Poolside hip wiggles, Hope for Hot Messes, & Prize Fighting in the Peaky Blinders Era

TWISTING BY THE POOL:

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THIS IS NOT THE ONION: Sadly, I wish it were. This is, however, the most perfect example of how craptacular this ongoing train wreck is.

AWKWARD: We’ve already heard that plants feel pain. Now veggie-saurs have this to think about.

GAH! Anthony Bourdain did not fare well in the 70’s. Nope. Not one bit. Speaking of being horrified…(of course it’s in Australia)

ALTOGETHER VERY BAD NOT AT ALL GOOD OPTICS: A terrible tragedy made worse by the possibility of a made-in-America mistake. What a sad, and seemingly mundane death for an actor who always stole the scene he was in. Yes he was good in the Star Trek reboot but he was even better in this.

ONCE UPON A TIME:

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#imadesomanymixtapes

THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD…I’m with Robert. I’ve known my share of Brendans. And I fully understand that this makes me as bad as Brendan. Sort of.

GOT G.O.T.? This might be relevant to your interests. Also, Arkansas, Kentucky, New Jersey and Ohio.

LIFEHACK OF THE WEEK: You should do this. Seems reasonable. You should probably give it a go. I’m way too lazy. Editor’s Note: Our cats love to sleep on top of our cable box because the heat that machine admits during downtime could slow roast a brisket. Now only if the radiation the box is pumping into the puss party could grow back a leg our tripod lost in a mystery Superbowl Sunday accident, then we’d have something.

ONCE UPON A TIME: Boxing in 1913

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SWEET SARTORIAL SPLENDOR: This guy has it in spades. Full marks.

UH…NOPE, NOT-UH, NEIN, NON, NEI, NAHEEN, NYET & NA: Great company, good work, horrible idea. But this? THIS? Stunt food is embarrassing. And finally, I will maim anyone who puts this crime against nature in my face.

THE CAMEL IS DOWN! I REPEAT – THE CAMEL IS DOWN! This should just about be the last straw. Then there’s this.

PERSPECTIVE! We’re gonna need a bigger, um, barge. Yeah, that’s it. Then there’s this.

IN A PERFECT WORLD…

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ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN PAL…because it is all downhill from here.

NOTHING TO SEE HERE: Just the Earth starting to crack apart and stuff. And that’s only a wee whiff of an exaggeration. It is the stuff of Bay and Emmerich.

ONCE UPON A TIME: Tea has come a very long way since The Colonies were established. If you ask me, this looks like something someone could get locked up for if you know what I mean. Do not make me explain myself.

AND NOW, STUPID SHAMING: This is a perfect example of how we are constantly being reminded that we suck. We have sucked a lot over the past thirty years but the speed at which we suck has been increasing exponentially of late. And before anyone fires up their outrage machine, I am not being disrespectful. We’re still getting this stuff sorted out. The population at large doesn’t move as fast as some people would like. Ever. Also, I don’t think we should apologize for calling it out when the risks from the results of stupidity are bigger than they have ever been. I know. I’m dumb.

THE HELL KIND OF FECKERY IS THIS?

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Good Morning my ass. This is nonsense. Do we need to start issuing permits for the proper care and handling of memes? Tea… Lizard?

YOUR PUSS WANTS WINE RIGHT MEOW! It is a brisk white wine with hints of fresh grass and field mice.

SO THAT’S WHY WE STILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH LIL’ ABES: There are dark and mysterious forces at work. We must work together to free us from this tyranny.

LITTLE PINK HOUSES…with a side of fried chicken.

AND YOU THOUGHT TROLLING WAS A MODERN INVENTION. About that…

THE NEW GREEN DEPARTURE: Because burning and scattering takes too much energy. Like, actual real energy. Or something. (Silent green is people soda.) Editor’s Note II: Me, when I read that.

INCOMING!

Based on this, which is something of a classic.

Tim Johnstone is Dappered’s music correspondent as well as our resident gatherer of all things interwebs related. He doesn’t really hate people. Mostly.