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Attractive women and their weird-style boyfriends. Why?

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Ask A Woman:  Why are some women attracted to guys with really odd style?

If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it.  Beth is our source for the answers.  From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday.  And don’t worry, your identity will be protected too.  Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com

 

Beth,

Why are some women attracted to the “scene kid” look?  The guys that wear their beanie regardless of exterior temperature, skinny pants, loose thermals, long hair.  Countless times I have seen very attractive women with excellent, tasteful style dating these man-children dressed like one of these scene kids.  What is the allure?

– Ravn

 

Hi David

You mean with a name like Ravn, you’re not a scene kid?  What?  Before we get into this, let’s define “scene kid.”  What you describe as scene kid and what I think of as scene kid is a bit different.  I agree about the skinny pants, but I usually think of short/dyed/spiked/styled hair (or any combination thereof).  Heavy eye makeup (yes, even on guys); vintage band t-shirts; sneakers like vans or Chuck Taylors; assorted jewelry, and so on.  Goth gone glam, perhaps.  But regardless of how you label this specific look, your question is still valid–why are women attracted to guys that stand out and make, in your opinion, regretful style choices?

You are asking a timeless question, my friend.  You can really apply this to any era, and to a number of different looks.  Young men with crew cuts were asking this about preppy girls and their hippie boyfriends in the 70s; straight-laced guys were asking this about poodle-skirt wearing gals and their motorcycle-riding boyfriends in the 50s; jocks were asking this about cheerleaders and their punk rock boyfriends in the 80s, and so on and so on for time immemorial.  The allure is that these men are different.  Different in their time, at least.  They don’t follow the rules.  They get kicked out of school for not cutting their hair, or for wearing it in a mohawk.  They are too concerned with the dark night of the soul to bathe on a regular basis.  It’s the principle of the exotic being erotic–we are drawn to people who are unique.
.

.
Danny Zuko.  Original Scene Kid.
.
Now, you may say, but Beth, these guys are a dime a dozen, how is that unique?  Well they started out different.  Remember the first time you saw Lady Gaga?  Holy Hannah.  Now we’ve got Nicki Minaj and Katy Perry walking around with their blue hair and yo-yo-smuggling catsuits, so the bloom is off that rose, but they still stand out because they aren’t like the majority of performers out there.  You put a scene kid in a subway car with a couple unremarkable 20-something gals, a couple unremarkable 20-something guys, and guess who everyone is going to be eyeing up?  That kid with the skinny pants and glitter eye makeup!

There may be other reasons women are attracted to unusually-attired men.  Perhaps guys who aren’t afraid to wear eyeliner and girl jeans are likely to possess other characteristics, such as having a pluralistic viewpoint–they accept many different kinds of ideas, beliefs, and people…since they themselves are a different kind of people.  I suspect it is also possible that there really aren’t that many women with classic sartorial sensibilities palling around town with scene kids, it’s just that when you do see it, it really sticks out and makes an impression, and then it seems like these pairs are all over the place.

Let’s let Paula have the last word on this, mmm?

.
-Beth

Got a question for Beth? Send them to: askawoman@dappered.com

Comments

  1. There’s someone for everyone. My boyfriend is young, incredibly handsome, and could have anyone he wants. I’m a bald dude with a few extra pounds. Opposites do attract. Thank God for that.

  5. By the time a girl turns 24 she should no longer be into scenester clones. If she still is, then either she has issues or the dude happens to be super cool.

  6. Simple answer–“Girls Just Want To Have Fun”.  Guys who dress like trouble and they don’t give a f$#k just might be….trouble and don’t give a f$#k. And that’s exciting. Same with guys–when I was in my 20s, I know I wasn’t attracted to the quiet, conservative girls.  I liked girls with a air of rebellion and craziness to them, and you’re always going to judge that based on onwards appearance.  Now that I’m in my 30s and have had my share of crazy, I can appreciate more conservative women, though I have to admit that I’m still always intrigued by indie/gothy/punky girls.

    It’s an important thing to keep in mind on this site that most women are going to think of the average “Dappered” gentleman (especially if he’s under 40 and not in a major metropolis), at least on first glance, as a bit conservative, restrained and possibly even nerdy.  They’re the type of guys that they might want to marry someday, but certainly aren’t outwardly intriguing enough to pursue as a one-night stand or short-term fling when you’re in your 20s or early 30s.

    I don’t say this as a criticism (I say this as a regular reader of this site who is right now wearing a Banana Republic cashmere crewneck over a button-down, so it would be a pretty self-effacing criticism), but it’s something to be aware of.  Sure, you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover, but we all do.  There’s a reason why “buttoned-down” can be a pejorative term…

  7. Wouldn’t this new menswear aesthetic look weird to the everyday normal, Northface-wearing guys?  

    “I mean, what the hell!?  That dude’s wearing a bowtie!  Weird.”

  9. I assume they do it so they can share each other’s eyeliner and skinny jeans. We call them “hipsters” here in the West. Although, hipsters here don’t wear make-up, they also don’t exude any sense of masculinity either.

  10. I wonder this all the time as I walk through campus seeing girls with guys in the typical college attire: baggy sweatpants and gym sneakers. *shiver*

  11. Hipsters and scene kids are totally different. The whole “scene” scene is pretty much dead. it came on strong a few years ago when i was in high school. The skinny jeans, slip on vans, straightened hair across the face kind of scene kids. It had a lot to do with the type of music that was popular at that time with the younger crowds. you know, metalcore/screamo type stuff. Hipsters have more to do with the indy scene that is taking over right now. it’s almost like the grown up version of the scene kid. Only hipsters care about more than just the music. It’s sort of a way of life as opposed to just an obnoxious fad. well, at least to the true hipster. It’s not a regional difference either, i live in Ca. 

  12. Same reason I smile every time I hear The Offspring’s “I Want You Bad” and think of my quiet, conservative wife… 

    It’s always hard to be the guy (or gal) standing out, and you can’t help but admire people that have the guts to do it and can confidently express themselves.  Most people would rather simply blend in with the herd.  You have to think that if they’ve got the confidence to be that obviously different, they’re likely to have some other positive qualities as well.

  13. Something else to think about: If a person was not free to make style/relationship/personal expression choices until s/he is in the mid-20s, then s/he may be drawn towards the perceived freedom offered by those who stand out or otherwise represent whatever s/he couldn’t have as a youth. In other words, the experimenting that most people do in their teens, some people have to wait until later in life to experience.

  14. “It’s the principle of the exotic being erotic–we are drawn to people who are unique.”
    The problem with many young and gullible women is that they are easily manipulated and deceived by men who go out of their way to appear “unique” so they can pick up women.

    Like that creepy “pick-up artist” Mystery, who paints his fingernails black, wears a fur stovepipe hat and other weird accessories. He calls it “peacocking” I believe. 

    Being different isn’t always a sign of rebelliousness. It could just be a weak man who is desperate to stand out and get attention. I would think most women in their 30s would have enough life experience by that point to see through all that.

    My $.02.

  15. “It’s the principle of the exotic being erotic–we are drawn to people who are unique.”
    The problem with many young and gullible women is that they are easily manipulated and deceived by men who go out of their way to appear “unique” so they can pick up women.

    Like that creepy “pick-up artist” Mystery, who paints his fingernails black, wears a fur stovepipe hat and other weird accessories. He calls it “peacocking” I believe. 

    Being different isn’t always a sign of rebelliousness. It could just be a weak man who is desperate to stand out and get attention. I would think most women in their 30s would have enough life experience by that point to see through all that.

    My $.02.

  19. My pet peeve is the very well put together model looking girl who has the pant sagging air force ones wearing straight billed hat with stickers still on it and bling !? Where does that display any type of self respect?

  21. The “scene kids” you are describing just sound like emo kids to me.

    But I agree, I don’t think the LW is necessarily describing hipsters – which have a very, very vivid place in my mind, having lived among them for a year in the Twin Cities.

  22. Joe Jackson’s song “Is She Really Going Out With Him?”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SPogGqCgeM
    “Tonight’s the night when I go to all the parties down my street

    I wash my hair and I kid myself I look really smooth

    Look over there

    (Where?)

    There!

    Here comes Jeannie with her new boyfriend

    They say that looks don’t count for much and so there goes your proof”

  24. Good lord, these “Ask A Woman” emails are really bumming me out; How Not to Be a Stalker, My Apartment Smells, Why Do Girls Like Hipsters? C’mon guys! 

    The very premise of the email is absurd. You’re assuming because the girl is pretty and has good style that she’s a “catch”. For all you know she’s super annoying, racist, cokehead who drowns kittens and voted for Bush. Maybe this hipster guy treats her terrific, is a successful software developer, and does charity work. You could sit in the food court of a mall for hours people watching and play the “why is that person with that other person?” game. But like Blaine said initially, there’s someone for everyone.

  25. I imagine right now on Dishevelled.com or IntheScene.com there are
    conversations taking place about this
    “tucked-in-tailored-tweed-sportcoat-wearing” fad that is gaining
    popularity.  They’re probably discussing how those people have no
    originality & are backward fools since they often look to the past
    for fashion inspiration. 

    I can see it now:

    “Those smug sonovabishes even use the term sartorial! *snicker*  Then
    their neverending discussions of sales at the Gap & Banana
    Republic… *collective shutter*  And they have the audacity to worship a
    fictional womanizer played by that geezer Sean Connery as their
    ultimate deification of masculinity! *insolence* ”

    Please realize that none of us are above being judged.

  30. It’s ok, Joe.. I’m a 19 year old college student, and I didn’t know what a “scene kid” was either.

  31. I’m not sure the possibility has been adequately been explored that human females can simply be sexually attracted to men who display traits other than an exaggerated distaste for legible t-shirts and an obsession with promo codes at Lands End. However, I have referred this post to the anthropology department at my local community college, and I can now assure you all that the subject is being studied by top men.

  32. There is a rather depressing undercurrent of “why aren’t my mass-produced old man clothes getting me laid?” in the Ask A Woman posts, isn’t there? One wonders whether a sizeable minority of Dappered’s readers aren’t hitting the site each day half-hoping to find a PIN code for 30% off on a girlfriend. Or a shag.

    Me, I’m just here for the world travel and the water skiing…

  37. A little “cameltoe” haiku:

    Yo-yo in your pants?
    Or just happy to see me?
    Pickup line needs work…

  38. And you sound like every other foolish man-child who continues to propagate a culture of indecency, disrespect and hate. 

    Thank you for standing out, like the scene kid, but in a different way, so the rest of us know why we choose to “fit-in” in this sense. 

    Cheers,
    Jared

  39. I have to throw in my lot with Blaine and Jeremy.  I would probably be described as a hipster by most readers here, although I frequent dappered along with a few friends here in Bucktown.  My personal style is certainly informed by some of the timeless choices often represented here, but I vastly prefer bear-hugs to handshakes when it comes to people AND pants (Levi’s 513, if you’re wondering).  I bathe 3 times weekly, after exercise, and wear chunky glasses and quite a bit of (ok, too much) plaid.  Sorry to bore you with the description but I can’t help but think that Ravn’s perceived injustice could have taken place after seeing me on the street with my very attractive and stylish lady (who also happens to be the nicest person I’ve ever met).  Maybe it’s ok for us all to get together and poke fun at sweats and north face, but Ravn’s comments give me the kind of second-hand embarrassment you get when you hear someone trying to be snobby about something they don’t understand well, in his case, an evolving urban culture that could remain influential for quite some time.

  41. The important thing isn’t what they’re wearing, it’s the confidence/attitude they have when they wear it.

  43. Well, that’s laying it on a bit thick. And “culture” is arguably rather a grand word to describe what is, when all is said and done, a glorified (or pilloried) advertising demographic–a large number of young-ish urban dwellers whose sole unifying feature is a penchant for employing cultural early adoption as a form of genteel conspicuous consumption.

    Still, it is indisputably the case that one slanders a hipster by calling hime a “scene kid.” The latter are younger, often suburban, and much farther back on the trend-adoption curve.