Ask A Woman: Say it with me — “Thank you.”
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Dear Beth,
All my life I’ve been a rather plump fellow who would rather enjoy a good meal than a good work out. Things in life changed, and I ended up slimming down, getting really fit, and have actually been working the past year as a full time model.
Since I’ve been modeling, I’ve received a thousand times more compliments on my physical appearance and sense of fashion. The problem is, due to my appearance and lifestyle before, I never really got a lot of compliments on my looks, and really don’t know how to respond graciously without seeming like an arrogant prick. What are some things to say or appropriate reactions to receive a compliment graciously? My strategy right now of getting flustered and tongue tied doesn’t really seem to be working all that well.
– Edward
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Hi Edward,
Are you living the dream or what? Seriously, congrats on the new direction of your life, and your success. Uh-oh. I just complimented you. Better read quickly so you know how to react…
I agree that it is important to know how to accept a compliment graciously. False modesty is not very attractive.
“You look hot in that blazer.”
“What? Yeah right.”
“No, seriously, you look really good.”
“No, I haven’t been to the gym in three days, my gut is disgusting.”
“You can’t even tell, really, you look amazing.”
“No I don’t.”
Fine. You look like a slob and you should be grateful I’m even talking to you. Loser. Refusing a compliment or bumbling it puts the nice person who gave you said compliment in an awkward position. They end up having to insist you’re God’s gift…or abandon the compliment altogether.
The first thing you have to realize is that you don’t have to agree with the person who is giving you the compliment.
“You look hot in that blazer.”
“I know, right?”
Not that this is an inappropriate response, but it’s not required. You don’t even have to agree internally. If you really do think you look like a tub of guts in the blazer, that’s fine. But the person complimenting you doesn’t think that, and they aren’t asking you what you think of yourself. The second thing to keep in mind is that you can respond to the kindness of the person complimenting you, instead of the compliment itself.
“You look hot in that blazer.”
“Wow, what a nice thing to say.”
Other variations on this are: That’s so sweet/kind/nice/flattering; Your opinion means a lot to me; I wasn’t sure how this looked on me so I’m glad you like it; what-have-you. Start out with these sorts of responses, which, oddly enough, are easier than the plain old “Thank you.” I think that’s because the other responses deflect the compliment a bit, whereas “Thank you” is a wholehearted acceptance of the compliment. Again, it may be hard at first; it just takes practice…but what a problem to have, eh?
-Beth
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