Ask A Woman: “Once I ran to you…now I run from you…”
If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. She also might provide an answer without waiting to be asked. That happens from time to time too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com .
Why does every single woman date an asshole? We don’t swear a lot here on AAW or Dappered in general, but I think this occasion calls for it. If a woman is lucky, she dates only one douche. For some women, unfortunately, this becomes a pattern, something that is really disheartening to witness. I think most women manage to outgrow it, though. Here’s why they do it in the first place.
Most assholes are charming. Seriously charming. It’s the truth. Think about guys you’ve known who always seem to get the coolest, smartest, best-looking women, even though they don’t treat their female companions very well. They probably have confidence. They probably dress well and take grooming seriously, even if they don’t have natural good looks. They know how to talk to anyone, maybe they have a great sense of humor, maybe they play guitar and always look deep and brooding like they’re contemplating the world’s suffering. Charm. This is universally appealing. Everyone is attracted to people with charm, men and women alike.
So there’s charm. That’s how they reel you in. But why do women stay even after the asshole-ness has presented itself? Because when a man is an asshole, in whatever form that takes, it makes a woman want to work harder to get his approval and love. BLECH. I hate myself for writing that, but it’s true. Same goes for men who date assholes (female or male). You’ve seen your friends date women who are terrible to them and they just seem to take it, right? This is why. When someone you deeply care about is cold to you or disrespectful to you–usually with no warning–it feels awful. You’ll do anything to get that warmth and caring back. And oddly, if you can’t understand WHY they’re being cold to you, it makes you feel even more desperate to fix it. So you stay, and you try to make it work.
My favorite ode to dating a jerk…
The good news, again, is that most women put up with this one time only. They get into it, it’s something they’ve never experienced before, so they stick it out, confused, until something forces their hand and the relationship ends. Then they spend the next six months wondering…what the hell was I thinking? And the next time they meet a man like this, they recognize the signs and run like hell.
So that’s the scoop. For all the men out there thinking, great, I’m a decent guy who only wants to treat women with respect, and I have to watch all these douches mistreat their girlfriends until they wise up…do NOT lose heart. After I broke up with my asshole boyfriend, I was on the look out for NICE. I wasn’t interested in dudes who said they would call and then waited three days. I wasn’t interested in dudes who made me work for their attention. So I ran right into the arms of the nicest guy I’d ever met and there I stayed. Women who make the mistake of dating an asshole will be all the more grateful and devoted when they find a decent guy.
-Beth
Got a question for Beth? Send it to: askawoman@dappered.com