Ask A Woman: Dressing down when you’re up above 40.
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Hi Beth,
I’m wondering if I am too old for my casual dress attire. I’m 41 but tend to look much younger as I keep in shape and have a full head of hair without going grey yet (just my beard, but I’m clean shaven). I enjoy my youthful appearance, but don’t what to look out of place if I dress too young .
I typically like to wear jeans with a trim un-tucked button down shirt (7 diamonds, Calibrate or Boss) and keep a fairly conservative style (nothing fancy). I’m in reasonable shape at 5’11” 170lbs, but wondering if I’m just too old to be dressing this way. I think my shirts look stupid tucked into jeans, and don’t know if I need to chuck the jeans all together and go business casual on the weekends too?
My friends my age are all getting heavier, going bald or graying and tuck cheap off the rack shirts into jeans and I feel like I look out of place sometimes. Any thoughts?
David
Hi David,
Oooh, 41, eh? ‘Bout to kick the bucket? Wondering when you’re gonna croak? Well you’ve lived a good life, my friend, take comfort in that at least. (Is the sarcasm getting through, David?) I think you should go on dressing the way you’ve been dressing, but before we get to that point, let’s talk about why your friends might be dressing differently than you.
Your friends may be tucking their shirts into jeans because they are, as you mentioned, getting heavier, and they don’t want their beer belly swaying in the wind underneath the shirt. But this would be the case whether they were 31 or 41–it’s a matter of weight gain, not age (although the two, unfortunately, do go hand in hand). As for their choice in clothing–“cheap off the rack shirts”–this may also be because they’ve gained weight. Taking care in your appearance is a sign of self-respect and confidence, and often (though not always) with weight gain, those two things diminish a bit. Their motivation to seek out high quality clothing may not be there.
It may not be an issue of weight gain at all, but simply a lack of interest. They just don’t care that much about clothing anymore. They’ve seen enough fads; they’ve been in enough fitting rooms. Maybe it seems vapid and unimportant next to their careers and families and hobbies; maybe they simply have no time to worry about whether their outfit is on-trend. Whether it’s weight gain or lack of interest, my point is that none of your friends are saying to themselves when they get dressed in the morning, “Man, I’d rather wear a pair of tailored wool trousers and a fine merino sweater and a pair of wingtips, but since I’m halfway to 80 you know what that means–stonewashed jeans and that booster club t-shirt from my son’s school.” They aren’t wearing what they’re wearing simply because they’re getting older; they’re wearing what they’re wearing because their bodies have changed or they don’t value style anymore, both of which can be attributed to aging, but are not the same thing as age. You follow me?
How different a casual 40 can look: Daniel Craig and Richard Karn.
You’re not in the same boat as your friends. You still want to look sharp. I say bravo! You’re not too old to wear jeans
(but not these
As far as feeling out of place…this issue seems no different than the readers who have chimed in over the past year and a half about being called out by friends and coworkers for being “so dressed up.” If you put a lot of care into your appearance, you will inevitably feel out of place at times because–to make a generalization, but one that I feel is true–most people don’t give a damn what they put on their bodies. Next time you’re at the grocery store, look around. You’ve got the teenager in her pajama pants and slippers over near the deli; you’ve got the 30-year-old dude in a t-shirt with holes at the armpits; you’ve got the 45-year-old woman wearing no bra and a sweatshirt that goes down to her knees. Next to this crowd, anyone with access to a mirror would be out of place. Accept that you like what you like, and wear it well.
Finally, if all this doesn’t convince you–my grandma is 92. She wears jeans. Yes, she has them laundered at the dry cleaners and they are pressed right down the middle of the leg, but she’s got ’em. If Granny can, you can.
-Beth
Got a question for Beth? Send them to: askawoman@dappered.com
Daniel Craig Photo Credit: wonderferret
Awesome article. David should take solace in the fact that even though they wouldn’t admit it, his friends are definitely jealous of his style, physical shape, and lack of a comb over. Most guys that age give up because it’s just become too much work to keep their looks in check along with their families and jobs. They’re probably a little jealous that you can.
“I am a handsome, successful man with a great body and unique style. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???”
Where did you get that out of his question? No where does David state his friends opinions of his dress. He only describes their appearance. If anything David lacks self confidence. (“don’t want to look out of place” “wondering if I’m too old to be dressing this way”)
And as for tucking in your shirt it’s simple. If it’s a dress shirt or too long, yes, whether you’re wearing jeans or not or 21 or 41.
C’mon guys – stop picking on David. It’s a legitimate question. As one ages, (I know because I’m 42) there comes a point where you can no longer dress like a teenager without looking like you’re trying too hard too keep up with guys 20 years younger. He’s just asking where the line is between casual age appropriate and too trendy by half for his age. I think the advice given is good – especially on the jeans. Classic straight fit (not-too-skinny or too baggy) is best as you age – and no crazy graphics.
Do Daniel Craig and George Clooney still wear it? If yes, then it’s age appropriate. You will never see either in skinny jeans, but you can probably find photos of both in jeans and an untucked woven shirt.
Love the use of the word “vapid” in here….brilliant!
I would think weight gain would be a good reason to go untucked. You tuck in and you give a nice definition to the bulge.
I will add that a well fitting shirt can look really good tucked into jeans – the key is you want it slim fitting enough that there’s not a lot of excess billowing at the waist. How else are people going to see that really cool casual belt you’re sporting? Shirt length is also important – if it’s too long it doesn’t look good untucked.
Tuck the slim, button-down oxford into dark jeans. I’m not really a fan of wearing a nice button down shirt with faded jeans whether it’s tucked in or not.
For my personal style, I am of the mindset that any shirt with buttons should almost always be tucked. Exception while being at the beach or in a tropical climate. Although unfortunately I did not decide this earlier because I definitely went untucked through my 20s.
Never been a fan of untucked at any age. If middle age is sneaking up on you, you’d look best wearing a sport coat, which would obviously be worn with a tucked in shirt. I realize this might not be a viable solution in Florida in mid-August but the reality is, everyone really does look better with a jacket on.
Just sayin’
I’m with Mark. I work in an engineering firm (90+% male) where the standard dress is gym shoes, dad jeans (or pleated khakis) and a polo shirt. I feel like I’m standing out quietly when I show up in wingtips, dark jeans, a dress shirt and a sweater or sweater vest. Any more than that, and I just feel like I’m standing out and can’t wear it comfortably (which probably makes it look like I’m trying too hard).
David, I’m 29, and I want to be you in 12 years!
40-something and untucked 7 Diamonds shirts? Sounds like The Tyranny of the Untucked Sport Shirt to me.
I guess it depends on your specific build and amount of weight gain, but in my experience, a untucked shirt draping off your gut looks a lot worse than something that sticks to your contours. Loose clothing doesn’t do us heavier folks any favors.
(I’m 5’7, 180-ish, but have been as high as 210)
Hey, the 40 on the left is my biggest clothing influence (well, on-screen. he does some wacky stuff with outfits off-screen). Good example!
Just offering some solidarity with David. I’m 41 and have spent the last year trying to redefine my personal style. The styleblogger “rules” have influenced me to adopt a much more traditional look than I ever thought I’d wear, but now I’m working on swinging back to something a little more casual and “me”. If, like me, you’re lucky enough to wear whatever you want to work, you should just keep an eye out for other well dressed men in their 40’s (e.g. Daniel Craig) and wear whatever fits well and strikes your fancy. Good luck!
When? Perhaps when you’re too old to wear a pistol regularly, as many do.
I agree that business-appropriate shirts look better tucked in. A more casual shirt (flannel, chambray, madras) looks OK untucked, IMO. And I always tuck my shirts if I’m wearing anything other than jeans.
Good news David, now you can wear hats!
suggestions on places for an older man to shop? (my dad)
“Next to this crowd, anyone with access to a mirror would be out of place.”
Hahaha quote of the week! And damn if it isn’t so true…everywhere I go in my town…
Tuck it in unless it’s a sweater and/or the bottom is banded.
So at age 55 I’ve decided to “upgrade” my look. The area where I live is very casual so I’ve kept it simple. Very slim fitting, I’m 6’4″ with a 44 chest & a 34 waist, Ratio or Propercloth shirt and any pants with a fit similar to a 501 Levis cut or Levis themselves. On the ground I start with the best shoes I can afford. Women especially notice the shoes, so I’ve been haunting shoe sales. A great belt with every color tone of shoe I own. One and only one piece of jewelry, a Black face SS dive watch w/ SS bracelet.
Oh yea. Always, always tucked. I work damn hard at having a 34 waist. I’m going to show it off!