Latest Retail Closures, Avocado Thank Yous, & Comparing your Sleep

ZENWAVES:

(thank you)

RETAIL HELL: It’s beginning to look as if these folks aren’t long for this world. I mean, right? Because, damn.

MORE OF THIS PLEASE: Sometimes I swear there are more stories like this out there and I think we all benefit from seeing them all damn day. Also, I have found that this place can help readjust my outlook on life. What’s that? Yeah, I thought so. So anyway, this is pretty cool too.

THAT ONE CONSPIRACY, FROM, LIKE, FOREVER AGO: Go ahead. Share this one with your folks. They’ll think you’re swell.

THE MORE YOU KNOW (COMET RAINBOW SPLOOSH): I’m thinking that I might be taking a look at my cleaning supplies. And I guess I’m not really surprised by some of this. 

DO YOU LIKE AVOCADOS? Y    o    u      c   a   n     t   h   a   n   k     t   h   e   s   e     g   u   y   s.

SADDEST. MONKEY. EVER.

(thank you)

P.T. BARNUM WAS RIGHT: Only these days, the number of suckers born every minute has gone exponential. Extreme exponential. Then there’s this. And if you must have more, here you go.

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT: Bwahahahahaha. Riiiight.

IN THE FUTURE NEXT WEEK: Some hacker will be able to lock you out of your own house.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ: How America sleeps, with thanks to Fitbit.

PUZZLE OF THE WEEK: Eric and I side with the 1st grader.

KICKSTARTER OF THE WEEK: The original video game. Here’s more on this 3D version of the game.

TRIPPY HIPPY MAGICIAN DUDE OF NOTE: 

(thank you)

HOUSTON’S FAVORITE METEOROLOGIST: And that’s not even his main gig. Seriously. Houston loves this guy.

INCOMING! Actually, uh, it’s here. On the small screen. And as Eric helpfully notes: “Oh and they have accents and great swearing.” That is always a closer for me. Then there’s this.

I CAN’T TELL…if this is a good thing or not?

WHEN THE SERVICE INDUSTRY IS THE ECONOMY…this kind of thing makes perfect sense. Also, it’s not new. But it is totally new to me.

THE OTHER SEX (BAD ASS WOMEN): You might remember her from Pitch Perfect, The 40 Year Old Virgin, or 30 Rock, but these days she’s making things happen behind the scenes. | After reading about this amazing woman, I feel like crawling into a hole. | Pour a 40 for Rosie.

WœRST. THING. EVER. A linguistic sausage fest.  An entirely different kind of sausage fest.

THE TORMENT OF ANIMAL:

(thank you)

PFFFFT: Honestly, I’ve got nothing to add to this.

DAMN! MOTHER NATURE! Keep on surprising us in ways like this.

IT’S THE REAL THING: Sometimes I love people so much I’d like to build the world a home and furnish it with love, grow apple trees and honey bees and snow white turtle doves. This is one of those times.

THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS: If you have had it up to HERE with bad news about the environment, then just move along. Otherwise, sad trombone.

LIVE! FROM IRAN! IT’S… Let Them Eat Cake 2, the 21st century take.

THE SHAPE OF NIGHTMARES?

(thank you)

SHENANIGANS: I’m sure this is all above board and stuff. Totes legit.

SPEAKING OF LEGIT: This is something you may have some familiarity with. I hope it isn’t. But if you haven’t yourself, you might know someone who has.

SOUTHERN FRIED SCAM MASTER J: Actually, you might have run into this guy before. Also, bwahahahaha!

AN UNPOPULAR OPINION: I’m just going to leave this here. It might cheese you off or, alternately, it could come as a huge relief. Not sure if there is a middle ground here.

STFU: Every year I look forward to this list. Yes, there are a few which are screamingly obvious. And, some are a couple that are groan inducing. #cofveve

INCOMING! With thanks to Eric H.

Hey. If Marvel won’t make a Black Widow movie…Oh wait. This just in!

Tim Johnstone is Dappered’s music correspondent as well as our resident gatherer of all things interwebs related. He doesn’t really hate people. Mostly.