina.
Silver-colored metals have been the big trend in wedding rings, for men and for women, in the last decade. But yellow gold has begun to make a comeback recently. All the more reason to pick the metal you like the best, instead of going with whatever is currently in fashion.
Was that helpful, Nicholas? Still want some suggestions? Fine, fine. I picked a few favorites from Tiffany’s collection of men’s wedding bands:
Beautiful (but still manly) milgrain detail in the platinum ring at top left. I love the dulled yellow patina and the spare design of the 18k gold ring at top right. For the man who wears both yellow and silver jewelry, the mixed metal (platinum and 18k gold) ring at bottom left is a versatile choice. Finally, and we didn’t talk about this metal, but I love the look of this simple silver band at bottom right. Yeah, it’s made of silver so it’s going to ding and tarnish faster than other metals, but for a man on a budget, this is a really timeless, classy look.
-Beth
Editor’s note: If gold and platinum are too pricey for you, don’t forget about humble titanium. Super lightweight, usually pretty matte, and dirt cheap.
Platinum is fantastic. Heavy, but fantastic. Just keep it simple and realize it’s going to take a bit to get used to wearing a ring (and to marriage).
I went matchy-matchy wife my wife’s ring with a more complex design and I really regret it. Something simple never goes out.
I bought a simple gold band, with no detailing or accent. What inspired me to go simple was after a trip to Italy. No regrets here and my ring never looks out of place no matter what I’m wearing.
My first ring was platinum which was nice but it wasn’t worth the price in my opinion. My second ring is tungsten carbide which I like a lot. It’s not as heavy as platinum but has a good weight to it. Mine is matte in the middle and shiny on the outside edges. It was $200 and when I needed a new size they replaced the ring. I’ve been very happy with it and continue to get compliments on it.
Sorry for the lecture but as a jeweler I can’t resist pointing this out: white gold is not yellow gold that has been “chemically treated” but rather a different alloy alltogether. Pure gold is far too soft a metal to make jewelry out of so all of the rings you see will be alloys (mixtures of different metals) this is where the Karats come into play. 24k contains over 99% gold. 18k contains 75% gold and 14k is about 50%. It’s the other metals mixed in that affect the color of the alloy hence there is 18k and 14k white gold, but no 24k white.
The higher karat values will have more of a yellow tint to them and also tend to be a not softer and more prone to scratching.
The “dipping” referred to is when a jeweler elcetro-plates a layer of another metal (usually rhodium) over the rings surface. This is often done, but not always, because rhodium has a brighter and whiter look that either gold or platinum. If your ring is plated it will need to be redone periodically as the layer of material is something like a few atoms thick and wears away from your skin’s friction. Ask your jeweler to show you examples of dipped and undipped pieces to compare the finishes yourself.
I just got my wedding band as well. Definitely agree with simplicity!
If you cared to know what I did, I went with white gold with a slightly matte finish in the center, and more polished on the edges. From the center to the edges there’s actually an angle rather than a gradual rounded taper.
Whatever style you choose, consider a comfort fit band. It’s hard to describe in words, but it takes the chunkiness out of chunky rings by rounding out the inside. It cuts down the irritation.
Also, spending extra for platinum us pointless. Gold is a solid choice and you can always get it in white gold if you don’t like yellow.
Btw, you know why platinum is so expensive? Aside from its rarity, it’s used heavily in medical implants since it doesn’t oxidize. It’s also used heavily in the auto industry. This drives up demand and increases price.
We spent enough on my wife’s ring. Plus it was a custom design. We didn’t need to go spending any more on mine.
The wearing is eventually a given of course but would you consider a rhodium coating to be at all resistant to microscratches, dings, that sort of thing?
It’s a really handsome finish but I’m not clear on how durable it is.
I went with a simple and very inexpensive titanium band. My wife liked it so she got a matching one. Six years later, we’re still pretty happy with them.
Tungsten can be cracked by simple vise grips, and most ERs/EMS have pneumatic tools for cutting. This is a common misconception.
Titanium is the metal that may have issues, as far as I understand.
Congratulations on the engagement, sir.
I got married two weeks ago. My band is platinum from Tiffany’s. I didn’t know that it scratches … er “develops a patina” as much as it is doing right now. I still am so happy with how classic it is, but something to keep in mind. Also, platinum is heavy. Tiffany offers my plain band in three thicknesses. I originally wanted the thickest one, but I am glad I opted for the mid-size because of the weight.
It took some adjusting the week after the wedding, but it is starting to fit and feel better now. I was worried that the ring didn’t fit – but I think all the stress and celebration from the wedding made my fingers swell. I was glad that I had tried the ring on 3 times, to be sure of a good fit.
Another option is palladium. Its basically a cheaper option to platinum but looks brighter/ whiter and is lighter. Doesn’t need to be dipped like white gold. Can scratch a little though.
If you want to be all #menswear and stuff, JL Lawson can machine you a stainless steel wedding band. http://www.jllawsonco.com/products/be-like-water You could probably get them to do something in solid brass that will *patina* over time. 🙂
I am not recommending you go in this direction.
I’m surprised there was no mention of titanium or tungsten. My ring is a simple polished dome tungsten band with no grooves or engravings. It is quite heavy though. I almost wish I had gone with titanium (which is much lighter) but this one seems impossible to scratch and cost $11 on Amazon (it was over $100 at the jewelry store).
Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying platinum is pointless. I’m just saying that spending $1000 more on it is.
Of course, if you have an allergy, that’s a completely different scenario. Most people don’t have that issue, though.
I’m not a jeweler, and I see that you are. Obviously, you’re the professional between us. I’m not trying to rustle feathers. But aside from platinum being worth more than gold, it seems difficult to justify the price difference. The “benefits” really just seem more like “differences”, and even the warming effect on a ring can be seen more as a difference unless it just really bugs a person.
First off, congratulations!
I’ve got what I think is considered a Euro-dome style ring with a flat inner side and a domed outer surface (like the middle section of the 2-tone Tiffany ring above), 4mm wide without any detailing and haven’t regretted it once in the 8 years I’ve been wearing it. It’s a little meatier than a standard flat profile ring, but doesn’t really have any corners to rub or snag on anything. Simple, classic and understated.
Color is up to you. I picked yellow gold, not wanting my ring to ever look dated, since I plan on wearing it for a long long time. It seems to me that’s there’s a new “in” metal every couple years. Don’t worry so much about shine; if you treat your anything like I do mine, it’ll be a matte finish in short order anyway from all the nicks and scratches.
Since I’m a lefty, my watches are always on the opposite arm from my wedding band, so it doesn’t really jump out to people worried about matching metals.
I second this. I have a Tungsten band and have loved it. It is impossible to scratch (I even use it to open beer bottles, to my wife’s dismay) and looks great.
Also, make sure to look online and don’t just buy the ring at the same jeweler where you got your wife’s ring. I bought mine from the jeweler for around $300 and lost it about a year later. I found the EXACT same ring online for $40 from newegg of all places.
http://www.newegg.com/Product/ProductList.aspx?Submit=ENE&N=100010028%20600213821%20600072883&IsNodeId=1&name=Titanium
http://www.newegg.com/Product/ProductList.aspx?Submit=ENE&N=100010028%20600213821%20600072884&IsNodeId=1&name=Tungsten
For a wedding ring, I would go completely simple. Just a plain, slightly rounded band in white or yellow gold. Timeless and classic; something that will be just as beautiful when your children or grandchildren inherit it.
Amazon has great prices too. Looks like the one I got went up to $20, but I would say it’s still worth it. I agree that you should definitely look online rather than a jeweler.
http://www.amazon.com/Tungsten-Carbide-Plain-Polished-Wedding/dp/B009PFIZ6C/ref=pd_sbs_jw_2
Here’s another consideration I haven’t seen brought up yet, and that’s whether or not the ring can be resized. I got my ring from Jared (I know, they’re cheesy), and it’s a Scott Kay ring made of cobalt (here’s a link to a picture: http://sdrv.ms/1aqPFEA ). I liked it for the price, look, and weight. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize at the time that this metal cannot be resized by the jeweler, which is also the case with metals like tungsten carbide. I ordered it when I started losing weight, and by the time my wedding came around, it was too loose! I ended up never wearing the ring I was married with, and instead wore a $15 tungsten one off Amazon. Eventually with weight lifting my fingers “beefed up”, I guess, and the ring fit again.
If I were to do it all over again, I would have chosen gold, platinum, or palladium, as those can be easily resized by any jeweler.
When choosing a wedding band make sure they have a good drummer. You can’t dance if they can’t keep a beat. Beyond that make sure they’re well versed in the classics.
I don’t exactly want to put it to the test, but nowadays, ERs can usually take off a titanium ring as well.
Whew! Lol
Seconded. Gaining weight can cause your ring to irritate a nerve. Making sure you have a ring that is sizable will go a long way with your wife in ten years when you have to have it resized or replaced.
I have a titanium ring. I’ve heard this and have just taken it to be an urban legend. Let’s hope I never need to find this out first hand.
You sir, win the interwebs today.
VERY timely post. I’ve been meaning to ask the same question myself. Just got engages last month and have been thinking about the band. I know I want it to be silver colored, not yellow gold colored. Was thinking on platinum but reading the comments really have made me second guess myself.
I picked up a lot of overtime before I got engaged several years ago, so I splurged and wife’s engagement ring was platinum… but we both got palladium wedding bands and it was a solid decision. The white will never wear away like with white gold, it’s far less expensive than platinum, and it’s higher on the hardness scale than platinum as well (and so tougher to scratch).
I’ve gotten my mom to agree that whenever I get married I can have my dad’s wedding ring (he died 8 years ago). Of course, I should probably make sure that I like what it looks like first…
No mention of titanium? Affordable and has an amazing patina all its own after long wear. Affordable, but note to keep in mind, not sizeable and will take longer to cut in case of emergency.
Its possible saw a video on YouTube before I purchased one, but it takes like ten minutes vs one minute for gold.