Dappered

Affordable Men's Style

  • Don’t Miss Anything
  • Start Here
  • Essentials Shop
  • Latest Deals
  • Style Scenarios
  • Reviews

I cheated on my girlfriend, how can I fix it?

March 26, 2015 By Beth | Heads up: Buying via our links results in us getting a commission (not always, but just about), which helps keep the lights on around here. We also take your privacy rights seriously. Head here to learn more.

Ask A Woman: Your cheatin’ heart will tell on you…

You're hovering a bit there bucko.

If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. She also might provide an answer without waiting to be asked. That happens from time to time too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com .

 

Hi Beth

I have been with a lady for the past 18 months, and during that time I cheated on her once. I know that it was a mistake, and I confessed to her because I love her and I knew she would leave me if she found out through other channels.

Now she keeps on telling me that she doesn’t trust me anymore. How can I gain her trust again? Is this possible? I don’t want to lose her.

Vince

 

Hi Vince,

Well that’s a bummer. The whole situation you’ve described is just difficult. There are a lot of people who think once you cheat, you become A CHEATER and you’ll keep cheating forever and ever, amen. Although I myself have been cheated on and I’ve since heard through the grapevine that my old boyfriend has continued being a dog to most of the women he’s been with, I actually don’t think it’s a hard and fast rule that messing up once means you’re destined to do it again. Everyone makes mistakes. There’s not something magical about infidelity that means you can’t learn from it and move on.

We_were_on_a_break

I gotta side with Ross on this one.

That said, infidelity is one of the hardest things for most people to forgive. It’s such an emotionally weighted and complex issue. Besides the horror of imagining the person you love being intimate with someone else, there’s also the secrecy of it–most people don’t come clean right away, and it’s hard to accept that your loved one kept something so huge from you. It’s a total blow to the self-esteem. What is lacking in me that he/she had to go elsewhere? Plus the embarrassment you feel if other people know about it, and so on. It’s so terrible, it really is.

Is it possible to fix this? Yes, I think that’s possible. It will take a whole lot of work, from both of you. You will need to do some soul-searching and figure out why you cheated, and what you can do to prevent it from happening again. She will need to do some soul-searching and figure out if she can learn to trust you again. You’ll also both need to make sure that you don’t get into a dynamic where she’s allowed to treat you with constant suspicion and you become a doormat, a dynamic where you’re the “bad one” and she’s the “good one.” It’s appropriate for there to be some unpleasantness for a period of time, yes, but you can’t live like that permanently. It’s miserable and unfair to you both.

Old-school heartbreak…and a guarantee to never see matching denim outfits again. Sniff.

Because this task will be so challenging, much more so than I can “fix” in 600 words here, I suggest counseling to kick it off. It will be immensely helpful to do this work under the eye of a professional who can direct you towards healing. Find someone you both feel comfortable with (it’s appropriate to interview a few therapists to see who is the best fit) and commit to taking this work seriously. Finally, be hopeful but also realistic. It is possible that she won’t be able to get over this. That doesn’t mean you’re evil. It doesn’t mean she’s a harpy. Sometimes you just can’t fix what’s broken.

-Beth

Got something brewing in your life? Send me an email–style, etiquette, relationships–I answer it all: skawoman@dappered.com

Filed Under: Women Tagged With: Ask A Woman, cheating, relationships

Continue the Conversation …

Want to share your thoughts on this article? Send us a tweet, join the discussion on Facebook, or hit us up on Instagram!

Don’t Miss Anything

Subscribe via email to get articles in your inbox or add Dappered on Flipboard. You can also follow us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Or subscribe to push notifications to get alerts immediately.

New Here?

Well, welcome to Dappered. Here are what we consider the most useful posts on the site if you're looking to put a little more effort into your appearance. Just want to see our favorite menswear products? Shop our essentials here.

10 Best Bets for $75 or Less – Rugged Boots, Italian wool trousers, & More

10 Best Bets for $75 or Less – Rugged Boots, Italian wool trousers, & More

Sweaters, Sneakers, & Sunglasses, oh my.

Monday Men’s Sales Tripod – Italian Traveler Wool Blazers, Nordy’s NOT final sale section, & More

Monday Men’s Sales Tripod – Italian Traveler Wool Blazers, Nordy’s NOT final sale section, & More

Nice to see some not final sale stuff for a change.

MTO Suits, Goodyear Welted Boots, & More – The Thurs. Men’s Sales Handful

MTO Suits, Goodyear Welted Boots, & More – The Thurs. Men’s Sales Handful

Mid Thursday Update: J. Crew has refreshed their final sale section.

Follow Dappered on Instagram »

Men’s Fashion or Affordable Style?

Men's Fashion or Affordable Style?

Fashion is temporary and expensive. Style is timeless and affordable. Dappered® helps you work the retail system so that you can be comfortable, look sharp, and save money.

Want to share a great product? Email Us.
For a fit perspective, see Joe's measurements.
Make sure to read our affiliate disclosure.

CONNECT WITH DAPPERED

Thanks! Check your inbox or spam folder to confirm your subscription.

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Most Popular on Dappered

  • MTO Suits, Goodyear Welted Boots, & More – The Thurs. Men’s Sales Handful
  • The 10 Sweater Styles of a Stylish Man’s Wardrobe
  • Monday Men’s Sales Tripod – Italian Traveler Wool Blazers, Nordy’s NOT final sale section, & More
  • 7 Reasons Why L.L. Bean Boots are Timeless Classics
  • 10 Best Bets for $75 or Less – Rugged Boots, Italian wool trousers, & More
  • Steal and Stock Alert: Spier has new core suits in stock

Popular Topics

  • Best dress shirts to own
  • Best looking watches under $100
  • Best men’s dress shoes under $200
  • Nike Killshot sneaker alternatives
  • How to wear a suit without a tie
  • Suitsupply store review
  • Suitsupply Blue Line review
  • J. Crew Factory Thompson suit review
  • How much does it cost to tailor a suit?
  • Dopp kit essentials
  • Brown shoes with gray pants
  • Men’s style buying guide

Copyright © 2023 Dappered.com | Dappered, LLC | Dappered® is a registered trademark of Dappered, LLC

Hat tip: Magazine Pro Theme On Genesis Framework

Dappered does not collect or sell its users personal information | Disclosures: Privacy and Affiliates, Gilt.com, FTC

WPE

We work with partners that use cookies to understand how visitors use our site. Find out more.