Dappered

Affordable Men's Style

  • Don’t Miss Anything
  • Start Here
  • Essentials Shop
  • Latest Deals
  • Style Scenarios
  • Reviews

Going from friends, to dating, then back to just friends.

October 13, 2011 By Joe | | Heads up: Buying via our links results in us getting a commission (not always, but just about), which helps keep the lights on around here. We also take your privacy rights seriously. Head here to learn more.

Ask A Woman:  How to handle breaking up with a friend.

If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. And don’t worry, your identity will be protected too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com


Beth,

If I have taken a girl out two times and have decided that I’m not that into her.  Do I owe it to her to sit her down and tell her that I’m not pursuing her anymore?  Also, for a little background info, we were friends before we started dating.  If I have to sit her down, what do I say?

– Andrew

 

Hi Andrew,

Got yourself into a bit of a pickle, eh?  Ugh, is there anything worse than telling someone you no longer want to date them?  Well, maybe hearing that someone no longer wants to date you is worse.  Or at least equal.  Love stinks.

This and that. Not so easy.

If you had not had a prior friendship, I’d say no, you don’t have to sit her down and tell her she repulses you.  It’s only two dates.  You can just let things expire…assuming she doesn’t contact you again.  BUT, if she called you again, then you’d want to, first of all, take the call, but then say something along the lines of “I had a nice time but you oughta know that I don’t think this is going to work out, so I wish you the best.”  And yes, no matter what you say in that scenario, it will always sound just that lame.

Your situation, my friend, is made complicated by the fact that you were/are friends with her.  You need to seek her out and tell her you think friendship is better than romance for the two of you.

You also need to be prepared to lose that friendship, either because she’s got an achy, breaky heart, or because it ends up being awkward for both of you.  And yes, this can happen even after only two dates.  Sometimes the dip into dating means the friendship can’t be salvaged.

As for the nuts and bolts of what you say…be honest–to an extent–with her.  For instance, there’s no benefit to telling her that after seeing her up close during a make-out session, you realized you find her very unattractive.  But you can say something like, “I’m just not feeling a romantic spark with you.”  It’s the truth, but it’s not the whole truth, you know?  Or if you’ve discovered that all she wants to talk about is her teacup Poodle and how many calories she eats in a day, you can go with, “I don’t think we have enough in common.”  Because if you full-out lied and said, “I realized that I just don’t have time do date right now,” and then she heard it through the grapevine that you’re seeing someone else, she’s going to be upset.

I don’t envy you your task, Andrew.  Good luck.  Bye, bye, bye.

-Beth

Got a question for Beth? Send them to: askawoman@dappered.com

Filed Under: Etc., Women Tagged With: Ask A Woman, etiquette, just friends, relationships

CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION …

Want to share your thoughts on this article? Join the discussion on Facebook, hit us up on Instagram, or reply on Threads.

DON’T MISS ANYTHING

Subscribe via email to get articles in your inbox. You can also follow us on Threads, Facebook, and Instagram.

NEW HERE?

Well, welcome to Dappered. Here are what we consider the most useful posts on the site if you're looking to put a little more effort into your appearance. Just want to see our favorite menswear products? Shop our essentials here.
Style Scenario: Feels Like Fall – Casual (nothing over $100 edition)

Style Scenario: Feels Like Fall – Casual (nothing over $100 edition)

Plus an all day hot-toddy recipe. No single item eclipses the $100 price point.

Monday Men’s Sales Tripod – Macy’s Watch Sale, $10 off UNIQLO Chinos, and more

Monday Men’s Sales Tripod – Macy’s Watch Sale, $10 off UNIQLO Chinos, and more

Those on-sale UNIQLO chinos also come with free inseam alterations down to the half inch.

Steal Alert: Bonobos Extra 40% off Sale Items

Steal Alert: Bonobos Extra 40% off Sale Items

$36 jeans. $30 cords. Most of it is final sale, yet the Super 120s Italian wool suit separates are not.

Follow Dappered on Instagram »

MEN’S FASHION OR AFFORDABLE STYLE?

Fashion is temporary and expensive. Style is timeless and affordable. Dappered® helps you work the retail system so that you can be comfortable, look sharp, and save money.

Want to share a great product? Email Us.
For a fit perspective, see Joe’s measurements
Make sure to read our affiliate disclosure.

CONNECT WITH DAPPERED

Thanks! Check your inbox or spam folder to confirm your subscription.

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • RSS

MOST POPULAR ON DAPPERED

  • $8 J. Crew Slub Tees, Crown and Buckle Select Watch Straps Sale, & More – The Thurs. Men’s Sales Handful
  • Steal Alert: Bonobos Extra 40% off Sale Items
  • Monday Men’s Sales Tripod – Macy’s Watch Sale, $10 off UNIQLO Chinos, and more
  • Style Scenario: Feels Like Fall – Casual (nothing over $100 edition)
  • In Review: Banana Republic FACTORY Vegan Suede Bomber
  • Get More Use Out of Your Suits – Sleek and Booted (Style Scenario)

Copyright © 2023 Dappered.com | Dappered, LLC | Dappered® is a registered trademark of Dappered, LLC

Dappered does not collect or sell its users personal information | Disclosures: Privacy and Affiliates, Gilt.com, FTC

WPE

We work with partners that use cookies to understand how visitors use our site. Find out more.