Face it. We’re all a little bit nuts. Have you ever stopped yourself while thinking about something style related and thought: “does anyone else think about this stuff”? Chances are some do… but most men absolutely do not. The internal dialogue of those who put a little attention and effort into their appearance must sound like a foreign language to most men. Or, just flat whacko. Proof is below. Top Photo Credit
#1. Of course you know how to tie a necktie, but the knot you tie your necktie in is determined by a careful analysis of the spread of the shirt collar, the width of the jacket lapel, the fabric of the tie, the occasion for which you’re wearing the tie, the…
#2. The presence of a moth in the house is far more frightening than a black widow spider.
#3. “I wonder when my tailor will be done with my jeans.”
#4. Does an aviator-style watch strap really look “right” on a dive style watch?
#5. You’re thrifting, find an amazing suit, and wonder if your tailor is talented enough to remove the pleats from the pants.
#6. Button stance is everything.
#7. Whenever you and your significant other are about to head out on the town, you have a back-up outfit in mind just in case they put on the exact same color combination that you’re already wearing. Bonus crazy points if you actually have it all laid out and ready because this happens all the time.
Green & grey huh? How do we keep doing this?
#8. The key to your car is often removed from the keyless entry fob and carried solo because all that bulky fob does is mess up the drape of your slim fit pants.
#9. You look forward to that first day in September the temps stay in the 60s… so you can break out your fall sportcoats.
#10. An outfit being “Matchy-Matchy” is a real thing. And it’s bad.
#11. A blazer on a wire hanger makes you wince.
#12. Getting old isn’t so bad because you finally get to wear more hats.
#13. Shoe trees are to new dress shoes, as insurance is to a new car. You don’t buy the latter without adding the former.
#14. There’s more than one way to lace a pair of shoes. And certain types of shoes deserve certain kinds of lacing.
Left: Bar lacing usually looks cleaner on dress shoes.
Right: Standard criss-cross lacing might not make you wanna jump. jump.
#15. Keeping cool in the summer has less to do about layers and colors, and more about how well the fabric that you’re wearing breathes.
#16. Not using a shoe-horn to get into a pair of well made lace-ups gives you the guilts.
#17. There’s an oxford, and then there are oxfords. And not every oxford is really an oxford, and more often than not oxfords aren’t really oxfords.
#18. … just like a button-up isn’t always a button-down, but… well… might want to keep that all internal. It’s awfully close to correcting someone’s grammar.
#19. We wear cow. We wear cordovan. Cordovan isn’t cow. We eat cow. Why don’t we eat, uh, Cordovans? (Well, at least not knowingly)
#20. The cost of a desirable high end object is not thought of in dollars and cents, but instead calculated by how many items in your closet you’d have to liquidate on eBay in order to add the new luxury item to your wardrobe.
#21. Hey look! It’s ten after ten! Man, that looks good.
Lucky for all of us 10:10 just so happens to happen twice a day.
This site has got me thinking of several things on this list – not that many though so Im not that far gone yet!
Extra crazy points if you forgo the keyless-entry fob altogether because the key itself is slimmer.
Precisely what I was going for… but, was worded poorly. It’s all the crazy, I swear! (updated above)
Seriously guilty of number 9. At the end of every summer, I’m eagerly anticipating breaking out my fall wardrobe. So glad I’m not the only one.
Ah. Now I get it.
… I mean… *cough*… who does that… really?
Ha #8 is spot on. Love that one.
Yes, I see the world in two seasons, Tweed and Not-Tweed.
We do eat ‘cordovans’ here 😉 Nothing can beat a nice horsesteak. I know you Americans are probably wincing right now.
#22. You choose which pockets to put things in not by their convenience, but by which ones are least likely to break your silhouette. Bonus crazy if you put on a jacket in order to have more pockets.
When #2 happens, we go to defcon 1 and put all the closets on lockdown until we catch/kill the little bugger.
#7 happens to my wife & I all-the-time. Extremely annoying.
#8 hit a little too close to home. Every. Single. Day.
My fingernails hate me.
#22. Your mother.
I have been known to use the “valet key” because the primary key and fob are one unit. Hopefully I never need to get into the glove compartment…
When you see someone with the bottom button buttoned on a blazer its all you can do to keep from commenting.
You see a guy on the street wearing a black suit, and you consider walking closer to make sure that it isn’t dark navy before you cringe in distaste.
One of the reasons I look forward to fall/winter is the extra pockets.
Bonus points for shouting at the TV
Think about #20 all the time! lol
I do this all the time. I did it yesterday. And it was hot out.
#19. We wear cow. We wear cordovan. Cordovan isn’t cow. We eat cow. Why don’t we eat, uh, Cordovans?
All the people I know who have partaken say ‘cordovans’ are great eating.
(Practically though, besides the livestock-companion dichotomy, much of the medication they get, I’m told, isn’t considered safe for food animals.)
You worry that your tailor is judging you because of how often he sees you
#8. When ever I go out with the ladies, I always ask them to carry my key fobs and phone in their purse so I don’t walk around with an uncomfortable bulge in my pants… pockets.
Also, what kind of Tissot is that? Have been trying to find for a vintage looking chrono but they are all so damn expensive!
Nah. I’ll eat anything once. More than once if it’s good. Where are you located?
Does this mark the first appearance of Mrs. Dappered?
Do I get even more bonus crazy points for having a pocket protector for the inside pocket of my jacket, so that I can carry my pens and dry erase markers without worrying about the jacket?
Give the man the benefit of the doubt. He might be on his way to a funeral…
Yeah. A funeral for his personal style. HAIYOOOOOO
I’m not ashamed that #8 drives me insane. It’s the only thing I really hate about owning a VW, they are inseparable.
Need to re-lace my shoes and get that whole oxford that isn’t an oxford that’s an oxford thing down.
Belgium, Europe. The eating of horse is in decline here. We used to have special butcheries only for horse.
Well, I see the two seasons as Tweed and Linen, but, really, I don’t understand why this isn’t taught in school.
#8… I thought I was the only one who did that. I purged my keyring of unnecessary bulk a couple years ago and haven’t looked back.
!!! <Dan scurries off to Amazon to search for pocket protectors.>
#14 is debatable (as everything is) – I see bar lacing touted all over the menswear sites however GQ endorses cross lacing for practical reasons.
#7 can be fun/cute. Embrace it.
Agreed. I just moved to Florida and I am really nervous I’ll never get to wear any winter clothes again.
Same
You walk by store mannequins and it takes a lot of self control not to redress or rearrange what they are wearing.
i have to admit I actually laughed in agreement with #8 and #16
Ha! I just re-read my comment… “When #2 happens…”
I have a miniature Stig on my keychain. I can’t bear to remove him, but that means I have to either wear a jacket to keep a massive bulge out of my pocket, or I’ve got to leave my keys dangling out of my pocket, held in by the Stig. 🙁
#3…
Glad I’m not the only one who eschews bar lacing. It looks clean but it’s fairly non-functional, especially when you have more than a couple pairs of eyelets.
I had a LEGO Stormtrooper on my keychain for many years. I was sad to retire him when I streamlined my keys a few years ago, but he looks just as good perched on my desk with my other weird knick-knacks.
June 18, 2013 – Reads list and realizes officially too far gone. 75% confirmation leaves feeling of either “intermediate” style status…or obsessive compulsive. Action item: take online OCD test to find out.
Next year will complete my PhD and may move. Half the time I think I don’t want to move to south Cali because I won’t be able to wear my jackets as much, if at all (currently in NY).
in Northern Italy they do a nice raw preparation with sea salt and cheese and stuff. It’s, um, well, exactly like you’d expect salty raw horse cubes to be.
I chuckled at #1 since I had just explained that concept to my step-son, laughed at #2 since that happened last night, by time I got to #3 I was sure you were reading my emails.
It’s a real pain on one pair of boots I own. I won’t lie. But for everything else, it seems to work pretty well for me. It might also make a difference in what type of laces are being used (waxed or coated vs not waxed or coated).
Regularly contemplate moving off Maui so I can wear jackets more often.
Ha!
To kill the humor of the cordovan joke, I know Horween only uses horses that died of natural causes to make shell cordovan (which is part of why it’s not as common as calfskin). And usually, it’s not a good idea to eat an animal that died of natural causes since it either wasn’t healthy, or really old.
We ate cordovan in Iceland. It was delicious, as are most animals. 🙂
I catch myself all the time: “Rubber sole dress shoes with a 0% chance of rain, really?”
YES! I can remove or attach a key to a key ring in like 2 seconds flat.
I know what you mean, my (now ex) girlfriend has a Chevy with that kind of key and made me carry all her stuff when we went out so she didn’t have to take her purse. Drove me nuts having 2 cell phones, and her jumbled mess of a key chain. Fortunately, I didn’t have to take my keys, no A/C meant we took her car.
… Why must they always ‘pop’ the collar on polos? I spent almost an hour one day fixing them before I realized what I was doing and left the store.
Pardon my ignorance, but I guess I don’t understand #21, is there something special about 10:10, or just the fact that you have a watch and not having to check your cell phone for the time?
Haha. I used to work retail and would redress them all the time. It’s still an instinct.
Who…does…#2…work for?!
…Waiting with bated breath for Pitti Unomo to start so you can check out what silly sprezzatura schtick is happening and then copying it. Last year it was one buckle undone on one’s ‘dub-monks’. You missed it and felt unbalanced all year.
I think because its the symmetry, and all official sales photos of watches seem to use that time
I think pierrot is right, in part–symmetry is a consideration. But, more than that, I’ve been told that it looks like a smile, and so makes the watch more attractive to potential purchasers.
This is pure gold. It made my day. 17/21 for me. I laughed quite hard about #8, as I’ve been doing that for years. (It’s even caused me to lock my house key in my house several times.) Excellent compilation, guys.
Slimmer, sure – but how do you remote-start with just the key? Use the Force?
DEFCON-worthy #2s are the worst! I mean best.
#7 (the matchy-matchy couple dealio): Just fell victim to this one over the weekend. I walked out of the bedroom ready to head out, noticed my wife was also wearing white pants and a navy top, turned right around and went back to the wardrobe to pull out plan B. I didn’t have B at-the-ready though, so not full-tilt crazy, I guess (hope). Yet.
If you’re worried about the size of your keys, then I’d say your pants are much too tight. What do you do with your mobile? – mine’s larger and heavier than any key fob I’ve ever seen.
Man, this whole anti-black suit movement really needs to stop.
I understand there’s an association built between people who know nothing about fashion and buying black suits. That’s fine. But even for business or social settings, the black suit can be plenty appropriate and some can pull it off and some cannot.
Traditionally, wearing black suits in the daytime was limited to only servants and funeral participants (whether willing or not). That’s why Brooks Brothers didn’t offer an OTR black suit for 130+ years. There isn’t really an “anti-black suit” movement. There’s only a “hey-I-think-I’ll-wear-this-black-suit-in-the-daytime-even-though-I-look-like-a-chauffeur” movement. But hey, people can do what they want.
Cringing distastefully because you SEE someone in a black suit and thinking that anyone who wears a black suit looks like a chauffeur…
I think today’s post may be applicable here.
As would a sense of humor.
That’s why you use European lacing for your closed oxfords:
http://www.fieggen.com/shoelace/straighteuropeanlacing.htm
It keeps the shoes tight and it looks better above.
Plenty of people prefer rubber soles for practical reasons that don’t necessarily have to do with rain. It’s why Brooks Brothers Allen Edmonds shoes are half rubber.
I love leather soled shoes, but if I’m ever going out to bars, I’ll never wear them.
Didn’t know about #21. Cool.
#9 in Los Angeles… it was 102 degrees yesterday 😐 I need to wait until late October.
#20 is the only way I can get permission from my SO to buy more things I don’t need.