Ask A Woman: Clothes and making a good impression with her family
Ask A Woman: Clothes and making a good impression with her familyIf you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. And don’t worry, your identity will be protected too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com
.
Hi Beth,
I’ve been dating a great girl for about a year now. She is originally from out of state and goes home to see her family just two or three times a year since it can be a lengthy drive. I have met her mom once and sister a couple times when they’ve been up to visit but there are still other family members, most importantly her father, who I have yet to meet. She has just asked if I’d like to go with her to visit her family and stay for the weekend. It is important to me that I make a great impression on her family so I would love some advice on my look.
I work in a business casual environment so my wardrobe consists mainly of chinos/khakis, shirts/polos, and drivers/loafers/boat shoes. My out of work wardrobe is very similar to it except I tend to wear more shorts. Again, I would love to make a great first impression but don’t want to overdo it either. Any tips on sharpening my look before going to visit?
– Rod
Hi Rod,
First, congrats on your relationship and its positive progress forward–so many of the emails I get are about broken hearts and fickle women, so it’s nice to hear things are going well for at least one of my readers.
Before you leave, quiz your girlfriend. What activities are you likely to take part in this weekend? Is her family content to lounge around the house, hanging out, eating good food, playing board games? Or are they more active? In which case, what kind of active? Fishing on the boat, playing football in the yard? Dining out, seeing a movie, attending church, going to the farmer’s market on Saturday morning? Not surprisingly, what you wear should be appropriate to the occasion.
The trick here is to find a balance between staying true to yourself, and blending comfortably into her family.
Keep it a little reeled in. Maybe not this much.
.
From Left: Sure (J. Crew). Maybe, depends on what you’re doing (Levis). Not this time Captain Fashion (Bonobos).
I think your wardrobe sounds great–chinos can be worn day or night, polos are casual but polished, and boat shoes look great with almost anything. But I have no information about your girlfriend’s family, and that is really key to deciding what you’ll pack. If a fun family activity is chopping wood then you need to bring more casual attire like jeans and sneakers or boots. If a fun family activity is attending the opera then you need to bring more formal attire like dress shoes, a suit or a blazer. Get as much information from your lady as possible, and then don’t worry about it. Good luck!
-Beth
Got a question for Beth? Send them to: askawoman@dappered.com
Ha! There is nothing “casual” about chopping wood, trust me. If her family is the do/fix things around the house, make sure you offer to help. They will respect you if you take an active interest in their activities and interests. Sneakers or boots for chopping wood (or outdoor work-related activities)? Noooooooo. Stick to steel toe boots if you have them. Being actively engaged with them will leave a much better impression and long-lasting impression than your attire. Best of luck and have a good time.
Et tu, Beth? *points to B.A. in Philosophy hanging on wall*
*Points to a roll of toilet paper* Exactly!
The first time I met my wife’s family, I pretty much met the WHOLE family all at once at one of their gatherings. At first I was terrified, but then realized it was perfect because there were so many people having so many conversations, that I could pop in and out of them at my leisure. About half-way through the day, her Mom came up to me how well I was doing with the family, so I was pumped.
Beth is right though. Talk to your girlfriend to get a sense of what the weekend will be like. Chances are that if you’re a Dappered reader, you’re a snappy dresser already. It’s been said here many times before, but dressing well will give you confidence (which is a good thing to have when meeting the parents).
Steel toe is unnecessary if you can keep the axe out of your foot. And if you can’t keep the axe from getting close to your foot, you’re going to look like a dope in front of the girlfriend and her parents. Better to be honest and straight up ASK for a quick lesson (it’s not hard, but it’s good to be shown the ropes) on chopping than just launch into it and start wrecking the handle. If he’s headed to his girlfriend’s parent’s place work his tail off a la frontier house, then yes, dress appropriately. But if there will be some chopping of wood for a night time fire, then I think it’s just fine to not overthink it.
This coming from a guy who’s chopped wood in sneakers before. (Although I would have liked some more stable footing in boots.)
Gotta agree… if you need steel-toed boots just to chop wood, you’re doing it wrong.
Yes, get info from the lady. But no shorts unless it’s 110 degrees in the desert. Business casual sounds like it can’t miss.
I think the whole “meeting parents” thing is overrated.
Yes, they are your Girlfriend’s parents. But more importantly… they are people. Dress for the occasion, not the people. Unless your attire is on either end of the spectrum, her parents couldn’t care less about your clothes.
You shouldn’t be worried about making any sort of impression.The idea is to be yourself. Dressing like you normally would should eliminate one more needless thing to worry about. Be yourself… its more than good enough already.
The occasion here is Rod meeting his potential future father-in-law, so I think it’s commendable that he’s paying attention to this sort of detail. His girlfriend obviously thinks things are going well enough to introduce him to the family, so that means he probably wants to do his best to make a good impression. It shows the parents (and his girlfriend) that he cares enough about the occasion to make some extra effort. I don’t think it’s a bad idea any way you slice it.
And Rod…I wish you luck on this trip and hope it goes well!
It’s not a bad idea… It’s just mostly unnecessary.
Only time will tell in any individual case. You only get the chance to make a first impression on your future in-laws once, so it seems odd to walk into that situation purposely not taking stock in how you present yourself. Why not take the tiniest bit of initiative to make yourself look presentable? The choices you make about how you dress yourself sends signals to people (fairly or not). If Rod cares enough about the situation to write in and ask for Beth’s advice, it’s clear that he’s not going to wear cargo shorts, flip flops, and a t-shirt. It sounds like he’s trying to find the right balance, and any thoughtful guy would try to do the same thing.
Are you implying something is inherently wrong with cargo shorts and flip flops? If someone thinks less of you for wearing that, seems to me the issue isn’t with the wearer of said flip flops… One can be presentable without even giving it a second thought. His work clothes seemed fine to me.
If this works out and ends up being long term… What role will his clothes play in the eventual acceptance/denial of her parents towards him?
Certain occasions call for attire that is accordingly respectful. It could be that Rod’s (perhaps) future parents-in-law won’t care about what he was wearing…Rod has no way of knowing this. The point I’m trying to make is that there are occasions where a thoughtful gentleman will try to put more effort into his appearance.
The way I see it, you’re advocating the ‘take me as I am, screw you’ approach, and I’m saying ‘this is important, so I’m dressing accordingly’ approach.
If your future is with a woman who is actually important to you, why wouldn’t you go above and beyond to present yourself in the best light possible to your future parents-in-law?
Perfect clip, Beth.
Yes, other than teaching you how to think critically, write clearly, read more effectively, evaluate and dissect arguments, having the highest average score on the GRE and 4th best scores on the MCAT, giving you enough background to conversationally dabble in history, literature, math and science, and exposing you to some of the most interesting ideas of the last two and half millenia, a philosophy degree is pretty worthless.
Need? No. Take proper safety precautions in case something goes wrong possibly through no fault of your own? (Unpredictable wood grain in some trees, internal branches, a badly seated axe or wood splitting maul head.) I wear steel toed work boots when splitting wood.
A good pair of boots like Justin Boots wk955 are stylish, comfortable and give you enough protection for those unexpected accidents. Of course it is important to not over think it or even just jump in if you’ve never handled an axe…and yes, ask first for a demo if you want to try. But even some chopping for a night time fire should take precaution. Not saying to go Grizzly Adams, but take a good pair of boots if the occasion calls for it. I’ve chopped wood for years, and I still wear goggles, gloves and steel toe boots. Safety first if you’d rather be safe than sorry. And Joe, chopping wood in sneakers? Are you trying to be nicknamed Stumpy?
Agree.
And having a job too!
Just kidding.