Ask A Woman: Boutonnieres in the 21st Century.
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Hi Beth:
What are your thoughts on the boutonniere? Is it an antiquated practice? I was thinking of it trying it out maybe once a week . I’m getting the feeling it’ll seem a little contrived. Seems like something that the Cary Grant generation would have done more often, but I thought I’d get your point of view to see what women would think…
-Al
Hi Al,
I did a bit of research (i.e., using Google and looking at movie stills from the first part of the last century–nothing but the loftiest journalistic standards here) to find out how common it has been for men to wear flower boutonnieres in their lapel over the years. The impression I got was that long, long ago, men of great wealth and status often placed flowers in the lapels of their rather extravagant coats. Later on, movie stars like Cary Grant–as you mentioned–did occasionally sport them in studio photos. Today, as you are aware, someone wearing a boutonniere is typically standing at the front of a church, or sitting in a glitter-covered throne in a high school gym.
Now, you know I love old things. Vintage style, old movies, aged wine, my ancient neighbor who greases the top of his fence so the squirrels fall off it. So I want to embrace your interest in reviving the boutonniere…but I’m struggling with it. Maybe you could get away with it in your overcoat on a cold December evening, on your way to your office holiday party, the boutonniere a fresh sprig of holly. Or at a special dinner celebrating your anniversary, the boutonniere a casual echo of the lily you wore on your wedding day.
But on a day-to-day basis, I agree, Al, it will look contrived. You didn’t mention with what you’d be wearing the flower–a suit jacket, an overcoat–but I can’t imagine an “everyday” outfit (like khakis and a blazer) in an “everyday” environment (like the grocery store or the subway) in which a boutonniere wouldn’t stand out. In a bad way.
………………..
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The boutonniere is sooooo associated with very specific occasions–weddings and high school dances–in this current time period and culture, that you’re going to look like a weirdo.
Our fearless Dappered leader found this link about making your own silk lapel flower. I’m not a fan of the look myself, but it is definitely less conspicuous. Maybe it would satisfy your desire for sporting flora on your lapel. Readers, I’d be interested to know what you think of Al’s question?
-Beth
Got a question for Beth? Send them to: askawoman@dappered.com
Never a flower for me, but I wore an Oakland A’s pin in my boutonniere hole on my blazer for the entire season. It was of their elephant mascot and I got compliments on it standing out at work and on the town.
I always but a flower in my lapel. I don’t wear it ON my lapel though I wear it IN my lapel. And it’s never a very big flower too. I like it. To be honest I usually pick something from a neighbor’s yard on the way in.
http://www.realmenrealstyle.com/boutonnieres-mens-lapel/
Another option is the lapel pin… Something like an alma mater symbol or a flag pin (if you’re a politician or on tv) or even an unpaired cufflink.
Wear it with an overcoat and you’ll smash it. I think the pocket square has come to replace the B. You probably can’t wear both, and the pocket square won’t wilt or destruct. Go with the pocket square. In fact, Beth, let’s hear your take on pocket squares.
Maybe if it’s a small Lilly or carnation it would look less contrived/effected than the usual large, exaggerated prom night flowers. It would also have to be in season. Like springtime. And given to you by happenstance while walking through town by either a neighbor or the florist, both of whom are cute girls. Also, it’d be best if you could break out into song and choreographed dance with said neighbor, florist, and the mailman, milkman, meter maid, the lovable but scruffy dog, A marching band and a juggler. Then I say go for it. Haha just joking. I can be done. But just wait until springtime.
I am so happy that you referenced How I met your mother to this question, made my morning.
I saw a man with a folded Watchtower (coulda been Wake!) cover in his jacket breast pocket this morning……only in NY,and then,only in Harlem…..
I’ve seen Sabir’s video on the lapel flower with the silk knots way in the past. I do have to admit, I have tried it before, but could never get past getting more than 1 silk knot into my lapel blazer hole. I feel like its too small, and I dont want to really stretch it out and ruin it. Anyone else experience with this? I wouldnt mind getting all 4 in there and seeing what it actually looks like.
You mean like this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgVNgYXFi_Q
i would say go for it, but small, unpretentious flower.
A lady friend of mine once directed me to a website where tiny, simple flower pins made from fabric were being sold. Similar to these, though not quite the same. I thought for a long time about buying one, and now I can’t remember what the website was. I think their simplicity helps to counterbalance their femininity – a cool look if you’re already a fashion-forward guy.
Over on SF there’s a guy who makes felt lapel flowers. Sounds lame, but they’re actually really cool. Might satisfy the desire without coming off all high school. I think they’re 3 for $15 or something, so very reasonable.
Check them out: http://www.styleforum.net/t/268948/mr-ks-lapel-flower-thread-with-updates
Yea I do the silk knot thing from time to time to spice my lapel up a bit.. but only one knot. I feel like that’s really all you need. You don’t want to be gaudy but rather someone who pays attention to details. I’ve also stuck a collar pin through my lapel, but you end up poking a hole through your lapel so I wouldn’t do it too often.
Bottom line: I think a Boutonniere for daily use is a bit too contrived and screams ‘try hard.’ Unless you’ve got the gravitas of a Nucky Thompson, I would stay away. There are better alternatives out there.
I should get one of those.
Coincidentally, I happened to do a little research (Googling) of my own on this last night. I came across an article at AoM that covered this topic really well.
Take a look: http://artofmanliness.com/2010/07/09/boutonniere-buttonhole/
Hi Guys,
Since I am the guy that made the Silk Knot Lapel flower video I thought I should chime in. I am typically not a fan of the traditional flower for everyday wear, however; I do occasional like to spruce up the semi dressed up look with that random silk knot lapel detail. It does take a bit of confidence to go all in with the “flower”, so if you are going to start out with the silk knots go with one instead of four knots. If you are heady to an outdoor event in the Spring or Summer that is kind of dressed up, but, a bit more fun give the silk knot lapel “flower” a try.
Not cool, dude.
You could try a red one in your white dinner jacket like Sean Connery as James Bond 😉
I wear my SJ Sharks pin in my lapel from time to time. I need to lock down an A’s one, though. Let’s go Oakland.
Just plain dorky & way dated looking… sort of like carrying a snuff box
Pin = Yes
Flower = Never
Great clip by the way.
Agree, a flower is too big and non-subtle to look good with an outfit – it really would be main centrepiece. Fine if you’re “peacocking”, but otherwise? I don’t even like it when Nucky Thomson wears them in Boardwalk Empire, they’re just massive and look weird squashed on the lapel.
I do like the idea of lapel ornamentation though, accessories are always good, and those knot-flowers that you linked to are awesome!
I find it really depends on the outfit, the flower, and the look you’re going for, but there are definitely situations where a flower in a less-formal outfit works. Certainly, a factory-looking carnation or a giant rose looks ridiculous with a sportcoat, but an unassuming and wild-looking flower can top off a sort of “winking” look wonderfully; try a clover flower (which has the advantage of being common as weeds most places) with a few of the leaves left on.
If you have a jacket with the hole cut but without the little string on the reverse, there is a solution, though some won’t favor it — in a pinch you can take a small safety pin and carefully run it through just the first layer of the fabric (missing the lining so as to avoid any pulling), and tuck the stem through that. I know some men will freak at the very idea of putting a pin through any part of their lapel; I’m not that fastidious about the reverse of the lapel, which nobody’s ever going to see a pin-hole in.
As a final thought, keep in mind that in some regions there are specific codes to what color flower you wear; most common is that one wears a red or pink boutonniere if one’s mother is living, white only if she is deceased. Might be worth keeping in mind.