Tis the season… to get down on one knee and ask her to marry you. The holidays offer plenty of opportunities to propose, and often buying the ring is more stressful than the actual act of asking her to marry you. Buying jewelery for a woman is a minefield as it stands. Buying a piece of jewelery that she’ll wear for the rest of her life? That’ll drive a man to drink. Pour yourself one (just one) and let’s walk through how to do this:
Know her style: Modern Minimalist, Traditional, or Vintage
Think of the kind of jewelery she already wears. Women have jewelery personalities like guys have car personalities. Some dudes are truck guys, some guys are sports-car guys. Some women like shiny, clean, and simple looking jewelery. Others like intricate pieces that look like something a young heiress would have worn in the 1920s.
- Modern Minimalist – Her jewelery collection is modern and simple. You’re probably looking for a diamond solitaire. Tiffany made these famous and it’s what most people think of when they think of an engagement ring. Diamond quality is going to be highest priority since it’s the star of this show.
. - Traditional – Her jewelery collection contains a variety of styles, but nothing really too flashy, too risky, or too antique looking. A solitaire works here, but a lot of guys end up going with a multi stone. A hybrid would be a large stone in the middle with smaller diamonds on the side for sparkle support.
. - Vintage – Her jewelery collection could one day own an episode of Antiques Roadshow, but it’s not dusty or decrepit, and it’s far from boring. You’ll want to look for a ring where there’s artistry not just in the diamond, but in the ring itself. Intricate detailing like filigree is a solid bet.
Left: Two examples of traditional multi stone rings. Right: A Tiffany Solitaire. Top: A vintage looking ring w/ filigree
Your goal is to match her personal style with the ring. Has she ever made a comment (good or bad) about a friend’s engagement ring to you? Steal a glance into her jewelry box. Is it all new, modern, shiny stuff? Are there pieces that her Grandmother wore when she was young that she handed down to her? Does she like earrings and necklaces that don’t have just one stone, but clusters that bounce together as one? These are all clues.
Know her ring size
Proposing and knowing she loves the ring is like hitting five numbers in Powerball. Being able to slide it on her finger and have it fit right away is all the numbers plus the ball. Jackpot. Commandeer a ring she’s worn recently if possible. Make sure it’s one she wears on her ring finger. That’ll give the jeweler her size. You can also take a very sharp (or mechanical) pencil and trace the interior circle on a piece of paper. Not exact, but, something.
Know where to shop
- Aside from Tiffany (which is outrageously expensive) skip the internet all together. You need to see the diamond and the setting in person.
- Unless you’re on a serious budget, skip department stores.
- Avoid the jewelery stores in the mall. They’re pricey and someone might see you shopping there.
- Discreetly ask around. Go on reputation, not advertising. You want a jewelery store that’s professional, free of pressure, and lets you take your time to think about this. You want a place that’ll show you settings you can order and match with loose stones if there’s nothing in the case that appeals to you.
- If you start to feel any pressure from a salesperson, walk the hell out of there. Jewelery, suits, and cars all have one thing in common: there are far too many terrible salespeople selling these things.
Know those four C’s: Color, Cut, Clarity, Carat weight
Color: Most diamonds have a yellowish tint to them. The more colorless it looks, the more expensive it’ll be.
Cut: The shape of the stone and its facets. Facets are the small lines that bounce the light around. Each stone will look different when light moves through it, so spend some time with your options in the store.
Clarity: Diamonds have these tiny specs of imperfections inside of them called “inclusions.” They’re easy to see under a microscope. They almost look like roughed up or scratched glass inside the stone. The salesperson will be able to show you the different inclusions in different stones. The more inclusions, the less brilliant the diamond will appear because light won’t pass through and bounce aroud as easily. A diamond with few inclusions next to a diamond with tons of inclusions would look like the crystal clear Caribbean sitting next to the Cuyahoga.
Carat Weight: The bigger the rock, the higher the carat weight. That’ll obviously impact the price too. More here.
Slightly smaller diamonds with terrific clarity can cost oddly less than bigger diamonds that appear cloudy.
Know your budget. And know that bigger isn’t always better
The old rule of thumb is the ring should cost three months salary (no Michael Scott, not three years,) but NASA didn’t get men on the moon by making measurements with their thumbs. There’s leeway here. Just know that a bigger stone doesn’t always mean it’s the best decision.
When I purchased my wife’s engagement ring, I spent almost an hour looking at two different diamonds. One was noticeably larger and more expensive, but it just didn’t sparkle nearly as much as the other. The bigger one looked dirty in comparison. It took a team of internal horses not to go with the bigger diamond (I didn’t want to feel cheap), but it just didn’t look as good. When I finally made my decision, the incredibly helpful saleswoman told me that I had made the right choice. Maybe she was just saying that, but I’ve never regretted the pick for a second. Quite the opposite.
Know a few final, key details
- Some couples choose to pick out the ring together. It’s practical, sensible, and it’s guaranteed to fit. It also runs the risk of being as romantic as a Jean Claude Van Damme movie. Make a day or a weekend out of it. Consider dinner out and a one night stay at a great hotel if headed this route.
. - Get it insured. That way, she can wear it worry free. Some homeowner’s and renter’s policies have this built in, but make sure. Be prepared to get your insurance company paperwork from the jeweler.
. - When someone tells you that they just got engaged, don’t immediately ask to see the ring. It puts the guy (and potentially his financial situation) on the spot and makes the ring the focus of the event. Congratulations come first. Maybe ask how he proposed. If she shows you the ring? Then pay a genuine compliment.
Ever bought one? Other suggestions for engagement ring shopping, or, mistakes to avoid, should go below…
Actually, a diamond is one of the worst gemstones you can buy, both in terms of value and in terms of ethics. Their prices are not based on intrinsic value in the way gold or other precious gemstones are; instead they’ve generally been set by a cartel which manipulates the price through control of (ample) supplies and clever, pervasive marketing. Those Four Cs? Pure marketing gimmick.
There’s a classic article on the diamond trade published in The Atlantic archives, by the distinguished economist Edward Jay Epstein:
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1982/02/have-you-ever-tried-to-sell-a-diamond/4575/
And his more recent book is available freely online:
http://www.edwardjayepstein.com/diamond/prologue.htm
Absolutely fascinating reading, showing how dramatically our culture(s) and perceptions are shaped by a handful of clever businessmen.
The other troubling aspect about diamonds is that it’s really hard to find one that has truly been extracted and polished through an ethical process; the industry has set up the “Kimberley Process” of self-regulation, but it is notoriously full of holes and the industry is known to be an important source of income for certain regimes with atrocious human rights records.
Interestingly, the Oppenheimer recently got out of the diamond business after steering it for most of its history. Some see this as a sign of Epstein’s predicted impending collapse of the industry.
Bottom line: Don’t fall for this artifice; give her a stone or metal with REAL value and fewer ethical issues.
Congratulations on your choice of diamond, Joe, and living life without regrets; a little inspiring even. And on a side note, this article referenced the Dappered Classics on buying jewelry. I didn’t even think to look for that article here. Only a girlfriend now, but I’m thinking of buying a necklace. Good luck to everyone else there buying jewelry for their significant other this Christmas!
Great advice, Joe.
As someone who recently got engaged (this past summer), I actually went about the process somewhat differently. My fiancee and I ended up buying the engagement ring after I proposed. I have a few pieces of advice from this experience.
First, your fiancee might not know her ring size. Mine never wears rings and had told me before thought her size was a five or four and a half. However, after trying on rings at several jewelers, it turned out she was a three and a half. This only became clear from trying on various rings. Had I bought a ring on my own, it would have been way too big.
Second, I discovered she had very very particular opinions about styles, which I wasn’t able to discover covertly (I didn’t trust myself to extracting information without tipping my hand). She didn’t like solitaire settings, which, as far as I can tell, are the most common design. It ended up taking several weeks until we found the right one.
Third, check out estate jewelers in addition to the ones at the mall. The nicest rings we found, including the one we bought, were at estate jewelers. The ring we finally bought was a beautiful art deco design from the 1920’s and available at a reasonable price well within my budget. They had terrific customer service and even replaced one of the diamonds that fell out for free even though we didn’t buy insurance.
So just a few suggestions to keep in mind. Good luck to any guys looking to pop the big question!
As John Boyer below notes, the best deals are indeed found at estate jewellers, because these things can’t hold their value in informed markets. Retail jewellers don’t buy them back because they know that the stones they sell are not actually worth much at all.
Some other helpful, more concise links which can help readers understand and therefore save a bundle:
http://www.wisebread.com/the-greatest-story-ever-sold-is-a-fantasy-covered-in-blood
http://www.neatorama.com/2008/12/01/10-facts-about-diamonds-you-should-know/
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2524/is-a-diamonds-price-a-true-measure-of-its-value
De Beers chairman Nicky Oppenheimer said it best: “diamonds are intrinsically worthless, except for the deep psychological need they fill.” It’s amazing how our lemming-like nature permits this scam to persist.
sky7i: “Will you marry me?”
Her: “What is that?”
sky7i: “It’s a printer ink cartridge.”
Her: …
sky7i: “Well, despite its overinflated price, when compared to a diamond its cost to actual value ratio is…”
“To defy the laws of tradition is a crusade only of the brave.”
I’ve got to go listen to some Primus now.
Nice article, Joe. I think that, whatever a person’s views on buying jewelry, with as significant a purchase as an engagement ring, it’s of top importance to be educated. Know what you’re buying. That’s no different, really, than knowing the quality and fit of a suit before you buy. This article is a step in the right direction.
I’m recently engaged, having proposed to my fiance in June. My diamond ring search took the better part of 6 months, during which I read as much as I could. I had a limited budget that I wanted to make the most of; and I think I did just that.Know what stones are going for. Know how to give and take on the 4 Cs to get a stone both you and she will love. Do you value size (carat wt.) above all else? Do you value brilliance (cut impacts it most) above all else? How about color?I would call out that a specific thing to know is her preferred stone shape. Not all women are driven toward the round brilliant stone. Also, and I would hope the salesperson would tell you, know that not all bands can be resized, depending on the main setting type and any side stones in the band. I HIGHLY recommend reading the knowledge articles and community forum at PriceScope (http://www.pricescope.com/). It’s a consumer advocate site that focuses on arming prospective diamond buyers with the savvy they need to make a wise purchase.And remember the most important part, in my opinion: don’t ask her to marry you if you’re not sure what the answer will be.Good luck!
And on the topic of her taste, not every woman wants a diamond. If she’s adores sapphires, your own heart isn’t set on tradition, and you can afford it, why not get her the stone she prefers?
Also, some woman find traditional engagement rings with raised settings annoying (they get caught on clothes and in pockets). Try to find out if she prefers a flat set ring (looks like a high school ring or wedding ring with gems).
A good woman will appreciate whatever effort you put in, but at the same time, the little things make a big difference.
sky7i –
Ah, the time honored economic paradox of water and diamonds. We need clean water to live, and yet diamonds are significantly more expensive (even though we don’t). It all comes down to relative value — the price of most things [except some commodities] is based on willingness to pay, e.g. hence plane ticket prices are so variable. And the supply of diamonds, particularly those of high quality, is somewhat low. This drives up prices. The person buying always values the item more than the “person” selling, and that’s the value added in the transaction.
The long and short of it is that the only “REAL value” is the value you ascribe to it.
I got engaged last month after several weeks of ring shopping. At first I was frustrated by the “off-the-rack” nature of picking out a stone and a setting; it didn’t feel like I was able to personalize the ring. Eventually, I found a jewelry store that allowed me to design my own ring for no extra charge. They e-mailed me CAD designs of what the ring would look like, so I could approve it or make changes. Then they made a wax model before the final version was produced. I ended up really enjoying the process of choosing both a filigree pattern that my fiancee would like and the best setting to show off the stones.
Nice article Joe. Great info for anyone looking to get engaged.
It’s been 4 years since I shopped for an engagement ring, but I still remember it vividly. It is one of my favorite experiences because of the incredible importance and significance of the event. I’m not good at keeping secrets so it was a monumental task to shop and buy a ring and not give myself away.
Assuming you cannot “commandeer” your girlfriend’s ring for some time (nice idea Joe, but not always possible if she wears the only ring she owns every day!): look for a time when she takes her ring off and slip it over one of your fingers (probably your pinky). Notice where it falls on your own finger and use that as a basis for sizing. It may not be perfect, but it’ll get you a heck of a lot closer than guessing if you’re just discovering that rings come in different sizes.
Which store was this? Please share
I got out of this because she used her grandmother’s wedding ring. The whole diamond industry is a scam, but it’s now an entrenched part of our culture, so what can you do? If I would’ve bought a ring and she hated it, I don’t know if I would’ve wanted to marry someone where the ring choice was a make or break situation…
I just went through this process a month ago, and here are my suggested steps:
1. Do all your research up front. Learn everything you can about the 4 C’s (thanks, Internet!)
2. Go to the mall and see the diamonds for yourself. Figure out what you want. Be completely up front with them and let them know that you are not planning on purchasing anything that day. You are just looking.
3. Then, go to the Internet. Seriously. The prices on the Internet are much, much cheaper than what you could ever find in a store. The Internet sites offer free overnight shipping so you can still see the ring before you give it to your girlfriend. If you don’t like it, you can send it back. (You’ll like it. After seeing the crap in the stores, the ring that comes in the mail will blow you away.)
4. Blow your girlfriend away with how awesome the ring is. Bonus: the money you saved by purchasing the ring online can go towards the wedding. No sane woman will have a problem with that.
5. If you had a particularly good experience with one of the brick and mortar jewelers, then go back to them with your fiancee and purchase your wedding bands through them. That way you didn’t waste their time and you are rewarding the jeweler who was the most helpful.
Good article, agree with most it and many of the tips above.
* My GF (now wife) has classic meets vintage style. I bought her a contemporary yet very unique setting without her knowing I would propose. I went with my gut on the style; I really loved it and didn’t want to compromise. My perspective: She loves me and my style, and if I can’t pick a ring for her that she will love unconditionally, maybe I don’t know her as well as I thought. Buying a ring together would feel to commercial to me, but I’m also the type to ask her dad for permission.
* Agree that you need to see diamond (loose) in person. Know the range you can put up with – IE, what is the worst cut, worst color, worst clarity you can deal with. Set priorities. For me, cut was paramount, as a perfect cut stone reflects light like no other. That said, I live in a major metropolitan city and the best deal I found was online (bluenile.com, jamesallen.com). Huge selection and you can get exactly the stone you want for 20% less than a brick & mortar store. Comes certified and you can get it independently appraised when it arrives. Bonus: I got a custom designed wedding band that matches the engagement ring for a price equal to what the local stores wanted for a plain band. Apparently someone else paid for the up-front design and molds, and they had the band “off catalog”. If you do buy in store, never buy that day unless you have compared the cost of a similar ring elsewhere. Every store I visited had a “today only” deal. One lady even told me she needed this sale because she’s a single parent and her kids really deserved a Christmas.
Oh, and my wife loves the ring. People can’t believe that I bought it without her.
I’d second (or third, or fourth) the suggestion to check the estate/antique market. The prices are uniformly lower, value is higher, and the pieces are more unique. Plus, as the first poster pointed out, you’re not supporting a rather corrupt industry. I ended up finding a 1930s art-deco with a european cut stone (better quality than I could get otherwise) in a platinum setting (which, I believe, was more typical for the time, but I could not afford retail today).
While buying a ring on the internet is probably scarier than purchasing tailored suits, it can be done. Hi-res photos are a wonderful thing, as are customer reviews and return policies. Plus, the price usually reflects the fact that fewer people are willing to assume this risk.
In a world with taste, C’s 1-3 would trump carat weight, however, we live in 21st century America. I was told by a jeweler friend that he personally would not buy an engagement ring with a stone much larger than one carat, which is a traditional and classy size. A quality one carat stone (imo) > a lower quality, larger stone, and >>> than a cluster (we’re not all Kardashians, no need to try to be). I mean, ultimately it’s what your girlfriend wants, but assuming you’ve done your job, she will already see the wisdom in this.
If/when I ever buy an engagement ring, I’m going to go the less traditional route – because of my love for my home state, I would love to find a great antique ring with a Yogo sapphire on white gold. Or new ones, if I can’t find an antique. Ideally, I’d like to get a “previously owned” sapphire and set it in a recycled white gold band – as a native of a place where stuff like this comes out of the earth, I know firsthand how destructive mineral extraction can be to a community and its environment.
If all else fails, my mom somehow managed to inherit a handful of engagement rings from her parents’ generation. I’m sure she would be more than happy to give one to me. Even having one of the stones reset in a new band would be significantly cheaper than buying a whole ring.
Well put. Watch any episode of Antiques Roadshow (big fan) and you’ll be stunned as to the high appraisal value of some items, but the relatively low appraisal value of others. And then the person sitting next to you, no matter what rock is on her finger, will probably think the exact opposite.
I actually had a great experience shopping for a diamond engagement ring online. I checked out some of NY’s Diamond District stores’ websites (since I am on the West Coast), spent lots of time asking questions about the diamonds and requesting pictures, copies of the certifications, etc. If you buy online from a family owned or small business, you can have an amazing experience. When the diamond arrived, it was FAR prettier than anything I had seen at local shops, and it turned out to be an estate diamond.
Bottom line: if you aren’t crunched for time and the store has a good return policy, there is no harm in shopping online.
Windy City Diamonds on Wabash Ave. in Chicago. Ask for Denise.
All I can say on this is that the process is different for every couple. In my situation, my wife has very particular tastes, and I knew I didn’t want to spend thousands of dollars on the wrong ring. We had been dating for a while and I knew she liked to window shop a lot, so I just made a habit of wandering through the jewelry stores with her, and seeing which rings she kept coming back to. It allowed me to see where her tastes were without explicitly saying “so, which one do you want?”. A sales person in this scenario is great, because they can attend to her, get her ring size “just for future reference” and then covertly slip you the information. I did this casually a few times while ostensibly on other errands, replacing a watch battery, looking for valentines day presents, etc. When I proposed out of the blue 6 months later, she had no idea it was coming, and was thrilled to see the ring she had been admiring, in the right size.
One of my best friends went the polar opposite route, proposed first, went ring shopping with her after, they found a gorgeous antique ring on consignment at a reputable jeweler here in Austin, and loves it.
One of my other buddies picked out a ring on his own, without knowing his wife well enough, got the wrong size, her least favorite setting, and garish yellow gold. they’re now on their 3rd attempt at finding a ring she likes…
Bricago, I used to live right by there. Just a few blocks from Roosevelt University and Depaul University.
Mrs. Bruschetta and I went engagement ring shopping together. I’m glad that we chose this route: it was incredibly romantic, we had a great deal of fun, and she has a ring that she’ll love for the rest of her life.
“Avoid the jewelery stores in the mall. They’re pricey and *someone might see you shopping there*.”
Definitely made me laugh while I was on a conference call. Nice work.
I think the most important part of this article is “knowing her taste”. I have been less than subtly informed that when the time comes, if she sees a diamond the answer will be no. She actually prefers a handcrafted jewel-less ring mixing white and yellow gold.
The whole three-months-salary is bullshit. How about doing something logical and putting that money toward a house or furniture or even a trip. Damn marketing.
“the supply of diamonds, particularly those of high quality,”
You didn’t read the articles. The supply of “high quality” diamonds isn’t low at all; it’s artificially restricted by a cartel to give that impression. Demand is also artificially inflated through a massive propaganda campaign designed to suck a gullible public into believing they are valuable, timeless, indestructible symbols of love. As P.T. Barnum stated, there’s one born every minute…
Gold (and most other precious metals) are actually far more scarce and indestructible than diamonds — it is fungible, so its value is real, and sellers will be quite happy to buy it back, possibly at a higher rate than they sold it to you, depending on commodity prices.
This article is giving me a panic attack. Why does she always say I’m afraid of commitment when we’ve been dating for almost four years? How is that not a commitment. I can’t breathe i can’t breathe. aaaaaahhh.
That’s also a ton of money, depending on your occupation. Also, is that net? gross? Makes a diff if you’re in Texas (no income tax) vs. NY (waaaay too much local tax)
sky7i: “Will you marry me?”
Her: “What is that?”
sky7i: “It’s a gold ring, encrusted with sapphire and emeralds”
Her: “Wow, brilliant! I read the Epstein article and I’m SO relieved you didn’t blow your money on a worthless, probably unethical chunk of carbon and fall for that unoriginal P.R. scam.”
C’mon Joe… there are many shiny, dazzling alternatives to diamonds that are even more striking and of genuine value. A well-informed and intelligent woman will want something truly valuable, original, and creative, not a lump of carbon that artificially commoditizes her and her husband’s own value and enriches Nicky Oppenheimer more than her. Your salary’s value should go to HER, not to these sly men who play parlour tricks…
Your Antique Roadshows comparison below is flawed. For those antique items, the item’s value is bound up with its unique history, relationships (to both previous owners and prospective ones), and long-gone manufacturing processes. There is subjectivity there, but it’s not at all artificially created by the original owners (who are often dead and could never imagine the future value of the items) and the buyers know they are buying the *history* of the piece. With the diamonds, everyone is actually just choosing a lump from a huge pile of largely interchangeable, history-less commodity rocks sitting in London or Tel Aviv and paying a huge mark-up for them because they’ve been conditioned by a vast marketing campaign to believe that this is ‘tradition’ (when it isn’t), that the 4Cs mean something (when they don’t), and that diamonds are precious gems (which they aren’t). It’s the total antithesis of craftsmanship and originality. It’s the same difference between the priceless museum vase and the ceramic replica you buy in the gift shop, except at least you don’t grossly overpay for the ceramic replica as you do with diamonds.Joe, you’re a smart guy, a sharp writer, and (I’m sure) a sweet husband who informs and delights me on a regular basis, but you (and many, many other intelligent but poorly-informed people) got bamboozled on this one. Most of the comments below are testimony to how powerful the advertising/propaganda industries really are.
Sometimes it’s not what you say, but how you say it. Change your tone, and you might find a more receptive audience.
I dunno, I think Tiffany’s is a good value.
That’s a hell of an idea, the pinky finger thing. Thanks for the kind words.
I do apologize if I’ve offended you in any way — my sole intention is to expose this fickle and manipulative industry. It’s not easy to do, as many people experience cognitive dissonance upon learning what’s really happened to them.
As I said, I very much respect you as an astute and stylish editor/writer/appraiser. I check this site out daily because it’s very well-done and because you really do have an integrity and sincerity that isn’t found in glossy magazines or their derivative sites.
You can stop typing any time now. Thanks. Anything else? joe@dappered.com
I think there is a classic range of size that a diamond in an engagement ring should fall in. Too big is tacky, like you are trying to pass some threshold that tells people you paid at least this-many-thousands. Too small can be too small as well. There are simply nice sized ones that will do the trick and as Joe said, bigger is not necessarily better.
Are you married, Renato?
The computer you typed on has more blood on it than a diamond. Inform yourself. The kimberly process is not perfect. It is United State law as an executive order. The cartel De Beers lost its ability to manipulate diamond prices long ago in the early 90’s. De Beets as of 2006 only holds 63% of the market. In the 70’s they owned 93%. Your information is for the most part reflective of what was the industry. The industry has changed dramatically.
I’m surprised no one went for a “He went to Jared?!” joke.
No one here is going to be on your side. You climbed up so high on your horse that I pulled a muscle in my neck looking up at you, and shouted down about how superior you are because you posted about how evil corporations are.
Your right. The diamond market has carefully controlled supply leading to inflated prices, and there are ethical issues surrounding the sourcing of diamonds from certain countries. But nothing in your tone, word choice, sentence structure etc. etc suggests you want to do anything other than feel superior to people on the internet.
he make’s a good point, I delayed buying a ring and proposing by a year, and instead took the money I had saved up and used it as a down payment on a house. (Then took that fist time home buyer credit, and bought a ring.)
Great tips on where to shop for rings. Tiffany’s and mall jewelry stores are rip offs. Plain and simple. I purchased my wife’s ring from a local jewelry store and it was thousands of dollars cheaper than rings from other stores that had similar color, clarity, etc. Plus, the salesman spent about 2 hours with me helping to find the perfect stone and setting.
Stressing out about an engagement ring is, in my humble (wrong?) opinion, completely
unnecessary and unproductive. Ultimately, I think the only useful intent
of an engagement ring is a symbol of thoughtfulness. You thought about
what she’d like, and acted accordingly. It’s not about how much you
spend, or how sparkly something is, or 4 C’s, or any of that. That’s just noise.
Your ring shouldn’t prove that you’re rich; true love requires no wealth.
Your ring shouldn’t prove that you know the four C’s; true love does not squint through a loupe.
Your ring shouldn’t prove that you’ve sacrificed 3 months’ salary; true love cares not for financial sacrifice.
Your ring shouldn’t prove to her friends that you’re a great guy; true love needs the approval of no other.
Romance is not what commercials and movies tell you it is, it’s a frame of mind. Someone lacking confidence, even with Ratio shirts and Allen Edmonds shoes, can still appear very much awkward and un-stylish. Conversely, a movie star can often times look great despite wearing something most of us wouldn’t ever wear. The attitude, as much as the clothes, make the man.
I feel a similar set of axioms apply for romance. The most expensive ring in the world won’t save you if your heart isn’t truly in the moment. And the converse is so obvious it’s a cliche: grand romantic gestures don’t need any jewelry at all to sweep a woman off her feet.
In the end (and this, like the rest of my comment, is just my opinion here), if your lady would turn down your proposal because the ring wasn’t nice enough, that fact in-and-of-itself is perhaps something one should consider before proceeding. She’s not marrying a ring, she’s marrying you.
Rings are, in the end, just things. The value of a symbol is in what it symbolizes, not the symbol itself. Rings can be returned, exchanged, altered. People? Not so much. 🙂
I, too, paid for our house before I bought the ring, but it’s not an ‘either-or’, it’s a ‘both’. We’re just talking sequence here 🙂
I didn’t think he sounded high and mighty at all. Thanks for the info sky7i.
Just got married, and did quite a bit of research before took the plunge. Best rules to follow:
1. Know your jeweler
He/she will treat you right and make sure they show you the good stuff
2. Know what she wants
Obvious
3. If you trust your jeweler go for non-certified diamonds.
I got a much much better color, cut, clarity and size for my dollar by buying non-certified estate diamonds. Got exactly what she wanted and a gorgeous diamond
4. Fire is king
Look at way more diamonds than you think you need to, in order to get a good feel for finding flaws, and seeing the fire in a stone. I passed on many a larger stone because of carbon spots or what I thought was a lesser cut, even though it may have been rated higher. Small differences in size are far outweighed by the fire in the stone.
But we live in a market economy: if supply is low, whether artificially constrained or otherwise, then in order to stay at equilibrium, prices will rise until demand equals supply. From a business standpoint what Rhodes and then Oppenheimer did was brilliant, and something very few other businessmen have achieved.
Remember, scarcity is determined by actual supply, not the potential supply. This is a fundamental property of economics, and one that all companies exploit to one degree or another. Consider Apple’s premium pricing for an iPhone which is arguably supply constrained by the factory capacity Apple decided to create. This is the same control that DeBeers exert over the products they sell: Apple could make more iPhones, DeBeers could release more diamonds to the market. Only in DeBeers case they’ve evolved over the years to be in a much better position to defend their market against replacement products than, say Apple are, and hence have achieved huge success.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m just as concerned about some of the atrocities that have been associated with the diamond industry and I don’t endorse that at all. But for me the economic argument against diamonds carries no weight other than pointing out a fundamental principal of economics and the capitalist society we live in.
+1 for PriceScope. Lots of great reading and a genuinely helpful community of folks out there to help educate and inform.
@Anotherjames – I’m hoping that the sarcasm tags got stripped off from your post …
Similar story here. We looked together to get some ideas, decided nothing in the stores was to our tastes, and wanted to design something unique. Since this would take a little time and was to be a shared experience, I popped the question with a $5 plastic ring at the right time and place to make it memorable.
If you’re shopping online then I’d highly recommend Brian Gavin (http://www.briangavindiamonds.com/). His prices are about the same as the other online places but he wrote the book on diamond cutting and the beauty of his diamonds blows away anything else I’ve seen.
I worked with him to design a unique engagement ring and wedding band set to my wife’s taste that she simply adores. Unlike the big online retailers, you get personal service from Brian and the jewelers that actually make your ring, you get to see the CAD drawings and tweak them, discuss the process and why certain things are or are not possible, and then get to see your ideas take shape. In the end he stands behind every one of his rings and the customer experience throughout the whole nerve wracking process is simply superb.
I’m just one of many happy customers. If you’d like a broader perspective take a look at PriceScope (mentioned by earlier) or other independent online sites and see what other people are saying. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed!
I don’t buy rings, it’s a shallow meaningless tradition that I won’t have any part of. And that’s even without considering the corruption of the diamond industry which I would never support.
If a woman isn’t ok with that she can find someone else. I’ve done ok so far. Frankly the kind of woman who this would be a deal breaker for is exactly the kind I am not interested in anyway.
I would say don’t avoid the internet. I actually purchased mine off of blue nile. I hit brick and mortar stores to see stones in various sizes/shapes/and clarity so that I knew what to expect. The value play on buying the stone online was worth an appraisal of 2.5x what I paid for it. Not that I was buying it as an investment, but just that its nice to get a better bang for the buck. Plus I was able to design the setting to be a bit unique. I’d highly recommend at least checking it out.