SCIENCE! The deeper I got into this article, the more insecure I felt. Now I’m just shivering in the corner wondering how I’m even here. MAGIC!
HISTORY REPEATS: So it has come to this. Because of course. Totally thinking about trying it. Might be a fun thing to use at parties or special events.
GAH! This is not going to end well for any of us.
USEFUL THINGS: This is genius. Well thought out and executed.
THERE CAN BE NO QUESTIONS:
I ADMIT IT: I am a mostly unapologetic Apple fan boy. I am aware that I may have issues. If you are like me, you might appreciate getting an idea how the new wearable is going to operate.
SHOWING OFF…has just been elevated to a whole new level.
I’M GONNA BE HONEST…I need a sugar daddy. I’m not proud.
THE ONE THAT DIDN’T GET AWAY: Big kitty. Even. Bigger. Fish. I freakin’ love nature. Then there’s this.
CONSEQUENCES: I get that this is probably not a thing. But I still love it. Not that there is a happy ending in site for these guys. True story: we were sitting at the dinner table one night when my dad poured his scotch into the fishbowl before saying “That damn fish stinks.” It ceased to stink shortly thereafter.
holy f*ck Aquarius. Carry on.
BECAUSE OF COURSE: This comes as absolutely no surprise to me. At all. Shenanigans were expected.
SIGN OF THE TIMES: All of man’s achievements, discoveries, breakthroughs and collected knowledge has brought us to this special shining event.
THEN THERE’S THIS: We survive by Maguyvering our way through the world.
MY BESTEST PARTY MOVE:
LOAD UP ON THE REESES PIECES! I’m torn between AWESOME!!! (E.T. and Roger) and OHMYGODNONONO (Alien, Predators, The Thing). Then there’s this.
SIMPLE PLEASURES: They manage to find a way back to us. And by us I mean, in general, people. And no, I don’t have one of these. But I am willing to suggest perhaps your lady friend might love one of these along with a great set of colored pencils or pens or the big box of a gazillion Crayolas, the one with the sharpener. And don’t even think about going generic because you’d just ruin everything. You’re welcome.
BOTTOMS UP: These. Are. Rad. Thanks to Dossier reader Greg for the heads up.
ONCE UPON A TIME: You think hipsters are a new phenomenon? Not so much.
Sometimes life takes you down a notch. Sometimes you do it to yourself.
THE STUPID! It kills. WTF people?
UM…I generally don’t need these to buy this stuff, but an excuse is always handy.
OH HAI: What’s up?
WHAT ARE WORDS FOR? Ours are evolving with the times.
Need something else to read?
- You invest in your clothing. Make sure you’re taking care of them.
- Get some dirt on it.
- Probably over thinking it. But, still.
Tim Johnstone is Dappered’s music correspondent as well as our resident gatherer of all things interwebs related. He doesn’t really hate people. Mostly.