What are you going to wear? Or in this instance, what is HE going wear? St. Nick has a huge job ahead of him. Lots of miles to cover, lots of soot filled chimneys to get down, lots of cookie crumbs & milk spills to avoid. It’s a dirty job, but that doesn’t mean Santa can’t look sharp while doing it. Here’s what he might wear while putting another 25k-50k miles on the sleigh. (Top Photo Credit)
The Coat: Custom Gore-Tex Cashmere-Lined Topcoat w/ Horween Leather Belt. One of a kind. Made by the Mrs. w/ R&D by the Elf Q Branch. Not pictured: Matching hat with interior crash-padding, drop down night vision goggles, and a wireless blue tooth ear piece connected to North Pole flight control & NORAD via an on-sleigh wi-fi hotspot.
The Base Layer: Target Buffalo Plaid Union Suit – $17.48 ($24.99). A little bulky to be worn as long underwear, but it gets cold up in the Stratosphere.
The Boots: Allen Edmonds Longbranch in Black Grain – $299.00 ($350). Port Washington isn’t that far from his place, so Santa’s been frequenting Allen Edmonds for years. The Longbranch is perfect for a night like Christmas Eve, with all of those slippery rooftops and what not.
The Watch: Casio G-Shock GA-100 w/ World Time – $99.00. To keep track of who is sleeping, and who is awake, St. Nick needs a watch with a world timer function. Now, when he’s back at the main offices at The Pole, he’s wearing his NOMOS Zurich Weltzeit (a 1725th anniversary present from the Mrs.). But on the big night? With all that scraping against masonry and bounding about on shingles? Forget it. Go with something that was built to take a beating, like the Casio G-Shock.
The Goggles: Restoration Hardware German Welder’s Goggles – $12.99. He is old school after all. Prescription lenses by the Reykjavik Costco Optical Department.
The Pen: Fisher Space Original Astronaut Space Pen – $39.42. What, you were expecting a Montblanc? Nope. This is Santa’s go-to. Good enough for the Apollo Astronauts, good enough for Santa. Writes in temps from -30 to 250. Perfect for crossing names off the list in all conditions.
The Belt: Perry Ellis Stretch Belt – $18.99. Yes that’s a stretchy woven belt. Y’know how many damn cookies he’s got to wolf down that night?
The Gloves: Lamb Shearling Gloves – $39.86 w/ STW121914. Thicker and insulated for warmth. Look, the Reindeer pretty much fly themselves at this point, so extra feel on the reins isn’t necessary these days. Code is good for 35% off one item at STP, through today. Exclusions apply.
The Mask: Cthulhu Knit Cap – $18.34. Only to be worn inside houses with kids getting nothing but coal. Just to scare the snot out of the little jerks. Looking at you Bieber.
The Pants: Bonobos Milanese Cords in Deep Port – $82.60 w/ HOLIDAYCHEERS ($148). Pricey, even with the extra 30% off code, but they’re super comfortable, and the Bonobos Ninjas are second only to the Elves when it comes to customer service.
The Sweater: B.R. Extra Fine Merino Turtleneck – $28.99 w/ BRWINTER. No Archer, you weren’t the first to consider a turtleneck as a tactical garment. Okay, well, Santa’s mission isn’t tactical. Covert yes. Tactical, not as much.
The Air Freshener: Car Freshener Royal Pine – $0.73. You try sitting behind eight tiny reindeer (or nine, depending on the weather) for an entire evening. Good gravy, what are the elves feeding them, gas-station burritos?