Dappered

Affordable Men's Style

  • Don’t Miss Anything
  • Start Here
  • Essentials Shop
  • Latest Deals
  • Style Scenarios
  • Reviews

How can I avoid being the jerk during a break up?

August 21, 2014 By Beth | Heads up: Buying via our links may result in us getting a commission. Also, we take your privacy rights seriously. Head here to learn more.

Ask A Woman: The jerk store called and they’re running out of you!

You're hovering a bit there bucko.

If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. She also might provide an answer without waiting to be asked. That happens from time to time too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com .

Hey Beth,

My girlfriend and I go to the same college, but she’s from the Midwest and I’m from California. So, when we headed home for the summer, it’s turned into a long distance relationship–the first of those I’ve ever had.

Here’s the thing. I’ve realized that I don’t really miss her as much as I expected to, and I’m considering breaking up with her. I honestly think this isn’t because of the distance or because I’m not physically with her, but rather because I’ve had time to reflect and I feel that our relationship has pretty much run its course.

My question is, how should I handle this? I don’t want to be the dick who breaks off a long-distance relationship via a phone call or FaceTime, but I feel it’s also not right to stay with her through the rest of the summer only to immediately give her the bad news once we both get back on campus. It’s a bit of a conundrum, and I’d appreciate your opinion.

CJ

 

Hey CJ,

I’ve answered a question similar to this before, and my advice isn’t going to change much, but maybe I can give you a new perspective that will help you get through this conundrum, as you accurately describe it.

In your situation, I think the difference between breaking up via phone or breaking up in person is negligible. That is, there’s good and bad to both approaches, and neither is “right.” Here are a few things to consider.

If you break up with your girlfriend over the phone, you lose some of the intimacy of being there in person. So that’s a drawback for sure. But you provide her with the opportunity to deal with the initial pain and shock while she’s surrounded by her family. If she draws comfort from being with her family–not everyone does–then that could be a good way for her to cope. She can also begin processing this change without having to deal with homework, attending class, moving, and all the other changes that come from starting a new semester. If you wait until you’re back at school, she may feel like you’re giving her more respect by doing it in person. She may feel better by seeing your body language, by being able to hug you good-bye. But then she’s starting the new school year on a shitty note.

PostIt

Phone, in-person, as long as it’s not by Post It note. 

Maybe it’s helpful to consider what your goals are here. You want to end this relationship. You want to do it in a respectful manner. You don’t want to make it any more painful than it has to be. What do you think will help you accomplish these aims? There’s your answer. Beth, just tell me what to do for the love of God. Fine, fine, ya tyrant. If it were me? Phone. I’d want to spend those first few days curled up on my parents’ couch, having them feed me and telling me I’m going to be okay.

Here’s one more nugget to munch on: when you break up with someone, you are perceived as the bad guy. You are. You can’t avoid it. And you shouldn’t, when you know that it’s not right to be with someone any more. It’s very uncomfortable to know that you’ve caused someone pain, and to know that people might be thinking badly of you. Hard decisions often come with these types of consequences. It doesn’t make it the wrong decision, it just means you’re in a difficult position. Know that it will pass, everyone will heal, and in time someone else will be the bad guy.

-Beth

Got something brewing in your life? Send me an email–style, etiquette, relationships–I answer it all:askawoman@dappered.com

Filed Under: Women Tagged With: Ask A Woman, breaking up

Continue the Conversation …

Want to share your thoughts on this article? Send us a tweet, join the discussion on Facebook, or hit us up on Instagram!

Don’t Miss Anything

Subscribe via email to get articles in your inbox or add Dappered on Flipboard. You can also follow us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Or subscribe to push notifications to get alerts immediately.

New Here?

Well, welcome to Dappered. Here are what we consider the most useful posts on the site if you're looking to put a little more effort into your appearance. Just want to see our favorite menswear products? Shop our essentials here.

MTO Suits, Goodyear Welted Boots, & More – The Thurs. Men’s Sales Handful

MTO Suits, Goodyear Welted Boots, & More – The Thurs. Men’s Sales Handful

Mid Thursday Update: J. Crew has refreshed their final sale section.

The 10 Sweater Styles of a Stylish Man’s Wardrobe

The 10 Sweater Styles of a Stylish Man’s Wardrobe

Crews to Cardigans. Half Zips to Shawl Collars. Plus the pros and cons of each.

7 Reasons Why L.L. Bean Boots are Timeless Classics

7 Reasons Why L.L. Bean Boots are Timeless Classics

The argument for L.L.’s foul weather boots.

Follow Dappered on Instagram »

Men’s Fashion or Affordable Style?

Men's Fashion or Affordable Style?

Fashion is temporary and expensive. Style is timeless and affordable. Dappered® helps you work the retail system so that you can be comfortable, look sharp, and save money.

Want to share a great product? Email Us.
For a fit perspective, see Joe's measurements.
Make sure to read our affiliate disclosure.

CONNECT WITH DAPPERED

Thanks! Check your inbox or spam folder to confirm your subscription.

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Most Popular on Dappered

  • The 10 Sweater Styles of a Stylish Man’s Wardrobe
  • Monday Men’s Sales Tripod – Spier’s Sweater Sale, BR Factory new arrivals, & More
  • MTO Suits, Goodyear Welted Boots, & More – The Thurs. Men’s Sales Handful
  • 7 Reasons Why L.L. Bean Boots are Timeless Classics
  • Steal and Stock Alert: Spier has new core suits in stock
  • In Review: Nike By You Custom Sneakers – Blazer Mid ‘77

Popular Topics

  • Best dress shirts to own
  • Best looking watches under $100
  • Best men’s dress shoes under $200
  • Nike Killshot sneaker alternatives
  • How to wear a suit without a tie
  • Suitsupply store review
  • Suitsupply Blue Line review
  • J. Crew Factory Thompson suit review
  • How much does it cost to tailor a suit?
  • Dopp kit essentials
  • Brown shoes with gray pants
  • Men’s style buying guide

Copyright © 2023 Dappered.com | Dappered, LLC | Dappered® is a registered trademark of Dappered, LLC

Hat tip: Magazine Pro Theme On Genesis Framework

Dappered does not collect or sell its users personal information | Disclosures: Privacy and Affiliates, Gilt.com, FTC

WPE

We work with partners that use cookies to understand how visitors use our site. Find out more.