Ask A Woman: To shave or not to shave.
Originally Published 11/1/12
If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. And don’t worry, your identity will be protected too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com
Hi Beth:
I am 20 years old and I’ve always had a lot of hair on my body. Not only chest hair, but, everywhere. I have never been uncomfortable with it, despite that I come from a generation that is too used to the idea of “clean shave.” But I made the mistake of shaving certain parts two holidays ago. After going through the annoyance of letting it grow slowly, I thought the lesson would’ve been done, and with that the end of my punishment . But I was wrong. It appears that it grew in even more.
I don’t know what to do, Beth. First off, I don’t know if girls really mind that. I guess while there’s love… but anyway, I feel I can’t shave it, because of that “If you shave it, it will grow back stronger” thing. I feel I can make things worse by doing that. What can I do?
– Jonathan
Hi Jonathan,
Speaking as a woman with very dark hair who came of age and has continued to mature in a time when women are expected to have ZERO body hair…I feel your pain. Literally. I could fund a scholarship in my esthetician’s name with the amount of money I’ve spent on waxing over the years. Anyway.
First, that theory about body hair growing back thicker, darker, faster, with magical powers and steroidal muscles–not true. Ask your doctor. Check out Snopes, the world’s crusader in debunking urban myths. So why have we believed this for years? Well it’s probably one of those things that just got started by a doctor somewhere with misguided intentions (you know, like what will cause blindness in young men). I think it was probably then entrenched in our culture by personal experience because people noticed that their hair did seem to be thicker than it had been before. But the time when girls begin shaving their legs and young men begin shaving their faces also corresponds to the onset of puberty…a time when hair grows in thicker all by itself. Classic logical fallacy–post hoc, ergo propter hoc. Just because one thing happened first, doesn’t mean it led to the second thing. You’re 20 years old, Jonathan, which means that when you were 18 you shaved the area around Little Ricky–classic timing for hair growing in thicker on its own because of hormones, not your razor.
Kramer…spreading Old Wive’s Tales.
So don’t stress about the hair being thicker. It’s not. It’s growing in the same as if you’d been born 100 years ago, and never taken a razor to your body, before we became a society obsessed with hair removal. Some doctors even caution that the lack of pubic hair sprouting from all these teens’, twenty-somethings’ and thirty-somethings’ crotches is actually bad for the public’s health. Pubic hair protects against infection and disease–you may be more likely to get an STD if there isn’t a barrier between you and your partner. It’s fun when Beth puts on the Dr. Ruth hat, yes?
All of that said, if you like the aesthetic or feel of a clean shave down there, or anywhere else on your body, go ahead. But it sounds like you don’t mind your body hair, you’re just concerned that women will mind it. Like everything else–muscles or slim physique, brown hair or blond hair or red hair, athletic ability or artistic talent–what women like depends on the woman. The only way to find out is to date. Like you said, when love develops, a bit of body hair won’t be a deal-breaker. In the meantime, while you’re getting to know these women, if the bouffant nature of your thatch makes you feel insecure, there’s a happy medium between bare and billowy. Trim it, my friend.
-Beth
Got a question for Beth? Send it to: askawoman@dappered.com
+1 for trimming
I was just debating asking a similar question myself. While I knew better than to believe the grows back thicker myth, I wasn’t sure which way to go on the matter either. Currently, it’s winter and I don’t feel like dealing with it presently, its the summer time that throws me for a loop. Mainly due to the fact that I don’t like my chest hair, but I feel I look … effeminate?, its a tough decision.
that is, I feel I look effeminate if I shave it.
I’ve had the same issue. Recently started trimming the chest hair for that reason (no chest hair feels strange) – throw a #2 on a clippers and have at it. Seems like a good middle ground.
I have to go the “manscaping” route as I just feel fresher and cleaner. If you’re always in the gym sweating up a storm like me; it’s almost mandatory. With my experiences on the matter, women today typically prefer it than rocking the Austin Powers look.
Here’s another vote for trimming the forest, and anywhere else you might want to reduce the tangly mess of body hair a bit.
“Classic logical fallacy–post hoc, ergo propter hoc. Just because one thing happened first, doesn’t mean it led to the second thing.”
I love that you mentioned this.
With that said, trimming body hair is necessary if you have a grizzly bear within 5 generations of your family tree. A simple trim will also cut down on the itchiness, as compared to the full shave which will be obnoxious when it grows back in. Body hair is just like the hair on your head–when it gets too long, do you shave it all off? Some might, but most just go to the barber and get a trim. This thinking should apply to all your body’s hair.
Make trimming part of your weekly routine. Also, baby powder and baby oil works wonders for that itchy feeling after a complete shave or close trim down below.
Good advice.
However — and this is just a question with no intended animus — is this really a subject for a style blog?
Downrated five times for asking an honest question. Nice. (I suspect that total will rise now.)
This can go for all body hair, but do you want kisses on that part? Would you rather kiss hair or skin? Do you like the idea of getting that small hair in the back of your throat while enjoying sexy time? I consider it fair exchange for expecting (and liking!) the same of the opposite sex.
I would consider it more appropriate than technology talk.
No blade touches my body below my neck. And since 2010 as of today, no blade has touched my body above my neck (well, face at least, I still get my hair cut).
Of course, I am married and my wife wouldn’t have it any other way, so I have that luxury. Not sure how I would do things if I were still single. However, I have never “manscaped”.
I think its a completely appropriate question. Style is about more than clothes. Dappered often offers grooming advice (which this constitutes). One needs to little more that see the tabs at the top of this page for affirmation of that.
Understood and noted. The reason I bring it up is because while you might use the word to describe what the writer is talking about, “grooming” on a men’s style site might better refer to what the world sees.
If it belongs, it surely belongs under “ask a woman.” You might also say that the editors decide what belongs and since it’s their site, it belongs QED.
The comment was intended only to start a conversation about where the community thinks the line might be drawn. For me, the line is socks and undershirts — and only because they’re routinely a part of “style” as read here: the presentation of the man to the world at large. That’s as much as I want to know about what other guys have going on. After that, I’d just rather not — and there are plenty of sites that specialize in the full range of self-care questions.
I’m not bashing the site, the column, or the editors.
Personally, I think a full shave just looks funny and unappealing on either sex. If it’s appealing to you, then go for it, of course. I’m a big fan of the neatly groomed look, regardless of what part of the body is in question. Brush your teeth, trim your toe nails and if you have a man-forest, convert it into a man-city-park.
And yes, this is a perfectly appropriate question. Bravo for addressing it.
My first girlfriend told me once that if it wasn’t such a jungle “down there” it would be more appealing for her mouth to go there.
trimmed the next day and never looked back, doesn’t feel right anymore when it grows out.
If a man doesn’t have some hair down there, I assume he’s gay. Most of my female friends feel the same. If you’re gay, shave away. That’s cool. But if you’re not, for the love of god, be a man.
I get my privates waxed every 45 days. It’s cleaner, sexier, and all around just better.
I see nothing wrong with it. The title is self-explanatory and you clicked on it. Plus, this is the “Ask A Woman”, which I read as “Ask what you would not ask your buddies”.
If you shave your mini-me bald, then your chest hair is going to have a weird border where it stops and your happy trail will just be a dead end. Or you could just shave your stomach/chest too…but then when will it all stop? Eventually you will be laying naked in the fetal position on the bathroom floor shivering from your lack of body hair with a superman-tight grip on your razor. I say trim.
For some reason I’m picturing you as a masochistic Sergeant Major subjecting your squad to the army’s newly enhanced basic training techniques.
Maybe I’m older than some of the other dudes here, but it seems totally outlandish to me. When i was a youngster, women loved body hair on men, just as men loved soft skin, etc. Secondary sexual characteristics were half the fun!
Personally, I manscaped. But differently. I had my pubes dreadlocked.
Hell no to full hair removal. Natural is ok, shaven is too if you like it that way, so is trimmed. But a full-on wax? Enough is enough. I don’t think it’s attractive when you look like a 10 year old on steriods. Just as with women. Groom whichever way you want but the man who only likes a completely hairless woman… There os something wrong with that guy. Children are hairless, adults shouldn’t be
I think the up/down votes are used fairly frequently as “agree/disagree.”
+1 for trimming it
Unless you’re rocking a six pack, are completely hairless chest down, or a porn star (in no particular order) full shave just looks silly. Going with a close trim, and then shaving the scrotum, and the hair around the shaft will not only look cleaner, but will be more appealing for you and your partner. You’re a man. Men have hair. This however does not discount you from grooming yourself, and taking care of unruly hair. That includes, nose hair, ear hair, arm pit hair, and pubic hair, etc.
Who wants to guess what my mind replaced “razor” with?
I can speak first-hand to the “growing back stronger” theory. While it has been debunked as an urban myth, there is a half-truth that goes with this.
Our bodies are covered with millions of tiny hairs. there are areas of our body that look “hairless” still have hair follicles. sometimes it grows out and turns dark (i don’t know what causes this) and sometimes it stays “blonde” or faint in visual appearance.
however, when your girlfriend grabs your razor while in the shower and swipes in a strange region below your left pectoral, it shaves off the “baby” hair and when it grows back, the deeper roots grow out, and viola – it looks like you now have a patch of black hair there, which you now have to trim or try to remove regularly.
the hair isn’t more abundant or longer… its just darker, and more coarse and disgusting…..
i will show pics if you want. i am still grumpy about it, and we have been married for over 2 years.
I will say this, the first time you shave “it” your skin isn’t used to it and may freak out with extra chafing and razor burn. It will be better the next time, and the time after that. Get some NON-ALCOHOLIC aftershave balm and apply as liberally as necessary.
Bush is back and I don’t mean the President
Gold Bond powder – the menthol-scented stuff for your feet – is a big help on these occasions.
The reason the hair appears to be darker and thicker, is because instead of looking at the thin, tapered and lighter end of a full hair, you’re now seeing the darker, larger cross-section of the hair. This makes your hair situation appear fuller.
trim. Buy a nice set of clippers and trim down to a 2 or 3 all over. Much nicer.
The way I look at ‘hair down there’ is this: do you want to deal with a jungle when you go down on her? Probably not. Extend the same courtesy.
I believe, in his case, that would be “Little Johnny.”
To be fair, if a 10-year-old were on steroids, he’d probably be sprouting some body-hair.
For those interested: The #1 reason hair looks thicker after you shave it is because IT REALLY IS THICKER.
However, the reason isn’t that it grew thicker! Hair strands are made of many different layers (like an onion) as hair grows out slowly the tip has been exposed the longest and therefore has the most wear and tear leading to it being “thinner” than the lower parts of the strand. When you shave you cut off the worn down “thinner strand” and the new hair emerging from your skin is thick and course because it hasn’t had time to “wear down” and lose a few layers. Keep shaving and it will always feel thick. Let it grow out and wait and you will notice it to start thinning down again.
Combine this concept with the fact that hair growth slows down as the hair gets longer and you can see why people think that shaving leads to hair coming back “thicker” and “faster”. If you leave it alone (like you did before shaving) it will start to look like that again. Also hormones do play a role as Beth has said but in my opinion (science based and anecdotal) this is the main reason for the urban myth.
Good point, enjoy your girl’s armpit and leg hair…If you don’t like that, you’re as “wrong” as the rest of us…Like you say, adults shouldn’t be hairless.
While I am not personally a fan of the fully waxed look for either gender, I do take issue with your argument. There are plenty of features of the human body that denote different stages of aging. One of these, primarily (though not exclusively…) in males, is the beard. Some women love them. Some women can’t stand them. However, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a woman being accused of being depraved for liking clean-shaven men, the removal of a beard doesn’t stop a man from being a man. You can take away every follicle, and the body of an adult is still different from the body of a child. This is a matter of aesthetics, not perversion.
Shaving my face is enough.
dont think pubic hair does anything to protect against STDs…thats why they are STDs they need air tight environments to be transfered since the air kills them. If an STD touched your pubs it more than likely died in the fraction of a second that it traveled through the air.