Should I have been more forward with a woman I like?

Hi Beth,

I frequent a local gym 3-5 times a week, though I’ve always had a hard time finding it appropriate to strike up a conversation with anyone there. The other day I saw this woman who was a complete knock out. Like put my jaw on the floor kind of stuff. I could tell we were both sort of glancing over at each other. After probably 30 minutes of lifting in her general vicinity I finally worked up the nerve to try the old “do you mind if I work in?” on the equipment she was using (first time I’d ever done this).

She was incredibly polite and seemed very sweet, so after a few sets of us switching off I finally cracked a joke about “feeling bad for her muscles” and making a comment about being impressed. She responded pretty positively with plenty of smiles. In fact she beat me to an actual introduction, sticking her hand out and telling me what her name was. She said she works out there about 3-5 times a week, we talked for about five minutes and then… the gym closed for the day. Yep. Closed. We went our separate ways.

Question: Did I screw up? Should I have struck while the iron (pumping iron or otherwise) was hot? Was that not aggressive enough? Or, have I put myself in the best position with taking it easy? How do I play off the rapport we had after that first conversation if I DO see her again?

Any advice would be a huge help!

Thomas M

 

Hi Thomas,

I think you’ve put yourself in the perfect position to pursue this woman. It sounds like there’s a connection there, for both of you. A woman does not volunteer her name to someone she finds creepy or unattractive. It wouldn’t have been wrong to ask for her number when first making her acquaintance but I also like this move.  Every time she goes to the gym from here on out, she’s going to be looking for you. The anticipation will definitely work in your favor.

Wild guess: Thomas did NOT act like Ron when trying to impress his lady at the gym.

That said, next time you see her, you should definitely take it to the next level. No need to be coy, or play it safe. I think a friendly but casual approach is best. When you see her, nod and smile, but don’t make a beeline to her. Try to workout as normal (not that you’ll be able to concentrate very hard, oh well), and when it seems natural–you’re both taking a break, getting water, wiping down a machine, heading for the same machine–strike up conversation. Don’t try to be super smooth. Being yourself and slightly dorky is waaaay better than being what you perceive as studly and coming off as a douchebag (NSFW).

So what to say? Ask if she’s training for anything in particular, ask if she had a good weekend. Reference some detail from your previous interaction (for instance, did she mention taking a yoga class? Or recovering from an injury?), or find a way to bring up something personal about her (for example, if she’s wearing a Northwestern t-shirt, ask if she went to school there). Show sincere interest in her life, without being nosy. But why am I even telling you this? You already reached out to her, made a connection, and got a great response. Good for you, it takes a lot of courage to approach someone at the gym, and a lot of skill to do it well. Go with your gut. You’ll do fine.

When you meet a hot woman at the gym who also seems interested in you… (image credit)

The hardest part of this interaction is going to be the transition from casual conversation to actually asking her out. You know, the awkward pause where you’re done with small talk and you’re both sort of waiting for something to happen. Sooo, should I ask for her number…oh wait…it looks like she might say something…wait…no…shoot…maybe it’s too late to ask now…wait…is she going to say something… Ugh, it’s the worst, and in my opinion, totally unavoidable. I’ve never heard anyone sound cool asking out someone else (except for on TV). Everyone sounds like a nerd. I say rip off the band-aid. “So I was hoping I could get your number and we could hang out sometime.” Rephrase however you like, but the general idea is short and direct.

Good luck!

-Beth

 

About the Author: If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. She also might provide an answer without waiting to be asked. That happens from time to time too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com .