Facial hair rankings, and how scruff feels to a Woman

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Scruff is great for the look, but I’m guessing it doesn’t feel that great to a woman.  It’s probably as comfortable as sexy sandpaper, which is still sandpaper.  Is the scruff worth the discomfort for women?  Or would you prefer a man going baby-faced?

– Josh

 

Hi Josh,

A couple weeks ago I told you how to cover up your toilet sins.  Now I’m going to tell you about what women like to feel when your face brushes over their, ahem, delicate parts.  There are officially no boundaries here.  It’s nice to know where we all stand, yes?

As you nimbly ascertained, Josh, there are two considerations for men’s facial hair (when it comes to what women think): look and feel.  Look is going to vary…a little.  Most women prefer a smooth face.  It looks polished, it looks professional, it looks like you bathe on a regular basis.  All good things.  Jon Hamm looks good clean-shaven; Jeremy Renner is baby-faced even while diffusing bombs; Matt Bomer is white hot and fuzz free.

Scruff is the close runner-up to clean-shaven. It looks rebellious, confident, a little dirty…in a good way.  Robert Pattinson looks deliciously unkempt; Ryan Gosling offsets the formality of a tux with the casual look of scruff; George! George!  George!  I swoon.

Then least loved of all, I’m sorry to say, is the full-on facial hair–beard, goatee, mustache, mutton chops.  I find that women love it or hate it.  You either look like a sexy mountain man…or that guy in the white van who’s asking you if you want some candy.  Gerard Butler rocks a full beard; Jeff Bridges would look wrong without a goatee; Robert Downey, Jr. has established very sculpted facial hair as his signature look.

Scruff and Schtupping don’t always mix.

For feel, yes, women prefer clean shaven.  No two ways about it.  For second place…it’s a toss up.  Scruff is coarser than a full beard, which becomes softer as the hair grows longer, so for comfort, I prefer a full beard to the scruff.  It hurts less.  Imagine running your face over your lady’s legs when she hasn’t shaved them in, say, five days.  That’s what we’re dealing with.  Prickly, chafing, pokey.  Ummm…that’s what she said?

If you just can’t give up the scruff, or you find that the chicks prefer you with a scruffy look, do what you can on your end to prevent severe chafing for the woman you’re schtupping.  Mainly, be gentle and use a soft touch.  No need to jerk your head around maniacally while making out…or kissing…um…other areas.  It looks hot in the movies, but that’s, you know, the movies.  All that friction is going to hurt her.  No need for excess saliva while making out–removal of top layer of skin plus moisture equals mucho pain and irritation.  No need to drag your face across her body.  Kiss, then lift your face up to get to the next area.  Kiss then lift.  Got it?

Hmm, maybe I need to get that phrase patented.

-Beth

Got a question for Beth? Send them to: askawoman@dappered.com