She seemed into me, but now she won’t call me.

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Hi Beth,

At a recent wedding I came in contact with a very attractive female and had a great time with her. She was the one to pursue me during the evening. We were inseparable the rest of the night and ended up sleeping together. The next day, while still in bed, she went as far as to say that she was hooked the first time she set eyes on me, said she had never “dated” someone like me before, and inquired as to what sort of social media I was on.

She had said that she had no plans for the rest of the day, so later on I texted her to see if she wanted to grab a quick drink. She said she was exhausted and had to get ready for work the next day. I gave it two days and called her. No answer. Sent her a text the next day asking her out to dinner. She declined and said she already had dinner plans. I tell her that the following week, I’m pretty free, and to let me know.

And… nothing.

What the heck happened? From all those things she said, she seemed to be very interested and quite the pursuer, and now, it’s the opposite?

– Andy

 

Hi Andy,

What the heck happened, indeed. Ummm…yeah, that’s difficult to decipher.

If she’d said all that stuff the evening before and then slipped out in the morning, I would have said she was experiencing some superficial enthusiasm, brought on by the previous night’s tippling. We’ve all been there, whether romantically (“You’re the most beautiful woman/man in the world”) or when meeting our new best friend (“Friend me on FB; I’m totally serious about going to Vegas this fall”). Gin and tonics are a powerful drug, my friends.

But this woman said all that stuff the morning after? While presumably sober?

Here’s my best guess: she went home and got some sleep. Or talked to her roommate. (Or remembered she had a boyfriend?) And boom, guilt. “I can’t believe I slept with a stranger” set in. All the slut shaming she’s absorbed over the years is rising to the surface and she feels badly. Easiest way to escape it is to steer clear of the person she fornicated with.

Is Andy’s one night stand experiencing Jackie-like regret?

So that’s one possibility. Although it doesn’t really fit with the confident person you’re describing. Someone who pursues you all night, beds you, and nearly crows in the morning with pride at having hooked you. The other alternative is that she’s someone who plays the manipulation game. She likes to chase men, sleep with them, mess with them, and then turn cold out of the blue. She’s getting some kind of thrill out of knowing you’re confused. It’s unfortunate, but there are people who operate in this manner.

For your own sanity, shoot her a text and say, hey, I was hoping we could hang out and get to know each other, but it seems like you’re not interested? Just let me know and I’ll stop bugging you. Be friendly and casual. If you don’t hear back, assume she’s not interested. If she writes back and confirms this fact, wish her the best and leave it be. If she writes back suddenly interested and available, proceed with caution. Make sure you’re not playing into another manipulation. Good luck.

-Beth

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