Purposeful Facial hair. Yay or Nay?

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Hi Beth,

I just turned 44 a few days ago, and have worked hard over the last year to lose 40 pounds. Along with remaking my body, I decided that I was tired of being clean shaven, and started to wear a little bit of facial hair. Think Orlando Bloom in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. A thinner mustache, a bit of chin hair, and that’s it.

I’m currently single and ready to date, but I’m not sure if facial hair will be a turn off? Especially something that’s a bit more purposeful & groomed like this, instead of just scruff?

I’ve been told I actually look OLDER without a beard. But maybe that’s because I’ve gone to the trouble of coloring my facial hair, since my beard has started to come in gray. Yet the hair on the top of my head has stayed youthful looking.

Is this going to be a deal breaker for any potential dates?

– Henry

 

Hi Henry,

Congrats on losing weight and remaking your look. Way to take a bit of a risk with the facial hair–nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Facial hair is not an automatic turn off, not at all. Women like it, or they don’t, but there’s no rule for all women everywhere. We’re a varied bunch. Most women would say they like facial hair when it looks good. Real helpful, right?

Facial hair is like man-cardigans, bow ties, and suspenders–they flatter and look at home on some people, and on others, not so much. And yes, there are instances when men look better with facial hair. If you have a weak chin, or a bit of flab around the jawline, facial hair can mask it, or give your face the appearance of stronger structure. And some faces just look better with hair. I’ve always thought Javier Bardem looked much handsomer with facial hair than without it.

There…on the horizon…I spy a well-groomed mustache.

On the other hand, facial hair can make you look less attractive if it grows in patchy and uneven. It can make you look unkempt if it’s not meticulously groomed. And for some men, it just doesn’t look great with their bone structure, or it hides their good features. Casey Affleck, for instance, has a beard that grows in too patchy; it makes him look kind of skeevy. Brad Pitt is also not best served with facial hair mainly because, if you’ve got that face, why hide it under hair?

Then there are the bastards who look good, facial hair or not, and can go from swarthy to clean-shaven back to hirsute, and collect a barrage of compliments along the way. George Clooney. That man. Full grey beard, little bit o’ scruff, smooth as a baby’s bottom. He looks good every which way.

THAT, however, is a hot patchy mess of a beard.

Because you and I have never had the pleasure of meeting, I can’t tell you which camp you fall into, but it sounds like you’ve gotten feedback (from more than one person? On separate occasions?) that you look great with facial hair. Sounds promising. Keep it for awhile and see what it does for your dating life. The good thing about hair is you can always shave it off, and then grow it back again. Don’t worry that being purposeful with your grooming is a bad thing, it’s not. Yes, sometimes casual scruff is sexy (George!)…but sometimes it’s reminiscent of Ethan Hawke, circa 1994. I mean, Reality Bites is a classic, but that anemic tufting has to go.

-Beth

Got something brewing in your life? Send me an email’style, etiquette, relationships’I answer it all: askawoman@dappered.com