20 Signs Your Clothes are Too Tight

1. Getting your overcoat over a suit jacket or sweater is such a wrestling match that by the time you get it on, you’re sweaty, and you don’t need the darn coat anymore.
2. Not only do you have the telltale X strain/wrinkle radiating from your suit or sportcoat button when buttoned (it happens to the best of us), you’ve got an X for every one of your shirt buttons.
3. People can see when you get a text, and your phone is in your pants pocket.
4. Your athleisure makes your torso look like a tied up loin roast.
5. An accurate description of the strain on your crotch and thigh seams would be: “drawn and quartered.”

6. You MUST put on your socks before you put on your pants, otherwise your socks will have to be worn… over your pants.
7. Every single flippin’ time you stand up you have to yank your trousers back down to your ankles.
8. Your urologist has designated your favorite pair of jeans as an effective form of birth control.
9. Thom Browne has been following you around with a tape measure.
10. Your shirt’s shoulder seams seem much more interested in your neck than your arms.

10. The woman in your life pulls you aside one day and says: “We need to talk about Visible Panty Lines.”
11. Not only can you NOT fit a fist between your suit jacket and your chest when buttoned, you have to unbutton the thing to get your ultra slim smartphone out of the interior pocket.
12. Your pants pockets are flaring out like a very irritated dilophosaurus.
14. There’s no way the zipper on your fly is making that last quarter inch.
15. The backs of your blazers have more (strain) rolls than a bakery.

16. Your dress shirts have the same amount of wiggle room as a cycling jersey.
17. By the end of the day, you’ve got chest hair, lots of it, sticking through your sweater.
18. The seat of your pants looks like it just ate a lemon.
19. The only comfortable thing you can do in your clothes is… wear them. If that. But forget about running to catch a flight. Or shaking someone’s hand. Or holding onto the overhead bar/grab handle on a subway. Or eating something fibrous.
20. You’re a hit on Instagram.

As is always the case, good is great, great is rare, and perfect doesn’t exist. Pursuing a perfect fit for every piece of clothing you own is stupid. No one is really going to notice, and even if they do, they almost certainly don’t care.