Dressing well is a means to an end. Not the end.
Or is it?
For some, it’s the latter. They’re so into style that it’s one of the main focuses of their life. With that obsession comes the increased likelihood that they’ll burn out on standard, tried and true looks. They’re always looking for something new and different. Every outfit always has to have something that pops. Something that’ll help them stand out and grab some eyeballs as soon as they step in a room.
After awhile they end up looking awesome… only to those who are just as obsessed. And they won’t be taken seriously by the vast swath in the middle. They walk down the street and instead of wearing clothes that run but not walk, they’re a visual X-Games. Nothing but flying motorcycles and street luge. And it projects something about their priorities. Often unfairly.
The world is not made up of guys leaving 100 comments a day on style message boards while instagraming their daily outfit combinations.
There is power in mastering what many in the extreme ends of the male style community would see as boring or uncreative.
There is danger in allowing yourself to get bored with well fitting staples, only to become obsessed with standing out and/or being seen as stylistically different and cutting edge all the time.
“Been done. Need something fresh” … “Martinis have been done. You’d like an appletini perhaps?”
It’s an easy trap to fall into. We all get bored. And after all those stylish discoveries we make along the path from beginner to well-versed, it feels strange to take your foot off the gas and… well… stop discovering quite as much. Discovering is fun. It feels good to look a little bit better than you thought you could. But there reaches a point where you risk regression through hyper active pursuit. Like the guy who decides he wants to get healthy, starts hitting the gym, and a few years later he’s lifting weights 3 times a day and doing steroids.
The means to the end, has become the end.
Are you dressing a little better than you have to because you like the way it makes you feel as you walk out the door on the way to get something done? Or are you dressing a certain way in the hopes that someone takes notice and compliments you on your creativity and projection of individuality? Trying new things is good. Trying new things all the time because you don’t want to be seen as the guy who’s not trying new things all the time… is not.
Find your rhythm. If it works, it works. Repetition does not necessarily lead to failure. See the value in standing out quietly. Maintain perspective. Is it really boring? Or is it just boring in the eyes of a website or forum you might frequent?
(Top Photo: David Riggs)
“Something that pops” reminds me of multi-layered douchebag polo shirt collars. I really hope we find a new phrase soon.
Great reminder to do things in moderation
Joe – These thoughts are exactly why I consistently read your site more than any other men/style site. Thanks for keeping it real. (Another tired phrase, LolaB, but it fits!)
It’s always struck me as interesting (and a little amusing) how much this hinges on where you are geographically and to a lesser extent what crowd you run with.
Dressing well but nothing unusual by the standards of the readership here for example, would mean you’d look like a dandy to most of the adults, even the professionals, in say, the rural area where I grew up. Hell, wearing bog-standard business casual with a modern fit will get you looks and comments in a sufficiently unimaginative IT (or whatever) department.
I think you’re comment is a variant of the group of people that asks, “why are you so dressed up?” even when you’re not. The best evidence of this is when you wear exact same combination as everyone else in the office/event, but the stuff is better tailored/matched/contrasted, and you’re perceived as being dressed up.
Honestly I think it’s their problem, not (y)ours (but bearing in mind you can run into trouble if you’re perceived as gay or a dandy in some areas). Most of the advice on this blog is tame compared to GQ, etc. and usually a variant of “traditional with a twist.”
Great response to the “business mullet”
I can understand the “it’s their problem” argument, and I agree with you mostly…but unfortunately, we have to also keep in mind that their problem becomes (y)our problem, particularly if it is then transposed onto something like job performance (being picked on, for example, because of your style instead of being measured by your work/work ethic, etc.).
Sucks…but unfortunately true.
Standing ovation. (still in the Oscars mode)
I agree how it sucks, and it reminds me of this “Conformity” poster
True it’s not easy to balance your personal style and your environment, especially if standing out can impact your career (as much as it shouldn’t). My advice in those situations is to follow the crowd to the extent you have to, but make sure everything fits really well.
Well written and great advice. Style takes practice until it becomes effortless and there is no longer a need to stand out in order to feel stylish. Some boredom and repetition is a good thing in my opinion. This site is a great resource.
This is exactly how I feel. In some cities you can wear anything you want and fit in but in other cities you will be the only one around for miles wearing quality shoes and just having different colored socks will raise a few eyebrows. I think as you get older you just don’t care anymore about what other guys think because plenty of women will be giving you compliments.
Awesome, smart article. A smarticle, in fact.
Agreed. I feel like I can translate this stuff pretty well into “Middle American” standard though. I live in Idaho. When I wear a v-neck sweater, it turns heads. Subtlety, and always being function-forward is key.
The “why are you dressed up” comment is is what I run into. The question I always reply with is “how do you mean I’m dressed up?” I then like to point out I’m wearing shoes, pants, and a shirt. I just do a better job of picking them out then everyone else.
I have never affiliated any social media with my style profile. I often dress nice, but never talk about it outside of our clan. Others just wouldn’t understand
Probably the best post I have ever seen on Dappered (and there have been many excellent ones). I just took a little risk on a linen suit from Penguin with a pair of mustard-yellow sued wingtips. Part of the reason I bought it was because it was different from the norm…but man it looks sharp!
This article sums up fairly well the reason I visit your site and continue to read. You support the tried and true, give personal style some working room, and continue to keep the classics fresh when updating us on great finds.