Animal shakes, the NFL skates, Athletes rate and the brass section breaks.

At least one of you just squealed when with delight upon seeing this. You’re welcome.

IF YOU HAVE EVER HAD A SERVICE/RETAIL JOB…then you surely understand the total and complete horse-hockey that is the maxim “the customer is always right.” Eff that. This is unbelievable. Thanks to Dappered reader Joe G. for the tip.

STUDLY AND STYLIN: Complex.com has assembled their take on the Top 25 Best Dressed Athletes of the moment. I’m a fan of #25 (really? only #25?), #22, #8 and #7. But I’m the music guy so, yeah. We’ll let this guy have the last say here.

THERE IS NOT ENOUGH EVIL IN THE WORLD…that can be directed against these people. Also, the people who are the demand in this supply and demand situation. They’re worse.

I <3 RUSSIAN DASHCAMS!

You must be patient. Take in the euro-chillwave soundtrack. Appreciate the nonchalant joie-de-vivre of the worker. The sudden gratefulness and respect for our crumbling infrastructure. And the awesomeness that is that dude’s total commitment to rocking the moose knuckle. And that’s completely ignoring the obvious.

I HAD NO IDEA: The NFL is a non-profit entity? I think I have a problem with this.

TRUTH IN ADVERTISING: This really probably would be scary. But not for the reasons you might think. Also, not for me, but, you know, you should totally do it.

MANNERS AND CLASS: I can already sense the eye-rolls and the arched brows, but this right here. You never lose doing this. It will come as no surprise that I like what’s going on over here too.

BOTTOMS UP: Your one stop beerporium. Now I’m thirsty.

HOW WRONG IS IT…that I kind of want to totally hate this guy? I mean, c’mon man. You’re killing me.

HORN O’PLENTY: You just kind of feel bad knowing that this kid will never ever hear the end of this.

THE LATEST IN WATCHES: One extreme. The other. And in between. Personally, I’m sitting this one out. Meh.

BEST. WEDDING. VIDEO. EVER:

For a certain generation of the readership…this is gold.

OH THAT’S NASTY: Maybe I should have known all this or at least remembered some of this but damn, Scurvy was some terrible business. But this right here? That’s the most spectacularly useful nasty I’ve ever encountered.

HEY ALANIS: Now this is ironic. With the added aroma of Karma in the air.

YOUR LIFEHACK OF THE WEEK: If you are concerned about your privacy where it comes to your smart phone, this might be helpful if you just upgraded to i07.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE: Lifehack, the sequel. I knew about #’s 4, 5, 9, 13 and 14. I am going to try and remember #’s 1, 8, 18 and 29. I call baloney-smokes on #23.

THE HOLIDAYS ARE RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER PART II (HINT ²)

This is Playskool’s new toy for kids that parents all around the country will keep for themselves. And I am going to beat all of them to the damn toy emporium for this. It’s a combination video camera and projector. It comes with some kid-friendly digital FX. But it has USB connectivity. I guarantee you some indie-rock band will have “the first video made entirely with” clip on you tube sooner rather than later.

IS IT ME…or is this butting up against tin-foil-hat territory? Do I need some schooling here? I’m serious.

SAY WHAT? This right here is fascinating. Linguists have decided they believe they know what people talked like between 4500 BC and 2000 BC. They call it Proto-Indo-European. And now you can experience the reading of a brief parable abut a sheep and a horse in said language here.

GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR TOM: This sounds like not-so-much fun.

Need something else to read?

• I’m probably not so great at this, but there is hope for you.
• I have so much to learn. You know about this stuff, right?
• Also, this right here.