Consider this checklist an expansion on the “how to drink alone” post from awhile back. Some can’t stand the idea of having a drink alone. Others might understand and appreciate how heading out for a drink without company can be not just relaxing, but productive too*. Drink shown above: The Harrington
1. A good people-watching seat at the bar
You want to be positioned so you can easily and inconspicuously observe the rest of the place. Being at the far end of the bar will usually work. This way, you can barely move your head when you hear an exasperated woman say “when the f*ck did I turn 36 and have to deal with this BULLSH*T” to see that she actually looks closer to 50, has an enormous silver hibiscus stuck over her ear, and from hairline to cleavage she’s covered in an obscene amount of body glitter. If a train carrying nothing but My Little Ponies and self tanner turned over, that’s what it would look like.
2. Your wedding ring if you’re married
There are plenty of us who don’t have our wedding band glued to our finger 24/7. Be warned… if you forget it and you head to a place you frequent enough that the waitstaff knows you and your better half, (or if you’re headed somewhere new and you run into someone that you know) … it might look a bit odd that you don’t have it on. That, and a guy with a wedding band at the bar by himself might not be the norm, but he’s not a creep out trolling. Usually.
3. Your cell phone, but kept in your pocket.
Do NOT put it on the bar. If a pal is out and texts, so be it. Maybe you meet up. If your phone is on the bar, you’ll look distracted and/or lonely. If you are distracted and/or lonely, might be best to have a quiet night in.
4. A pocket sized notebook and a reliable pen.
Even if you think your brain is suffering serious creative lockup, just get it out and start writing. About half way through that first drink the monkey settles and starts to stack some boxes and sticks (see below). By the time you order a second (if you order a second) the bananas are down. Field Notes
5. Cash, and an exit strategy.
Pay in cash. It helps out the good-to-talk-to bartender who might have been kind enough to provide you with some free beer tastes and/or a sample of the new rye on the shelf. Make plans to be out of there at a certain time. Meet up with someone else. Head home and get some needed rest. Just don’t leave it too open ended.
*Wisdom from Travis McGee in “One Fearful Yellow Eye
“There is a hairy chimp caged in the back of the mind. The bananas hang out of reach. If you can make him stop leaping and chittering… make him settle down and look around the cage, usually he can find some boxes which he can pile on top of each other… Then he can climb onto the top box and knock down some bananas.”
Photo Credit: Kitty Terwolbeck
The paper or a good book is never a bad choice.
Joe, I never pegged you for a Brony 🙂
I believe you mean “IN”conspicuously…
The Travis McGee books really are a terrific read.
I think the “guy sitting alone looking thoughtul with a pen and notepad” is a good look for solo public activity. It adds mystery and depth to your vibe, and I bet it’l lead to conversations you wouldn’t otherwise have. I’ll try it.
Can’t go wrong with Field Notes. The baseball themed limited edition they just put out is really nice.
I had to look that up. Heh. Nope, I’m not. My sister watched it growing up. More of a thundercats/voltron/inspector gadget guy myself.
Like most things today they have rebooted the show. My 19 month old daughter loves. I just pray she doesn’t end up with a Brony, if any of them are straight.
“The Joy of Bartending” by Hemingway?
At least one of them is, thank you very much.
Rebooted? Gak. When did the English language become so repulsive that we had to create new words to say the same thing we already had a word to say? See:
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/remake. Maybe I’m just being a fuddy-duddy, but this one grates with me (sorry Steven, not picking on you in particular).
Not to go completely off the topic, and perhaps a subject for a different article or Ask a Woman, but I find #2 curious. As Joe mentions in the article “plenty of us … don’t have our wedding band glued to our fingers 24/7”. Outside of working on the car/house or playing contact sports, I can’t think of when guys I know who are married don’t wear their wedding band. So my question is when and why is okay to not wear your wedding band?
I wear mine most weekdays, but on weekends typically I leave it off. Usually between the mix of yard work, errand running, etc its easier for me to just leave it next to the sink than to take it on and off multiple times.
Guy alone at bar with pen and pad? No, I don’t like it at all. Looks like a weirdo. Unless it is a hipster, with is worse.
Any night I’m at the bar, whether they’re alone or in a group, I consistently see men disregarding rule #3.
I really don’t see why you hate phones so much. If you’re going to the bar solo to troll for ladies, yes, don’t play on your phone. If you’re going to the bar for any other reason and there’s no one to talk to and nothing good on TV, sorry. I’m going for the phone.
I agree with Joe. Constant immersion in electronic entertainment makes you miss out on things that might be worth observing in the real world.
Yeah, Paul, don’t overthink it man.
Yet you clicked, and read, and this was written by a weirdo with a pen and pad at a bar. How many ideas were sketched out on the back of a cocktail napkin? Notebook = portable stack of napkins. Doubt you’d ever notice a guy writing something down in a notebook at a bar. And if you did and you thought him “weird”… then you’ve got a hell of a low threshold for weird.
There is no real world THERE IS ONLY INTERNETS AND PHONE, AND PHONE GETS YOU TO INTERNETS AND…
They’re called synonyms and have been around for quite some time. They’re also part of what makes the English language so adaptable and dynamic. They even have their own book too. See: a thesaurus.
Agreed. Excellent post Joe.
Synonyms I understand. Thanks for the pointer to look in a thesaurus: I looked and didn’t see reboot listed in either the OED or Merriam-Webster (as originally linked). Perhaps my thesaurus is broken … or maybe I’m over-thinking it as Joe says.
Like all good over-thought things, there’s a Wikipedia article:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reboot_(fiction). Now I feel better. I still don’t like it, but I feel better 🙂
I’m on my holiday and have nothing better to do, I could try this. Any tips on the type of bar I should go, the best time to go there, etc?
boom
One of the reasons I hear guys (and gals) using for why they need their phone out is so that they know what time it is. This sounds, to me, like a perfect time to be wearing a wrist watch. You can check the time surreptitiously and it dissuades you from finding other reasons for looking at your phone.
Regarding number four: I like it. I have a book of Kipling’s complete verse that I usually read in bars, so this would be a great alternative or addition to my normal routine.
OK; I see the point. But what’s the difference between reading the Times on your phone and reading it on dead trees? If you’re immersed, you’re immersed.
Image, I suppose.
Be careful — the drain is a mystical magnet that attracts only precious metal.
#4 field notes and a reliable pen. Joe – any suggestions for a reliable pen?
#1 cracks me up.
I think “rebooted” gets a pass, especially in this context. The Italian Job was remade–same plot, different movie. In this case, they’re making more episodes that are different entirely.
Certainly image. I think the times on paper looks planned. Fiddling with your phone just seems like you don’t know what else to do.
I actually really like the notebook/pen idea. It’s a great point of difference to the 99% of people fiddling on their phone. I’ve been guilty of constantly being on the phone, whether it be playing a game or reading something, in an attempt to look busy. And too be honest, it can create a bit of a barrier. I’ve already got a cool pen, just need a notebook now…
search for a speakeasy in your area
I recommend Fisher Space Pen in matte black. The way the cap sits when it’s closed makes it super compact, and it becomes a full sized pen when you take the cap off and stick it on the back. Because of the special ink cartridges, it basically always works. It’s also cheap, so you’re not screwed if you lose it. Perfect for carrying with field notes or a tiny moleskine.
http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Space-Pen-Bullet-400B/dp/B000WGD13U/ref=pd_sbs_op_1
If you keep telling yourself that your best ideas come from sitting alone at the bar, you might be an alcoholic. Then again you may be fine, but you might want hit the cafe occasionally, just to make sure you are not going to the bar to drink. I had a frat brother who convinced himself he was poet and his muse was a solo stool at a bar. Personally, I just can’t overcome the awkward feeling of going to a bar solo, unless it is at a hotel.
Some people write for a living or for a hobby, and ideas often strike at bars and cafes. Just because everyone isn’t buried in their smart phones playing Angry Birds doesn’t make them hipsters or weirdos.
My best ideas come to me when I’m not at work trying to juggle a thousand chainsaws (the shower, on a run, at on the rare occasion at a bar solo.) I think I’ve done this four or five times in my life. It helps when you’ve got access to bars that have great beers and/or the ability to make an incredible cocktail (or nice wines if that’s your thing.) But thanks for your concern “Dad” 🙂
Plus, you can’t get an email from your boss, a phone call from a random family member, or a text about how your cell bill is due at midnight from the times. And there’s less scrolling.
Huh. That is a good question. I always prefer to have it on, but sometimes I just plain to forget to put it on post gym/shower and pre heading out the door. It happens. Same thing with Mrs. Dappered. She and I say: “Uh oh, I’m not married today… that okay?” if we’re in the car and one of us realizes we don’t have our ring (or for her, rings) on.
I always wear mine, but my dad worked in a machine shop for 32 years and never wore his ring until he retired for fear of ruining it. He pretty much ruined everything he brought to work, including one of his fingers.
How do you know your brother wasn’t a poet? Just because the words are slurred doesn’t mean they aren’t true.
what if i’m doing a crossword puzzle on my phone?