Summer breeze, makes me feel fine…
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Hello Beth!
I’m an 18 year old male and have been invited to a wedding in a few months. I’m having trouble deciding what to wear as I’ve only been to one wedding before when I was much younger. I’ve got a navy blazer but fear this won’t be formal enough, yet I’m concerned that if I wear a suit I’ll look like a child trying to play dress up as an adult.
Do you have any suggestions on what to wear?
– Daniel
Hi Daniel,
Good question, and a great way to kick off the summer wedding season. For better or for worse, there is no longer a standard when it comes to wedding attire. This is probably because weddings are no longer a one-size-fits-all affair. If you’ve gotten married in the last five years, or you’ve attended enough weddings yourself, you know that the push is to be as unique and original as possible in your wedding planning. Writing your own vows, giving favors that represent you as a couple, visiting your ten favorite bars/parks/stationary stores/pawn shops for your engagement photos. What is expected of wedding guests also changes with each wedding. There is nothing wrong with asking the bride or groom or their families, what should I wear? Guests tend to be afraid to look dumb by asking, but there’s no shame is wanting to know what the dress code is so that you can show up appropriately attired. In the event that you can’t or won’t ask, here are some common wedding scenarios.
Beach Wedding
This includes destination weddings, and sometimes outdoor weddings in other settings, like in the forest or in a field with a barn (yep, went to that wedding three years ago). This setting almost always means casual-er wear. You’re not going to find many black tuxes in a crowd that’s sitting in folding chairs on the sand, with saltwater lapping nearby. Often you can get away with chinos and a button-down shirt, maybe a tie, in this setting. A jacket or full suit would not be required, though if you want to wear one, you can. Go with paler colors like light gray, and pick fabrics like linen or seersucker blends so that you’re not sweating through them.
Black Tie
Black tie means WEAR A TUX OR ELSE. For women, it means floor-length ball gowns, not shorter cocktail dresses. This should be noted on the invitation–never assume black tie unless you’re regularly being invited to events held by the Rockefellers. It’s pretty rare in our increasingly casual society, so I wouldn’t worry too much about this one.
Morning Wedding
Another rare event is the morning wedding. This is usually for small, intimate groups, maybe 20 or 30 people, and a brunch or lunch might follow it. The wedding is typically wrapped up by early afternoon. This tends to be a more casual affair. Usually the bride is not wearing a normal extravagant wedding gown, but instead has opted for a simple dress from a department store. Thus the guests can follow suit (ha! pun definitely intended). Men should wear nice pants and a button down shirt, perhaps a tie, perhaps a jacket. Like the beach wedding, avoid very dark colors (same goes for women).
Afternoon/Evening Wedding
The most common of weddings these days. The standard is a suit and tie for men, a cocktail dress for women. Color is up to you, though if you want to dress seasonally, do darker colors in the fall and winter, lighter colors in the spring and summer. I personally have been seeing more and more men attend weddings without jackets and without ties, so it’s not unheard of. But if you want my opinion (and you’re writing to me, so hello? what do you think is going to happen?) I think a full suit with tie (or a combination of dress pants, blazer, and tie) is appropriate, attractive, and preferred. You can take the jacket off at the reception. You can loosen the tie a bit. But show up with your best foot forward.
Choose your own adventure: Beach wedding, Black tie affair, Morning celebration, Evening wedding
Daniel, I get what you’re saying about looking like a kid playing dress up. I want to point out, though, that you feel this way because you were recently a kid, and you’re straddling the awkward transition from childhood into adulthood. You will probably feel like a big weirdo wearing your suit and tie. That’s fine, you’re not accustomed to it. Figuring out how to be an adult is kind of a mind fuck. You feel too old for some things, too young for others. Eventually you’ll come to terms with the land of adulthood, and it won’t be as confusing. Actually, it will still be confusing, but for other reasons–why am I hungover after having just three drinks? Why did the IRS tell me I still owe $139.72? Why won’t the dog stop digging holes in the backyard? Why didn’t someone tell me I was supposed to get the air ducts in my house regularly cleaned out?
See what you have to look forward to?
-Beth
Got a question for Beth? Send it to: askawoman@dappered.com
To Daniel’s concern about looking like a kid: the biggest thing you can do to avoid that is to have a suit with a modern cut and that fits you really well – you’re far less likely to look like you played dress-up in dad’s closet if you have something with reasonably slim (and appropriate-length) sleeves & pant legs, and that fits well in the shoulders. Since you’re clearly a Dappered reader already, you hopefully know that already, but always worth reiterating. If you do end up needing a suit, the archives on this site should have you more than covered for suggestions. (I’ll throw in another vote for the J. Crew Factory Thompson.)
I had found this website useful for inspiration.
http://www.fashionbeans.com/2012/dressing-for-a-summer-wedding-on-a-budget/
Oh, absolutely. The fit is what makes the difference between “18-year-old borrowing daddy’s clothes” and “handsome young man”.
And I second the Factory Thompson Wool suit. For around $225 + minimal tailoring, it’ll look great and last him not just weddings, but interviews once it comes time for college internships.
Good advice, but I think for most weddings he easily could wear the blue blazer with nice khakis or linen pants, a (preferably starched) white, blue, or blue striped shirt, nice brown shoes (think bucks or loafers), and a nice silk tie. He will come across as a young man who is well prepared to meet the joys and challenges of adult life. I don’t think that he needs to buy a new suit for the wedding, particularly if he is unlikely to wear it again soon, and the blazer outfit will look better than a cheap suit would look. This from a middle aged lawyer who wears suits every day and has college aged children.
Exactly. And if he doesn’t have a suit like that, a wedding is the perfect opportunity to make a worthwhile investment.
100% agree. You don’t want to look like you’re wearing your dad’s hand me down suit. Wearing one that fits you well, and wearing it with confidence, definitely won’t give that impression.
I agree. A tailored navy blazer is much more versatile for a gentleman Daniel’s age. Paired with chinos or flannels, he has an outfit that can be worn to weddings, college events, networking functions, fraternity/sorority semi-formals, and the list goes on and on. I have a dozen suits for work, but my navy blazer gets by far the most mileage (and can pair with more shirts, slacks, and ties).
Don’t be afraid of color. I’m attending a wedding in mid-October, and I plan on wearing a gray suit with a pink gingham shirt.
Another option I’ve used for more casual (or summer) weddings is to ditch the jacket in favour of a vest. You can do it with or without a tie, and if it’s complementary (say, grey) you can even wear it under the blazer. Of course as some of the other guys mention, fit is critical.
Things like a nice pocket square or a bowtie can also help you to look a little less like a kid playing dress-up. if you do choose to wear a regular tie, make sure it’s relatively slim and try to stick to a basic pattern like dots or stripes (or a solid) in basic colours.
Oh, and make sure your shoes are clean and polished too. Come to think of it, most of the ADULT men I know can’t seem to get that part right.
I think this is a really good idea, but the Degree of Difficulty is fairly high. So, I would reserve this for those with more sartorial experience. I would follow others advice and get a well fitting suit.
Agreed. If money is an issue, buy a cheaper suit and have it tailored, rather than a more expensive suit that doesn’t fit well. Or, if you’re really lucky, you can get a slim fitting suit off the rack. Since you’re a younger guy, I would say a skinnier, but not skinny (2″-2.5″) tie will be a better bet.
Also – don’t wear a tie if you go without a jacket. Too high a degree of difficulty if you’re worried about looking like a kid.