The Rules of Manscaping – Is Wayne Rooney England’s Samson?
Male body hair management, AKA “Manscaping” is still somewhat taboo. And a lack of information leads to miseducation. Which leads to England’s Wayne Rooney waxing his chest and showing off his freckled 12-year-old-boy torso to the planet post World Cup loss to Germany. Sure he looks like a 12 year old who’s been on HGH since diaperdom, but thanks to the artificial lack of hair, he still looks pre-pubescent.
The British Tabloids have even started calling Rooney England’s Samson.
Soccer has rules. They even play by them some of the time. The world is long overdue for some Manscaping regulations. The following are strong suggestions on how to manage your body hair depending on location. Feel free to agree or disagree in the comments section below.
EYEBROWS
Trim: Yes. And by Trim I mean use a tweezers to keep clear that space between. But don’t get too carried away. And don’t use wax. You don’t want perfectly defined eyebrows.
Shave: No. Once knew a guy who used to shave between his brows. And it was quite obvious thanks to the gray shading provided by the stubble.
CHEST
Trim: Not required. But yes if you want to.
Shave: No. You’ll look pre-pubescent. Especially if you have a younger looking face (see Rooney)
ARM PITS
Trim: Not required. But a good idea if it’s so long that your deodorant clumps up in it. Sorry, braiding and beads not an option either.
Shave: No. No, no… NO. (See Lampard. And the lost goal. Karma?)
BACK
Trim: No. And more on that answer in a second.
Shave: No. You don’t want to use a razor here, and trimming just seems sort of weird (Honey? Would you clipper my back?) If you’re going to take care of it, really take care of it. Meaning: wax or laser treatment. If you’ve got a stray hair or two sticking out randomly, just grab a tweezers and yank.
LEGS
Trim: A leg trim? Like what, giving yourself leg sideburns? (Come to think of it…)
Shave: Hell no. Unless you’re a cyclist? And someone will have to explain that to me.
NETHER REGIONS
Trim: Yes. Required. The ladies have to. It keeps everything cooler too.
Shave: No. A 5 o’clock shadow on your junk isn’t a good idea. Keep the lawn and brush trimmed. Don’t tear up the yard and put in a parking lot.
And now some tools to work with…
I use the Philips Stubble and beard trimmer
for all of the above (except legs, back and eyebrows) including my face. It has various length settings from 1-9, 1 really being the “Perfect Stubble” it advertises as, and 9 being longer than anything I have on my body (aside from head hair maybe, depending on how badly I need a haircut). Since it has different settings you can use 1 tool to bring all your hair to reasonable lengths depending on the location. For instance, if I remember correctly, I use a 5 on armpit and 6 on chest. Depending on what look I am going for I’ll use a 1 or 2 on my beard. 1 gives a perfect stubble (literally), while 2 goes just a little bit past that.
I personally can’t recommend this product enough, it was the best 40$ I ever spent in terms of hair care and is extremely versatile.
Also, the settings are all determined by 1 head piece that you rotate to make shorter or longer. The head comes off for cleaning but is meant to stay on while trimming, so you don’t have to keep track of 7923478234 detachable heads. (I’ve had that problem in the past).
In terms of armpit hair, it would never occur to me to shave it off but i have noticed a lot of celebrities doing it (and not just the metro-sexual ones – Brock Lesnar shaves his armpits). It does seem to be becoming more accepted. For me, I just trim them as I find it takes longer to get sweat patches on t-shirts when the hair is short.
I haven’t really noticed the shaving of armpit hair, but I do notice that 95% of male actors in movies where they are shirtless or something have very short (but not shaved) arm pit hair. It definitely looks a lot better.
Yep. I do the exact same thing. Keeps everything cooler.
He’s too pale. Would have worked if he had a much darker tone. -I use the lowest setting on my trimmer, let it grow a bit and then do it again. It’s very low but I know it’s relative to my dark skin. I’m not a candy cane like Rooney Samson there. HA!
I shaved my armpits once just for the hell of it, and it was so itchy when the hair started growing back in I wanted to cry. Never again!!
Cyclist shave their legs either because it is tradition or because it makes it easier to clean and stitch wounds on your legs. I am one of the few guys in my class that doesn’t shave my legs, but years of cycling has left me with no hair on my quads or ankles (shorts and socks), so I have thought of shaving because the bald patches look odd. Most guys I talk to say shaving makes them feel faster and that it looks right.
Nice. Thanks for the explanation. I thought I remembered something about getting torn up after a wreck and the hair getting in the wound. As far as the bald patches go, I have the same thing from running in the winter in running pants. I’ve got two odd bald spots on my shins and then on my calves from where the pants must grab when I run. Weird…
Bought the Philips Norenko (sp?) after reading the article. Works perfectly and is very cheap, thanks!
Cyclist here, I have never shaved my legs, and the people I see who have it just looks odd to me. I think it gives a bit of a rough look, but in a good way, especially after a long ride when you’re hanging out playing ultimate near the beer tent.