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Myths about women dispelled

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Ask A Woman: Maiden Myths Dispelled – The Wedding Day

If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. And don’t worry, your identity will be protected too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com
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Hi Fellas,

We’re going to shake things up a bit here at Ask a Woman.  Some weeks I’ll answer your pressing questions.  Other weeks, I’ll simply write a column about style, lifestyle, gender, or some derivative thereof, which will hopefully spark conversation, debate, arm wrestling matches, mixed martial arts combat, DUELS TO THE DEATH!  Ahhh, yes, well, perhaps nothing quite so…fatal.  We encourage your participation in the comments section, as well as emails to askawoman@dappered.com with suggestions for columns on a particular topic.  Of course, keep sending those questions, too!  On to this week’s post:

Let’s be honest for a moment, you and I.  I’m a woman, clearly (Lord, I hope it’s clear by now because there’s been a time or two I’ve been mistaken for a dude, usually in a baseball cap at Starbucks, after a workout, and it wasn’t my finest hour).  Most of you are men.  I like to think that my expertise for this column is based on my interest in style, my writing ability, and my gender, in that order of importance.  But the fact that this column is called Ask a Woman promotes the idea that my being a woman uniquely informs my opinions and advice for you men.  So, while I feel slightly uncomfortable speaking for the entire female gender, I do have a lifetime of experience, and many strong women in my life who influence my views, so I’m going to take this opportunity to dispel some myths about women (one per posting), based on some of the columns I’ve written and the comments they’ve generated.
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Myth #1: A woman dreams of her wedding day from the time she is a little girl.

I truly do not know a single woman who has uttered these words.  Even if it were true, would you have the same ideas about what makes a beautiful wedding or partnership or spouse when you’re 30, as you did when you were 6?  If that were true I’d now be married to a dude who looks like David Bowie, circa 1986 when he was the spandex-legging-wearing Goblin King in The Labyrinth–can you say hot androgynous mess?

True, as women enter their twenties and their friends start getting married, they develop ideas about their preferences.  But declaring that you MUST have a swan ice sculpture at each table during the reception because “that’s how I’ve always imagined it” would be like me declaring that my groom MUST wear white iridescent eye shadow because the Goblin King was the first man I had the hots for.  (Hold your laughter, I know at least one other woman whose first crush was also David Bowie in drag, so let’s not be so quick judge, hmm?)

I think more often than not, women use the myth of a wedding ideal born in girlhood as an excuse to get their way when it comes to wedding planning, and men use it as an excuse not to push back against a nuptial idea they disagree with.  By the way, it’s a wedding for BOTH of you, and it doesn’t make you effeminate if you have preferences about what you want–grooms get a say-so, too.

Thanks for tuning in to Part 1: Maiden Myths Dispelled.  At some point in the future, I’ll deliver Part 2, 3, and so on.  I’m taking next week off in anticipation of a turkey-induced coma.  If you venture out for Black Friday shopping, remember to keep a low center of gravity as you negotiate the crowds and don’t be afraid to throw a couple ‘bows.

-Beth

Got a question for Beth? Send them to: askawoman@dappered.com

First, thanks for being the voice for women here. Its been enjoyable to read your weekly responses. Here’s my question. Are there any zero tolerance, deal breaker things that if a guy is wearing a woman won’t give him a chance? I’m thinking bracelets on guys. No? And is there anything else?

Chris

Comments

  1. You left out what I think is the main potential conflict between men and women when it comes to weddings: cost. I think women use the myth of their ideal wedding to get men to spend more than they want, not because the man has different ideas about what kind of flowers to have, what everyone should wear, etc.

  2. I have met 1 woman in my entire life who actually utter the phrase in the myth. She was the single worst bride I have ever had to deal with. It was a wedding in which the best man, me, almost walked out and skipped the wedding. That takes a lot. Seriously, in the 15 weddings I have been in, I have NEVER encountered anything like it.

  3. Mr. None, it seems to me it was your duty to sabotage that wedding. Surely the couple’s misery would warrant extreme intervention?

  4. By “misery,” I meant the ensuing agony both will endure until either divorce or death ends what sounds like a very bad match.

  5. @Alan actually they were perfect for each other. He pretty much couldn’t survive without his mother telling him what to do. So his wife has taken that place. Unfortunately, for her, I am an adult and can think and function on my own. So I did snap and yell at her and used my toast to get some digs in.

  6. This particular myth is probably spread by the wedding magazines and catering industry. The more you think you ought to tart up your wedding, the more crap you will buy to do it.