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Classics: Sexy and cute are not one and the same

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Originally Published 7/18/12

Here’s a theory:  In the realm of men’s style, “cute” and “sexy” are rarely if ever pulled off in the same look.  Doesn’t matter who your target demo is.  You can be well dressed, she/he can like the way you’re dressed, and sometimes you look cute to them.  Yet at other times, you’re head-to-toe sex.  But being both at once just doesn’t happen.

The barrier that separates these two is whether you’re dressed in a way in which you should be taken seriously.

Not can… should.  Say you see a guy walking down the street in any of the following:

Would you immediately think that guy is a serious person who can handle himself?  Sure, a legion of women (and men) might think a man wearing any of those items would look cute, but there’s nothing really dangerous about a guy in a purple suit.  He’s not projecting an image that makes you want to take him seriously.

Nothing wrong with having some fun with unusual colors, patterns, and that kind of thing.  Put it all together right and you’ll look damn cute.  Cute’s good.   Plenty of shes and hes like cute.  But there is little intrigue or mystery in cute.  When in doubt, aim for sexy.

Thoughts?  Remember, looking like you should be taken seriously doesn’t mean you can’t be nice, polite, etc…

Comments

  1. I agree completely…for shame…Please step your game up. Cute does not equal power or success. Confidence always wins.

  2. This is a fabulous post. Some personal thoughts on what makes a look sexy:

    1. Well cut clothes. Well duh. Slim > chunky.
    2. Classic pairings. Sure, you can look sexy in less traditional pairings, but its hard to beat a beautiful navy blazer and crisp white semi-spread. If I’m wearing a suit or blazer out at night the shirt is almost always plain white.
    3. Slim peacoats. Navy for more of a dark, clean cut look. Grey for the more rugged look (at least for me).
    4. Black sweaters with just a noshow undershirt. I love black quarter sips as well.
    5. Simple, beautifully patterned semi spreads with dark denim, and sometimes a knit tie. Check out ratio clothings website. The guy on the frontpage has the right idea. Ginghams, subtle checks, tattersall, you get the idea. Only rule: the only ‘ bright’ color you can wear is royal blue, everything else should be light or dark shades.
    6. Ties which are at least 80% solid. I own about twelve Hermes ties, yet if ii going out ill almost always pick a cheap solid or thinnly striped tie. Why? Because as gorgeous and well crafted as my dragons or foxxes are, theyre just too whimsical. And whimsical isn’t a word that says sexy.
    7. Solid white, grey, or black v neck tees or henleys. But only black on the rarest of occasions. White is amazing for everyday.
    8. If you can pull it off, a leather jacket or military coat.
    9. A clean dress watch.

  4. Not really something that should be a blanket suggestion. I’d rather people’s first impression of me be that I can poke fun at myself and be friendly. I don’t feel the need to project some serious (and especially not a “powerful”) look.

    Course, I don’t have any of the items listed, but I do love colour.

  5. Well about the Fake glasses, assuming that we’re talking about a stranger walking down the street, how the heck are we supposed to know whether it’s fake or real glasses? Even the one Lebron is wearing in that link, if I didn’t know Lebron usually doesn’t wear glasses, I wouldn’t have known that it’s a fake. It (the glasses) looks pretty real to me. There is no way to know whether the glasses is fake or not unless the dude is wearing an an obvious cheap plastic toy glasses with one of those 2012 shape thingy; without knowing that person, it’s sort of next impossible to spot fake glasses these days.

    …but the point is well taken. This pretentious act is usually committed by celebrities and it’s easy spot them as we know they don’t need to wear glasses other than as a fashion statement.

  8. To be fair, not all dudes can pull off sexy so they have to work with what they’ve got and sometimes they have to settle for cute.

  9. I believe the joker would beg to differ on the matter of looking dangerous in a purple suit…

  10. Cute vs. Sexy? Sounds like it’s trendy vs. classic. Classic is always sexy, while trendy is rarely. You’ll never hear a typical woman say a man in bright yellow pants (or a plaid bow tie) is sexy.
    Madras Blazer – this one is questionable, but more often than not – not sexy.
    Plaid Bow Tie – never sexy. The only way to wear a bow tie is if it’s black and on a tux that makes you look like James Bond. That’s it.
    Bright Yellow Pants – Man I hate that look….
    Fake Glasses – Not a fan – it’s too trendy.

  11. When I want to exude pure sex I pull out my best pair of embroidered lederhosen and suspenders and let the ladies flock to me. Cute AND sexy. Done.

  13. have to comment on this because confidence is neither superficial nor skin deep. I can wear my nantucket red chinos and crested tie with penny loafers and have perhaps a more “whimsical” or “cute” look, but that says nothing about my confidence as a business professional. I will still walk into a meeting in 5 minutes and own it – just because I don’t look “sexy” doesn’t mean I cant kick some professional ass. I understand most of what has been posted, and definitely agree with Joe’s concept here – but what you wear has nothing to do with power or success. Have you ever seen the sloppiness of Mark Zuckerberg? It takes just as much (or maybe even more) confidence to wear something that isn’t cookie-cutter business attire.

  14. I feel like this may apply in Yankee country. But down here, you may look a little out of place without a bow tie and a full range of pastel coloured pants. (given you are at a more informal setting such as tailgates, informal dinners, etc.)

  15. I feel like the cute/sexy paradigm could also be expressed as dandy/classic (or if we want to get all gender politicky, effeminate/butch).

    When you dress a certain way – “cute” or like a dandy, with lots of extra accessories, pops of color, a “sprezzatura” touch – it gives off the impression that you put an excessive amount of your energy into the way you look.

    A “sexy” or classic look (dark slim suit, conservative tie, fitted shirt, elegant shoes… or even, dark jeans, henley, moto jacket, boots) makes you look good without seeming like you spent an hour in the mirror trying to pick your shirt and tie combo.

    Perhaps another way of expressing the difference: You are the canvas for a cute, dandy outfit. Your outfit is YOUR canvas when you dress in a classic style.

    Not saying that one is inherently better than the other – both styles have their place, and all Dappereds know pulling off a good classic look can require just as much effort as looking like a dandy. But those seem to be the general impressions that the two different styles give off.

    I would say that either style, without some occasional input from the other, is pretty dull. Dress like a dandy all the time and you become a cartoon character. Dress in a classic, macho style all the time and you look like a total stiff. Nothing wrong with picking and choosing elements from both.

  17. A man in a purple suit is not seen as dangerous unless scar marks along his cheeks, extending outward from his lips, give him a permanent smile. A man in a purple suit is not seen as dangerous unless he’s in that purple suit driving down a promenade in a semi with a machine gun laughing hysterically.

  22. Isn’t approachability a factor, however? A guy in pure sex predator mode, especially if he’s outdressed his venue, could seem overbearing and unapproachable. The guy having fun, who displays confidence along with a charming quirkiness, is the guy people gravitate to.

    (Or maybe it’s an Alpha/Beta thing.)

  26. I think he meant glasses that are obviously fake in the sense that they are a pair of frames sans lens. However, I agree, if you see someone on the street with glasses that actually have lenses, there’s no way to tell if the glasses are prescription i.e. that they serve a purpose other than being a fashion statement.

  28. Ah – is that the case? I feel like sexy = clothing and attitude, but that’s a Boolean ‘and’ right there – you need to have both. Money and dappered solve the clothing problem, and the attitude can be changed too, its just a different sort of thing

  30. I disagree on the plaid bow tie. It depends on how “strong” the plaid is and if the wearer can pull it off with other garments that compliment his face and of course these garments compliment each other too. I’ve seen some awesome street/urban fashion – in real life, walking in the streets, in social hangout spots – and it looks just as cool in GQ.

  31. My fraternity’s headquarters is in Georgia and bow ties, seersuckers and bright (like really effin’ bright) pants are sometimes worn during the yearly convention. As a Northerner I think it’s cool. Chapters in Tennessee and Florida also carry this fashion.

  32. Agreed. It’s kind of like Joe’s distinction between style and fashion (I couldn’t find the original post because it’s become the tag line on every Dappered page).

    I also wanted to point out that once someone tries too hard, “sprezzatura” no longer applies. It all comes back to attitude and consequently, one motto I’ve adopted is to “Stand out quietly.”

    As Anthony Blunt (British art historian and Soviet spy) put it, “It will vanish if a man takes too much pains to attain it, or if he shows any effort to attain it. Nothing but complete ease can produce it. The only effort which should be expended in attaining it is an effort to conceal the skill on which it is based; and it is from sprezzatura, or recklessness, that grace springs.”

  34. Easy, just put on some Sex Panther, and you’re good to go. 60 percent of the time, it works everytime.

  36. Want to know what constitutes sexy? Ask a woman. And good luck finding one who will say with a straight face that you look sexy in a bowtie.

  37. On an entirely different note: I really appreciate the inclusive language in this post, Joe. Means a lot.

  38. I often forget and default to my own orientation. Discrimination is never implied if I do that in the future, but I will do my best to keep it inclusive.

  41. All good. Just remember that there are whole boatload of gals (and guys) who think Ed Hardy + barbed-wire arm-band tattoo(s) + faux-hawk = puresexy. In a world full of those types, I’m aiming for “cute.” :)

  45. If you want to see how to dress sexy, look at Ryan Gosling, especially in Crazy Stupid Love

  47. Your advice is good… for those of us with black hair and fair skin. Others should not be wearing the high contrast colors you specify: the colors will overpower their face.

  48. I live in Vancouver Canada.. the city (downtown core) is full of young Asians (Chinese mostly) that wear frames with no lenses at all.. it’s a trend that’s been around a few years now and is common with the boys and the girls..