The Rules of Manscaping

The Rules of Manscaping – Is Wayne Rooney England’s Samson?

Male body hair management, AKA “Manscaping” is still somewhat taboo.  And a lack of information leads to miseducation.  Which leads to England’s Wayne Rooney waxing his chest and showing off his freckled 12-year-old-boy torso to the planet post World Cup loss to Germany.  Sure he looks like a 12 year old who’s been on HGH since diaperdom, but thanks to the artificial lack of hair, he still looks pre-pubescent.

The British Tabloids have even started calling Rooney England’s Samson.

Soccer has rules.  They even play by them some of the time.  The world is long overdue for some Manscaping regulations.  The following are strong suggestions on how to manage your body hair depending on location.  Feel free to agree or disagree in the comments section below.

EYEBROWS
Trim: Yes.  And by Trim I mean use a tweezers to keep clear that space between.  But don’t get too carried away.  And don’t use wax.  You don’t want perfectly defined eyebrows.
Shave: No.  Once knew a guy who used to shave between his brows.  And it was quite obvious thanks to the gray shading provided by the stubble.

CHEST
Trim: Not required.  But yes if you want to.
Shave: No.  You’ll look pre-pubescent.  Especially if you have a younger looking face (see Rooney)

ARM PITS
Trim: Not required.  But a good idea if it’s so long that your deodorant clumps up in it.  Sorry, braiding and beads not an option either.
Shave: No.  No, no… NO.  (See Lampard.  And the lost goal.  Karma?)

BACK
Trim: No.  And more on that answer in a second.
Shave: No.  You don’t want to use a razor here, and trimming just seems sort of weird (Honey?  Would you clipper my back?) If you’re going to take care of it, really take care of it.  Meaning: wax or laser treatment.  If you’ve got a stray hair or two sticking out randomly, just grab a tweezers and yank.

LEGS
Trim: A leg trim?  Like what, giving yourself leg sideburns?  (Come to think of it…)
Shave: Hell no.  Unless you’re a cyclist?  And someone will have to explain that to me.

NETHER REGIONS
Trim: Yes.  Required.  The ladies have to.  It keeps everything cooler too.
Shave: No.  A 5 o’clock shadow on your junk isn’t a good idea.  Keep the lawn and brush trimmed.  Don’t tear up the yard and put in a parking lot.

And now some tools to work with…