The 7 Types of Watch Guys

 

The Inexpensive Automatic Guy

Possible Watches for this Person

• Orient Bambino (multiple styles) – Mid $100s
• Seiko SKX line – $200ish
• Invicta Pro Diver – $80
• Hamilton Khaki Field – $380

We live in an amazing time. If, for whatever reason, you see the romance in having a tiny, mechanical machine, with gears and springs whirring about while keeping the time on your wrist, devoid of electrical power? Then you’ve got a ton of affordable options. Sure, they might lose a few seconds a day in terms of accuracy, but if you were really that concerned about keeping up with the Navy Master Clock, wouldn’t you just get a quartz?

 

The Quartz is JUST FINE guy

Possible Watches for this Person

• Seiko SNDC3 Chrono – $99.99
• Timex T49905 Black Brass Case Chrono – $53.30
• Timex Navi Ocean Leather Strap – $140
• Daniel Wellington – $80 – $100
• Armogan Le Mans – $220
• Skagen Holst Multi Function – $85

Speaking of Quartz… while it lacks the old-timey romance that mechanical watches carry, they’re more accurate, more durable, and cheaper. Wristwatches are one of the few markets where technological innovation has led to more efficient, more economical products, yet a good chunk of the consumer base clings to the old, less advanced technology. But there are plenty who recognize the absurdity of this, and wear a quartz with pride because of it.

 

The Beater Watch Guy

Possible Watches for this Person

• Timex Scout – $35 – $50
• Seiko 5 SNK80 Series Automatic – $53.40
• Casio 200m Diver – $45ish

He might have some “fine” timepieces on a winder or in a case somewhere, but this is the type who proudly wears a cheap, durable “beater” watch most of the time. Also includes the types who hate carrying their phone on them all the time, yet don’t understand why someone would spend any substantial amount of money on a watch.

 

The Smart Watch Guy

Possible Watches for this Person

• Apple Watch – $329+
• Samsung Gear S3 – $297.92
• Withings Activit© Sapphire – $197.95

Always up on the latest technology. Perhaps an Apple fanboy. Or, always wanted to be just like Dick Tracy. Perhaps on a bit of a fitness kick and is tracking his steps/heart rate/etc. The venn diagram of this type of watch guy, and the next type of watch guy below, almost never intersects.

 

The Luxury Watch Guy

Possible Watches for this Person

• Tudor Black Bay – $2800 – $4000
• Rolex Submariner – $7500 – $8500
• Omega Speedmaster – $3475 – $5000
• IWC Portuguese Chronograph – $5400

The absurd amounts of money that can be spent on what is in essence a wearable antiquated bit of technology (imagine dropping a few grand on, I don’t know, a walkman) is frankly, absurd. Yet, plenty of men do it. And then one day they/we will look back, on our death beds, as to all of the emotional holes that those expensive wristwatches were intended to fill, and with our dying breath we shall sit stark upright in bed, grip the hospital bed sheet, and cry out through spittle dusted lips… OOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalurhagslhalhlwpppblpbltt….

 

The Rare Maker/Brand Guy

Possible Watches for this Person

• No watch brands listed here, on a mainstream website, could satisfy the scarcity demanded by the “Rare Maker/Brand” Guy. In fact, the Nomos shown above is almost certainly not rare enough.

“Oh sure, Well-Known-Brand makes a decent watch, but if you’re looking for an alternative that’s made by mustachioed, monocle wearing elves in the German black forest who exclusively speak Klingon (Q’plah!) while on the job, then you should try brand-no-one-has-ever-heard-of-yet-somehow-exists.” 

 

The Bigger is Better Guy

Possible Watches for this Person

• Diesel “Mr. Daddy” – $200
• Citizen Promaster Aqualand Depth Meter – $460.99
• Maratac Pilot Large Size – $450 (depending on the wearer)
• Hamilton Khaki Belowzero – $1095
• Breitling Super Avenger II – $3950
• Whatever Arnold’s wearing

Like Truck Nutz, a sure sign that someone just might be over-compensating for lack of size in another area. Yet, there’s a certain contingent of watch snobs out there who think anything over 40-41mm in diameter falls into this “LOOK AT MY WATCH” gargantuan category. And frankly, that’s just not true. Some people are larger than others, and proportionally, a larger watch looks better on their wrist. Some prefer smaller, more classically sized (as in, developed and released when humans on average were smaller) wrist watches. Bottom line: The Bigger is Better Guy shouldn’t be tough to get a consensus on. And don’t look down your nose too hard at him. I think we’ve all been at a point when we were trying a little too hard.