Ask A Woman: Scruff, clean shaven, or bearded?
If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. And don’t worry, your identity will be protected too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com
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Scruff is great for the look, but I’m guessing it doesn’t feel that great to a woman. It’s probably as comfortable as sexy sandpaper, which is still sandpaper. Is the scruff worth the discomfort for women? Or would you prefer a man going baby-faced?
– Josh
Hi Josh,
A couple weeks ago I told you how to cover up your toilet sins. Now I’m going to tell you about what women like to feel when your face brushes over their, ahem, delicate parts. There are officially no boundaries here. It’s nice to know where we all stand, yes?
As you nimbly ascertained, Josh, there are two considerations for men’s facial hair (when it comes to what women think): look and feel. Look is going to vary…a little. Most women prefer a smooth face. It looks polished, it looks professional, it looks like you bathe on a regular basis. All good things. Jon Hamm looks good clean-shaven; Jeremy Renner is baby-faced even while diffusing bombs; Matt Bomer is white hot and fuzz free.
Scruff is the close runner-up to clean-shaven. It looks rebellious, confident, a little dirty…in a good way. Robert Pattinson looks deliciously unkempt; Ryan Gosling offsets the formality of a tux with the casual look of scruff; George! George! George! I swoon.
Then least loved of all, I’m sorry to say, is the full-on facial hair–beard, goatee, mustache, mutton chops. I find that women love it or hate it. You either look like a sexy mountain man…or that guy in the white van who’s asking you if you want some candy. Gerard Butler rocks a full beard; Jeff Bridges would look wrong without a goatee; Robert Downey, Jr. has established very sculpted facial hair as his signature look.
Scruff and Schtupping don’t always mix.
For feel, yes, women prefer clean shaven. No two ways about it. For second place…it’s a toss up. Scruff is coarser than a full beard, which becomes softer as the hair grows longer, so for comfort, I prefer a full beard to the scruff. It hurts less. Imagine running your face over your lady’s legs when she hasn’t shaved them in, say, five days. That’s what we’re dealing with. Prickly, chafing, pokey. Ummm…that’s what she said?
If you just can’t give up the scruff, or you find that the chicks prefer you with a scruffy look, do what you can on your end to prevent severe chafing for the woman you’re schtupping. Mainly, be gentle and use a soft touch. No need to jerk your head around maniacally while making out…or kissing…um…other areas. It looks hot in the movies, but that’s, you know, the movies. All that friction is going to hurt her. No need for excess saliva while making out–removal of top layer of skin plus moisture equals mucho pain and irritation. No need to drag your face across her body. Kiss, then lift your face up to get to the next area. Kiss then lift. Got it?
Hmm, maybe I need to get that phrase patented.
-Beth
Got a question for Beth? Send them to: askawoman@dappered.com
It depends on your hair. For some men, especially the less hairy, hair tends to be softer and scruff won’t chafe. If you have really think hair, Beth’s right, it’ll cause irritation, but for the young and not-so-hairy, it’s not going to be a problem.
*thick… >.<
Sometimes you just have to compare how much better you look with facial hair to the uncomfortable scruffiness. Guys with defined, angular jaws look just as good clean as with facial hair, while guys with naturally rounder chins look way better with a little bit of fuzz.
Why not just ask the one you’re with???
Technically Bridges is wearing a goatee and mustache. I’ve been told to never get rid of mine.
“It’s so soft. What do you use? Conditioner?”
Sorry, Beth. I think I just lost some faith in you after you referred to Robert Pattinson in any sort of favorable light.
This may sound abstract, but my theory is that a woman’s facial hair preference has a lot to do with how her father kept his when she was growing up.
well, what DO you use?
Does anyone else have a slight crush on Beth that tends to get stronger with each article she posts? Or is it just me?
I reserve judgment. I need to see more pics.
Sorry, gonna have to weigh in here. I think this issue is pretty person-specific. But I just wanted to throw a vote in there for the beards. LOVE ’em. I’ve actually gotta put clean-shaven at the bottom of my list because if he hasn’t JUST shaved, even the tiniest bit of growth feels like sandpaper. Whereas some scruff or a full on beard has had a chance to become softer.
But Joe G probably also has a point. My father had a full-beard my entire life. Electra complex?
Recently I grew out a full but well trimmed beard for the first time. Women reacted positively. Your beard could feel like broken glass but women can’t resist the undeniable manliness.
I’ve had a full beard, I’ve been clean shaven, I’ve gone with scruff. Typically feedback has been on appearance – Scruff, Clean, Beard (although some really like this) and on feel – Clean, Beard, Scruff. I find if you use conditioner on a beard and conditioner plus moisturizer on scruff it goes a long way – although you will have to wash the hell out of your face at the end of the night.
P.S – Beth is awesome.
Good perspective. To echo Anna above, the outlook on facial hair varies from woman to woman – and culture, upbringing, etc. has a lot of influenc. I’m Black and wear facial hair mostly year round – either a goatee or a full beard (sometimes grown to Rick Ross/Fidel Castro status). The times I’ve gone “Black Republican” with a clean shave, women reacted negatively (“You look like a pervy uncle”) and begged me to grow my facial hair back. Plus, it’s hard for people of color to shave regurlary due to razor bumps, burns, and other maladies because of how our hair grows. I’m not sure there’s an across the board verdict on facial hair, just as long as it’s neat and you rock it with confidence – that’s what women like most of all.
And love them too.
– S. Stills
That’s basically my consideration. I’ve got a relatively rounded face; a bit of scruff frames it better.
Second all the above.
Okay, I’m going to say it: I’ve never been a huge Beth fan. With this column, though, I am now converted.
Great job Beth as always! The article was well articulated and thoroughly entertaining. Well done. 🙂
As strange as it is, I think you are right on. My significant other’s father has a goatee and she is always trying to get me to grow one. I looks terrible on me, but she likes it when I do it to appease her.
Sorry, Beth, but you’re wrong (again). This Australian survey found that women prefer men with facial hair, and men feel sexier when they have some beard growth: http://goo.gl/XzZXn. There was a similar study done in the 1970’s, and I believe at least one other in recent years, and the findings were virtually the same. Women prefer men with scruff or a light beard to the clean-shaven, though men with full beards were considered the least attractive of the three options.
Obviously, individual women will have different opinions, and if you have a steady girl you should take her opinion into consideration. But guys looking to have the best odds would probably do well to just shave once or twice a week, or else keep a neatly-trimmed light beard. Above all, a man should be true to his own style and sense of self when deciding how to wear the hair on his face: That self confidence and knowledge of who you are is something all women find attractive.
To chime in for the token masculine gays on this site (maybe I’m alone) – overly manscaped scruff looks really really gay – and not in a remotely good way….dont boy band it if u go scruff just let it grow.
Seconded.
My lady informed me that the day I shaved my beard off was the day she stopped kissing me (at least for a week or so).
Schtupping
Well, at least one other person shares my taste in music and/or corny jokes.
Conditioner.
I use conditioner on mine. Seems to work pretty well.
Well Joe posted that picture of her wearing a jean jacket, which I assume was taken either in the ’80s or a formal event in Canada (Canadian Tuxedo).
One topic that I think must be addressed when it comes to beards — the neck. SHAVE IT! @Bryant Turnage — Agreed. Shaving about once or twice a week is the way to go, but I know I need to shave when my adam’s apple is crawling with facial moss. I just don’t think the neard has any place in society, but I’m willing to be proven wrong.
Now how about advice on women’s facial hair? Oh, never mind.
Then there’s the subset of men who simply can’t shave, and so don’t. Every time I think it’s a good idea to shave it’s the most hideously painful thing, so I don’t. Ever. When I was in the army I got a medical exemption from the doc that let me keep stubble.
My facial hair does not grow strong so it just looks messy when I don’t shave for a week. I find that if I don’t care about it and let it go women seem to find it interesting. It’s funny but often the less effort you make to look good the more women will like it. You do need some style though that comes naturally.
Having a beard since…oh about the 8th grade I feel that I must chime in. First, Beth hit the nail on the head as far as women either loving it or hating it and the longer it. I never met any women that are outright disgusted by it but I have met women who freakishly love it and some in between that agree facial hair works for some but not others. In my experience, the longer the facial hair the stronger the extremes become.. Second, the grungy and begrimed look has more to do what how well or not so well other things about you are kept. Lastly, we can’t forget that for some keeping a little scruff around is better and safer than missing a day or two of shaving. My two day old stubble is close to 36-grit while my scruff is closer to 80 or 100-grit sandpaper. This is likely because at two days my stubble is actually thicker than it is long and simply can’t bend. Plus the straighter ends of my stubble can’t help, at least with scruff it’s had a few days to wear down.
Being Asian, this doesn’t apply to me
Kind of creepy to think that a woman wants her man to be just like her daddy…
My dad had/still has a mustache and that is about the last look that I would want on a man. My bf often has scruff and as long as you are gentle I think it’s the best look for him, a little rugged but not mountain man with a full blow beard.
blown* not blow. wow.
I have slightly less derision for Robert Pattinson after catching some interview with him. He covered feeling uncomfortable reading the books because it felt like some deranged woman’s personal fantasy. He had no idea the craze the property would take on, and he just took the role so he could hit on Kristen S. He said he would go to such measures as not showering for a couple days to try to put people off. Obviously didn’t work, but I don’t think we can fault him at this point.
What hasn’t been addressed here is the “cosmetic corrections” a beard can bring to a face with certain imbalances, i.e., weak chin, unsculpted jaw line, thin lips, narrow face.
Steal your wife’s Pantene! A little squirt at the start of your shower rubbed into your goatee and rinsed out at the end, keeps it softt. Big difference! Few times a week is a HUGE difference!
My girlfriend’s dad is german and cannot grow facial hair to save his life, and neither can her brother. She finds my chest hair and facial hair attractive to the point where she’s turned on by it. However, the pricking of my mustache on her lips or face or wherever, has made her dislike it to the point she wants me to shave it off. Sometimes they want you to look like their dad subconsciously, and sometimes they are turned on by you being able to accomplish something her father can’t.